Going from "friend" to "boy(or girl)friend.&q

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So I got this feeling that this has been beaten into heck already, but in case it hasn't, anyone got some tips on how to make a girl (since I'm a guy) who's a friend into your girlfriend?

Ha, its arguably easier to find the Holy Grail.

It seems like once you get into that friend territory it is hard to convert to relationship. I used to try a sort of "Trojan Horse" strategy(without much success) in which I would try and befriend a girl for about 3 months without even bringing up any remote discussion of sex. I basically wanted her to think that me "coming on" to her was the farthest thing on my mind, and she could confide in me like I was one of her girlfriends. However, this strategy never really worked, because the girls still were on green-light to see other guys, and I had moved into that "friend zone" where they just wanted to be friends and sort of saw me as a brother.

Yeah I've been there too many times to count, that strategy never works, OP this might be something that's near impossible to attain

In most cases, you can't. You can't "make" a girl like you in that way. If she's not attracted to you, she's not attracted to you, period. You don't have any control over it.

Now, there are some friends who become lovers, but I think that only happens between friends who haven't completely ruled each other out as potential lovers. The attraction has to be there from the beginning, and last throughout the friendship. If the girl isn't already attracted to you on some level, then she'll never see you as anything more than a "friend." That's my theory.

I've thought about that. There's girls I know that out and say that I'm attractive but they already have boyfriends of their own so I got nothing to work with. If they become single, maybe my time will come. I wouldn't rule out having a female friend as a lover if I get a chance. It'd easier with less strings attached as opposed to a real relationship. However, at the same time, doing something like that could kill our friendship all the same.

4 words: Can't be done.

Forget it. Tried it several times. Once you're in 'friend space' there is no way back. Don't ever become 'friends' with a chick that you wan't to shag.

Sorry, but that's the reality.

That what I always said, but still you can hear some people claim that they developed attraction only 'after' the friendship with the person , I think those are deniers.

I agree with this, but I still think it's better to go into a friendship first. Even if there's initial attraction, going straight into dating/potential relationship is more likely to kill it than easing into dating from friendship.

The best scenario you can have is the one you described in the second paragraph; friends with attraction from the beginning. When you start a relationship from a solid friendship foundation I think it's more likely to last, and being "friends" can make the other person long more for the relationship and build up tension - meaning when push comes to shove actually entering into the relationship is like releasing a stone from a rubber band "pow" (and all difficulties/barriers - that in other cases could actually stall, or prevent the relationship from beginning - are broken through in an instant by that built up longing and tension needing release).

I would beg to differ. I am involved with a guy who was my platonic friend for a long time. I didn't think about him that way for the longest. I thought he was interesting..and unusual...and neat and unconventional...but I didn't really think about him sexually at all...partially because I don't think of most people that way most of the time, and partially because I had/have a boyfriend

The only way I knew to even consider him "that" way was because he dropped very subtle hints over a long period of time...and then he took me on a sort of "platonic date".....and then he happened to be there for me in a time of need...and now we have been seeing each other for almost a year.

Be careful about the subtle hints though...before I could consider him romantically, i initally went through a phase where I was kinda creeped out..You have to make sure that the hints are apparent enough to be noticed but not so weird as to creep the girl out.

it is also important not to have some sort of false sense of entitlement.

I agree with both of you. No matter what people say, if you go from friend to romantic partner, there has to be at least a little attraction there in the beginning.

A scenario that might be possible: A girl has mixed feelings about you (maybe she likes your personality, but doesn't think your very good looking, or vice versa), so she keeps you in the "friend zone" for awhile, then she decides later that she likes you more than what she first thought.

The only time this remotely worked for me was with my last girlfriend. We were in the same college course track together for about 2 years, without ever really talking to each other. Then we started talking, found out that we had crazily similar interests, did the friend thing for a few weeks, started going out places, and suddenly the "hanging out" became so close to "dating" as to become indistinguishable, and before I knew it, she asked me to be her boyfriend. But during that friendship time, it was fairly clear to both of us that we each had a romantic interest in the other.

The "just friends" thing is a nice segue because it takes some of the pressure off while at the same time giving you an excuse to get closer, but unless you move fairly quickly (within a couple months at most), it dies off. Of course, I know there's still a good number of couples who started out as friends for quite some time before becoming romantically involved, but they're the exception and not the rule.

Funny enough, now that our romantic relationship is over, she's become my best friend. Sort of worked in reverse, I guess.

So you're basically saying I'm a denier? I never feel attracted to a woman right away... it always takes time for me to get to know her...

I've seen plenty of people, especially classmates, start off as friends and then date after a period of months. I have no idea how they did it, but they did.

You say you don't feel attraction to a woman right away. What about her side of the story?

You've never said to yourself, "hey, she's kinda cute" , or anything like that? And there was never any other kind of romantic, or sexual thought that ever crossed your mind, even for a split second? I find this hard to believe.

I would have to get to know a woman better before I started dating her as well, but that doesn't mean I never considered the possibility of going out with her, or that I find her attrative, at least on some level.

initiate a makeout / have sex

the friend zone is not an issue for me. It won't be an issue if you have dominance.