What does this MEAN???!

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right so obviously, by the number of utterly confused posts I've made in this forum this week, I'm a little.... unsure right now, and obsessing (quietly!) & freaking out...
so...
My (ex?)BF came over on friday to "talk" in person. I already knew kinda what was coming cuz we had talked on the phone the night before & I started crying like an idiot & he got all anxious & kept asking to come & talk in person, so I let him. All my autie friends like him a lot, they all think he has autie tendencies, and may even be autistic. I dont know. We've been going out a few months and about 3 weeks ago everything went all to hell with my life. My job went from good to terrifying, then I decided to quit, so was scared about money and not being able to pay rent & stuff, and then I got really sick & was in and out of the hospital for a while. And I am, kind of one of those really frighteningly intense people. I'd been toning it down enough to not scare BF off, but when everything got shot all to hell it all came out, as too needy or anxious or angry or something.

And he had told me when we started going out that he had quit dating for a while & started again with me, but that he wasnt ready for sex, that he likes to take his time, etc. But I could tell he want-ed/s to have sex with me & is keeping himself back, he is so physically kind to me, touching me gently, kissing my forehead, hands, etc. I'm kinda confused, did I misinterpret his body language? Or is he just scared? My friends keep saying he's a really nice guys & I need to chill out. My roommate says hes a p****, tho, and that he's too afraid of his emotions. I think they're all right. But right now I dont even know where our relationship stand right now, I was hoping someone could help me understand what he might be thinking?

Friday he came over & told me we should take a break, that he is very busy with school & having two jobs right now & that he felt that he wasnt ready for a relationship & he realized that too late & he was sorry. He also said that it (dunno what "it" was) is unfair to me, becuz he is busy & cant spend much time with me. He asked if we could take a break and go back to being friends (we were never friends, we met at a party & started going out). I was just crying and trying to be coherent but my sentences were just randomly strung together & probably didnt make much sense, tho he said he understood what I was trying to say. I was sitting as far from him as I could get on a sofa & had a pillow covering all my face tho I kinda sometimes would look over it at him. I told him it was hard to look at him & he asked why & I said its hard for me to look at strangers. & he seemed very upset & asked me "do you see me as a stranger now?" & I said I kinda did becuz I hoped that someday he would feel safe enough to open up to me & now I knew he never would and that means he will stay a stranger to me.and he seemed really bothered by that. I asked him was he just asking to be friends facetously but he said he really meant it, & asked if I would rather not becuz I was so upset but I said that would suck not to have him in my life. So then we got all quiet, me staring at the cieling trying not to cry & him staring at me, then away then back at me til I asked him why he was staring at me & he said "you have beautiful eyes" which made me very angry & then he asked for a hug, so I calmed myself as best I could and went to hug him and told him how when I was younger I would cut my face, and shaved my head and tried to gain a lot of wieght cuz everyone just wants the pretty eyes or hair or etc. and nobody wants whats inside cuz I guess its not pretty enough & then he said that I'm beautiful & I said who cares what I look like & he said, "no all of you, everything about you is beautiful." & kind of sounded like he was going to cry & pulled away really fast. So then I tried to make a joke saying that if he wanted to be my friend he had to be ready to put up with my belligerance and bossy yelling & he said "you can yell at me when ever you want" & then he left.

Afterward I got mad, thinking what right did he have to choose what is "fair" to me, so I texted him, called him a coward & an idiot & some other stuff, told him I wanted to fight, that I didnt understand his rational & finally he opened up, said he was really exhausted, scared, that there's a part he will always hide, etc. and we argued a bit more then took a break & I invited him to a waterballoon fight I'm gonna set up for the weekend & he started text flirting (joking?) about wearing a superman thong and etc. & we have texted everyday since & talked on sunday cuz I offered to help him with homework...

so I wonder... if I am such a beautiful person, why doesnt he want to be with me? Is this a temporary break? He originally said something about until his classes end but I dont know if he wants to get back with me... I'm... so confused. I dont understand. I dont think he does either! What do you guys think?

Sounds like intimacy issues. You were to close emotionally for his level of comfort, & he drove you back the best way he knew how. He likes you, but wants to keep his distance.

why? and for how long? how can you tell?

He may be scared, but that probably isn't all. There could be a lot of reasons why he doesn't want sex now.

I think he likes you a lot. If he were just after sex, he would have gotten it by now. If he wanted to break it off completely, he wouldn't still be talking to you and he wouldn't want to be friends.


Sounds like it as far as I can tell.

I hope you are right Ancalagon.
This is so wierd for me becuz I have never believed in marriage at all and yet, snce shortly after I met him I keep thinking "this is the boy I'm going to marry." & even now, I cant get that thought out of my head, crazy as I know it is.

