How do you know if somebody is right for you?

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Honestly, how do you know?

I churn things over my head all the time and struggle to know what I feel or want. How do you know when someone is the right partner? Is it true that you don't even have to question this once you've found the right person because instinct tells you it;s right? Do you just take a chance and see how things go? Maybe I expect to KNOW everything before it's reasonable to expect myself to. I have a friend who thinks I'm the one, and I do feel comfortable with him - we're great friends despite my social issues - but part of me thinks maybe he isn't right as a boyfriend. He lacks something - passion/energy -I can't explain it. Maybe it's me livng in fantasy land and I need to settle for someone stable and predictable. My previous partner was possible Aspie and we had great physcial attraction although we were emotionally distant.

I just don't know how people know when it's right to be with someone. Am I making this too complicated?

you never know if they are right for you.

you just have to take a risk.

trust yourself that you can handle it if it does not work out.

at worst you will have learned lessons for next time

Careful... you might learn things, but you might also ruin a friendship and really hurt someone. I did that with my first boyfriend - I was never really attracted to him but I thought that perhaps physical attraction was just superficial and I didn't need it. Maybe some people work fine without it but I don't. When I was with him I was not a good girlfriend to him and he got hurt. Since then I've had to reject several guys who asked me out who I was friends with because I know the same thing would happen and by rejecting them straight out I'd probably hurt them less. My current boyfriend I was friends with too, but he's different. There was always something about him which just grabbed my attention.
I don't know. It's up to you and whether you think it's worth the risk.

Thanks guys. That is my main worry, that I will hurt my friend badly and that is the last thing I want as he clearly feels very strongly about me. I don't feel particularly physcially attracted to him although ilike you Gremmie I keep telling myself it shouldn't be about that. I just wish there was a way of knowing from the outset if this is the right thing to do. I don't want to get involved and hurt him, but then again I will hurt him now if I tell him we're just friends and that's it. I want things to be right with him as he offers security and all the rest of it, but I don't feel right about it. My previous partner had a lot of issues and we were very volatile together but we were very attracted to each other and I liked that part of it. I'm confused about that to do. My friend is clear about his feelings and I guess I need to be honest and say I just don't know whether things will develop.

I only have three requirements. Anything else is just a nice bonus.

1. She must be attracted to me, and it's a non-negotiable requirement. If a girl is not attracted to me, she's automatically not my type. Girls are the ones who do the choosing, so she must choose me before anything else can happen. Otherwise I'll end up being the platonic male friend she complains to about the jerks she slept with.

2. She must have at least a basic level of social skills. At the minimum, she has to know basic courtesies and be able to interact with service personnel. I don't care if she's popular or not, but I do want the benefit of taking her to many fun places in my city, and generally going out in public with her. So yeah, simple social skills are a must.

3. She must look good enough for me to enjoy being intimate with her, yet not so good as to pose a risk of leaving me for a better-looking guy. It's more for security than anything else, as well as reducing the odds of good-looking guys charming her away from me. Besides, a hot girl tends to have hot friends who might convince her to break up with me.

You need to be in love with this person. If you have never been in love, you WILL know it when it hits you. I fell in love with a gal at my last job in the late 90s. I think she liked me but obviously didn't love me. She was about 12 years younger than I. I have some feelings for another gal that worked at the place I do now. She left 2 years ago when she had a mental breakdown from Bi-polar disorder.

I think when you are truly conflicted about it, it means either the person isn't right OR the timing isn't right. It honestly could be either. A lot of potentially great relationships die on the floor of timing.

It sounds to me like you've got personal development to do. I'm not saying you NEED any, just that in your tone it sounds like you are on that path right now. Just not READY to say, "you're the one." In which case, you shouldn't. You would always be questioning if you had made the right decision, simply because you weren't ready to make it.

When I started dating my husband, things simply felt right. We held back, we took it slow, I questioned many things about him. But somehow inside the one constant was the sense that we would end up together. It's a different kind of questioning than one goes through when it isn't the right person or time.

We actually met 2 years before our first date. The timing wasn't right for him, and he didn't ask me out. But he didn't forget about me, and when he was in a different place, he asked my sister if she thought I might say yes if, after all this time, he called me out of the blue and asked me out (they knew other socially).

It is a difficult conversation to have, to tell someone who is ready that you are not. That you don't know if it is them or if it is the timing. With you and your words, I'm banking on the later. But you can't ask him to wait for you, either. Whatever happens from there, happens. You have to live with it.

I think it comes after actually being in a relationship for at least a year.