07 May 2009, 4:07 pm
I fear i might be going crazy over a friend. I can't get her out of my head, i feel so depressed because i'm unable to pluck up the courage to ask her out. I keep thinking what's wrong with me and, well, it's because i have Asperger's, i know. Sometimes i can't speak to her, can't look her in the eyes, can't answer a simple question she asks without panicking. I've known her for nearly a year now, you'd think i'd be used to her. I do feel more comfortable with her later on through the day when I've calmed down. Every time i meet her it's like meeting a new girl for the first time, very odd.
I think she is interested in me, but, well, you know, it's all a bit complicated. I didn't have much luck with my last girlfriend - if i can call her that as i was only with her for less than a month - i was under so much stress and had to break up. She was a bit upset, but we were still friends. She found someone else, had an argument with him and eventually overdosed or committed suicide on her medication. This was very traumatic for me, i tend to take things like this rather badly, this blew me up into little pieces. I began thinking about wasting my life, obsessed about my own eventual death and everyone else's eventual non-existence.
I really don't want to go through that again. 
The title refers to one of my favorite TV shows....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyKAXromYEs
...and the fact that i'm stuck in a routine.
