Introducing yourself (I need female advice preferably)

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I am doing an online matchmaking service and I need help coming up with introductions, as silly as that may seem . As cliche' as it may sound "the first impressions are always the lasting ones", and considering the introductions I have made thus far, I'm not doing well at all.

I think my main problem is that I am WAY too formal with introducing myself, to the point of turning casual conversation into a business type element, which I'm sure comes off rather cold and unattractive. For instance, here is one of the introductions I typically use:

"Hi, I took a look at your profile, and you sound like someone I could enjoy chatting with and possibly getting to know better. It looks like we share some similar interests, I like doing _____ ______ ______ as well."

Therefore, I need help as to what I should say. That is where you lovely ladies come to my rescue Now I'd like you to do a little roleplaying, and tell me, what would you like a guy to say to you via email if he is introducing himself to you for the first time, in the contemplation of a possible friendship/romantic relationship? And what things would turn you "off" in a primary introduction?

If you would like to, create an example of how you would like a guy to introduce himself to you, like what I did above. Let me put this criteria in play, let's assume that you never took a look at the guy before and you're making your first impression of him, no previous biases.

Thanks a lot!

If what you wrote above is going to be an intro in a first email to her, i think it's fine. It is true that some aspie's don't know how to be less formal (i find my b/f with AS has a tough time with this part of socializing as well) but that initial email you write her i think it is ok to be a tad formal. It is when you get to IM;ing and chatting that you will likely run into more barriers.


if you are going to IM her then just be casual. Let the convo just flow naturally (easier said then done i am sure). Just start off with a simple "hi how are ya" and then let it go from there. She will likely say something like "doing fine, and yourself". You can casually say I'm doing great. And then interject something you might have done that day such as "I'm doing fine now that I have gotten off of work and relaxing" and add a smiley to the end of it, or something like that. I am sure others will have better convo strings for you then that, just coming up with this off the top of my head and likely not the best you will hear. LOL

From what you've said, it doesn't seem as though you've said anything strange to me. You've introduced yourself and explained why you think you might strike up a rapport, i.e. you have some common interests.

But then again, what the heck do I know, I'm Aspietarded too.

But I should imagine that something along the lines of what you've written should be okay (provided that she does share similar interests and she finds your profile picture attractive enough), if I received something like that, I think I would be flattered that (a) some guy had found me superficially attractive from my photo and/or profile to show an interest; and (b) that he'd given sufficient consideration to the content of his message that he had tried to draw parallels between our interests, tried to highlight things we might find in common.

She's right about fake attracts fake!

Be yourself, but i applaud you for looking for tips. Never hurts to try to put some arsenal in one's love gun LOL (ok you can all shoot me now for that lame quip LOL)

OF COURSE it's "fake." But then again, so is make-up. Does that mean women are going to stop wearing make-up to make themselves look more attractive? With guys, the "make-up" that we have to put on is acting, because women are more attracted to "personality" than looks (or so they say.) But it's the same principle. And as I can attest, "being yourself" rarely attracts women.

Your intro is good. If anything, I'd say it's incomplete.

You say you like doing ___ ___ ___, but... a spammer could do that. I'd add on something about why you like them, or something you've done, it makes it more personal.

Like, if you like rock climbing, talk about one of the good spots near you. If you like science, bring up an interesting story. Don't go too in depth, but if you throw in a bit of opinion, it makes you seem that much more real, not spammy. And, we all know Aspie's can ramble on about their interests, so it wouldn't even be fake.

Point taken, Cyberman, but there is a difference between the "you-only-better" kind of fake and just plain portraying yourself as someone you're not- sure to disappoint a potential mate of any sort.
To continue the makeup analogy- the difference between using some eyeliner and mascara, and applying frosting with a spatula.

Sound intellectual (a.k.a. don't miss-spell or abbreviate words unnecessarily, don't use slang), speak like an intelligent person, don't be racist/sexist/etc.

Of course, it all depends on what time of girl you want to attract. I wouldn't go near any guy with a ten foot pole who couldn't or especially wouldn't speak proper English, couldn't hold an intellectual conversation, and was close or narrow minded.

Personally I think overly formal is better than the alternative.

Hope this helps.

I second Kip's advice. I don't think the problem is that your introductions are formal (though, there is a stiffness to formality and I think being a bit loose and casual is generally less off-putting. However, being natural always trumps trying to act like something you're not so just go with what's more comfortable...) but that they are impersonal. I'm on OKCupid, and I'd say I respond to about 2 out of every 10 messages I get. The ones I usually don't respond to are the ones that say stuff like "hi, you sound interesting. do you want to chat sometime?" or "hey, i think we'd get along" etc blah blah, the ones that feel very generic. The messages I tend to respond to ask a specific question about something mentioned on my profile (interests or whatnot) but that seem sincere and not forced in any way.

Also, initial messages that leave a bit of a mystery about the guy tends to pique my interest. In other words, they're not spilling their guts describing themselves, their interests, their personalities, but rather they mention some brief anecdote that makes me want to ask a question. For example, on my profile it mentions how I don't know how to swim. If a guy messages me and says "Wow -- do you really not know how to swim? I always lived right near oceans/lakes since I was a kid so I guess swimming came automatically" and that'd prompt me to message back and ask what oceans/lakes he's lived near. That type of thing.

Another turn-off I should mention is when a guy lists only his strong points. Even if it's all true, it can come off as a bit vain and/or too serious. Mentioning at least one weak point in the form of self-deprecating humor doesn't hurt at all, imo. I suppose the quality that I find most appealing is those who are unabashedly and unapologetically themselves. If that means he is socially awkward, not great at conversation, etc. then so be it. To me it's obvious when someone is being fake or formulaic, and I'd be attracted to someone who is a socially clueless aspie who is himself over someone who uses obvious lines and tries to alter his personality to be more suitable to the standards of the mainstream. Just my opinion and tastes...

I like the way biscuitpaws put it 'self depracating humor'.

I like that phrasing.

A little bit of humility can go a long way. yea you dont want to come off sounding vain and that is what can happen when someone only talks about their strengths.

For me I love humor so i always responded to the guys that emailed me with a quirky introduction, even if i didn't think by their pic they were that attractive. Reason being is because attraction even if strong can fade if you don't like the personality but attraction will grow immensely if you have a strong intellectual and emotional connection (for me anyway).

Most of my relationships i have had i didn't find the guy attractive at first meet but his personality bowled me over, and his sense of humor. After getting to know them they became irresistable to me in the area of looks. It's weird how that can work. By same token i dated a few guys casually who were very very good looking but no substance and they quickly became much less attractive. So i always go for the humorous guy who knows how to make fun of himself and life on occasion...

Bottomline is you want to express yourself in a way that makes you seem 'alive'. The ones who droned on without interjecting any personality in their messages seemed like robots ... boring. But that first initial email doesn't have to be the most clever in the world, just enough to grab some initial attention. Then when you start chatting you can try to be a bit more cleverly humorous.

Interject a little humor in it. If the woman is attractive at all, she probably gets hundreds of emails. You need to make it so yours stands apart. Before I knew I had Asperger's, I was trying to date by meeting online. I was good at getting a response back, but never really knew where to take it from there. I'd have an intro similar to yours, but add something like, "By the way, I just can't handle any more crazy women. So if you're the type who's into animal sacrificing on a full moon, please don't respond." You wouldn't believe how many replies I'd get because of that line and how funny they thought it was.