Stop. Rewind. Slow down.

You rushed into the relationship too fast.

When you meet a guy, on the first dates you not supposed to talk about personal issues or anything deep - just superficial things because you two are trying to get know each other.

YOU SKIPPED THIS STEP so you two don't really know each other yet. SLOW IT DOWN and just get to know each other as friends without sharing anything personal, deep, keeping your problems to yourself, and not engaging in sexual activity. Do this for a few weeks at least. Let him know that you two may have missed this step and that to fix things you two might need to do this.

It is also TOO EARLY for you to be thinking about sex with this gentleman. GET TO KNOW HIM first.

Don't over think this. Marriage is now where near in sight, so forget about it for now.

hope this helps.

I know you are right, I rush into a lot of relationships, even friendships, but I have really excellent friends and have known many of them for a similar length of time, yet my friends seem to nw me better than he does. Arg.
But we've had "deep" talks since the begining, like do we believe in marriage & kinds of relationships, do we like/want kids, what do we hope to achieve with our lives, etc. & it is odd & intriguing to me becuz he is almost always the one who initiates this type of conversation. About sex, well I asked him if he wanted to kiss me the first time, but after that it has been him pursuing (?) me, like to do stuff to me, even tho he refuses to let me do anything for him, but he's slept over twice and both times he woke me up to cuddle & touch me & give me massages etc., so I dont get why he's all "yes... but.. NO!" like, I cant figure out if I'm being too much, becuz he seems to be responding to it, a lot, but then he freaks out or something
Why is it too soon for sex?
Yes I know the marriage bit is pure craziness, I would never bring it up to him, it just keeps popping in my head cuz I feel so good & safe with him, and he is so nice & kind & respecting of my wierdness, etc.

it's tempting to talk about deep personal stuff. it's good that you two can.

i think you two just don't know each other well enough to understand each other's behavior. you can talk to him about what you want and like with regard to intercourse, and ask him what he likes/dislikes.

i find it perplexing that you two are either going to break up or have sex. is the sex issue causing you two a lot of stress?
for good intercourse i imagine it's a good idea for the two people to be relaxed. maybe you could wait until you resolve the questions that are making you both stressed out and anxious?

not sex per se, I dont really care about sex either way, but you know, sometimes in the moment you want to touch the other person & see/feel them enjoying themselves and he wont let me do that, so I kinda feel at times, that he does thing to me to amuse himself, like he watches me squirm and asks did I like it, etc. so I feel like I'm putting on a show, but hes not laughing at me or anything, its just me being confused, cuz most guys are dying to be touched, does that make any sense? & he has told me what he likes, etc but he won let me do anything to HIM, which is somewhat frustratng, but mostly just really confusing to me & that makes me anxious & he gets upset & can tell right away if I'm anxious & thinks its all his fault, even tho I have a lot o stuff going on right now making me upset, & the anxiety he produes is minor becuz ultimately I can inda tell that he does care for me a great deal & is scared to..... if that makes any sense :X

it sounds like you two are just confused and you are trying to manage many difficult aspects of your life at once - each of them giving you anxiety. i am no dating expert and i really have no idea what to say. in fact, i feel uncomfortable talking about very private things on a public forum and i feel like i am intruding on someone's territory. anyway, good luck to you guys, i think if you talk things out you might make sense of your life better. but it's hard and i would not feel bad if things work out differently than you expected. in my experience, things are never like i predicted them. sometimes they are worse, but sometimes they are better!

thank you anyway, for your advice. PS writing things out in a forum where I no no-ne & no-one knows me is a lot easier than saying these embarrassing & frustrating things to someone in person

ummm... did not you just post your pic in the avatar? if anyone google "asperger's" this forum is first thing that comes up...

heh yea but um, I look different in pics than I do in person some how, so Im not really worried anyone will recognize me, except my group & they already know my drama. Plus there do not seem to be many people on this site who live in my state, let alone city. But maybe its just the illusion of anonymity that makes it easy t express myself in writing here? I dont need the actuality of anonymity if that makes any sense

but this site gets hundreds of views from non members just googling

I dont really worry about stuff like that. If I did I would worry constantly about every little thing, a glance a word, or like my PDD-NOS friend who gets paranoid if someone logs off facebook as hes trying to start a chat with them, he gets paranoid that they are mad or hate or are avoiding him. I'd rather not think about negative possibilities at all, it takes a lot more energy to be paranoid anxious & worried all the time. Tho my family yells at me a lot always telling me I need to learn to have malice and to realize that people are malicious....

Do you think he could be asexual?