Dating/Marrying People from a foreign culture Your thoughts?

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Sounds like a bizzare post, I know, but I thought I'd present it anyways. I've been thinking about what I find attractive in women and I keep finding that I am attracted to women of a different culture than I am, like hispanic, asian, european, etc. I like to call it the "foreign factor", and I've seen that occur with girls in high school before. Some foreign exchange student from Germany, for example, comes in, and the girls are fascinated and flirtaeous with the new guy. Sounds bizzare, doesn't it, but I think it would be very interesting and exciting to date/marry someone from a foreign culture.

My reasoning behind such an action seems a bit too general, but I'll state it anyways. People from one culture usually date/marry people from that same culture, with some exceptions though. I guess that a sense of a shared culture and a sense of identity is what makes people date/marry each other, and because of their close proximity to one another. However, there isn't anything really foreign or exotic about such a circumstance, you basically understand your partner to a very sensible degree because you share the same cultural/ethnic background.

However, if you dated/married someone from a different culture, you would have something more interesting to talk about and share with your partner, things wouldn't probably nearly that monotonous. You could learn about a different culture entirely. Maybe it is just me and my thoughts, what do you guys think about it?

I also reason that (and this is a generalization, but I will go ahead anyways) many Americans (which I belong to as an American) have their own sense of arrogance and pride about themselves when it comes to dating or marriage. Not all, but several, as far as I have seen. The majority of us aspies have never fared well romantically, and I wonder if that is a product of our society, the masculine culture that has occured in the U.S., where things like confidence, material wealth, courage, boldness, arrogance, and power are valued, while other traits are often diminished in value. Perhaps there are other cultures where there isn't a sense of arrogance, as I mentioned above, and that people are more receptive to romantic relationships without getting their ego involved. Perhaps that's what we naturally shy aspies need, people who are more romantically receptive. I might give it a try, if given the oppurtunity, but hey, that's just me. Tell me what you guys think

It can work.

However you both will have to make allowances and make an effort to learn about the other's culture. There might be a problem with some of the other family members, but when its your spouses family, your showing knowledge and respect of their culture can help ease their doubts about you

depends on the circumstances, the nations involved, and how it's set up. I will admit that there are a lot of people who have met people from foreign climes, married them and it worked out just fine...BUT

Trust, but verify. There are also a LOT of people (men and women) who 'marry under false pretenses', and will go along for the minimum amount of time to get citizenship, then kick you to the curb. I saw it happen to one of my friends, and several of his friends (simultaneously. I smelled a rat...well, also I couldn't afford the thousands to get one over). He has a wonderful little girl, but mama took him for whatever she could get, and then moved her (native) boyfriend to the States, and married him.

Just saying, keep your eyes open. It happens in Europe as well.

It does seem to becoming more popular these days. I think a lot of Americans (especially men) feel they have better chances with dating/marrying someone foreign than they do in their own country. Why? Because people are too picky these days, and a large part of it is our culture. And like AutisticMalcontent said, Aspies have it especially bad, because American culture paints us all as "creeps," "losers," "nerds," etc. We may have better chances with people from a culture which doesn't buy into that crap. I'm reminded of a member who was once here ("tailfins" I think his username was?) who actually went to Latin America to find his wife, and was promoting Latin Americans as ideal for us. I'm not sure whether that makes any difference, but he seemed to think it did.

It seems that you are describing what could be considered something along the lines of mail-order brides, right? Heavens no, I would never consider such a thing, way too risky. As you said, you don't know if the person loves you or if they are merely looking for an oppurtunity to get their citizenship and screw you over. It is sad to think people do that, I knew someone who had that happen to them. But don't think all crimes will go unpunished, people who do stuff like this will either be punished here or in the hereafter

Agreed and agreed again. I'm well on my way in that department, that is if I ever date an Asian girl. I already know how to use chopsticks and I use them at Chinese/Japanese restaraunts, I own a Happi coat and have an interest in Asian culture/history, and I can speak some Japanese

Of course those things are superficial, I would have to get more in depth, but I'm off to a good start Family members might be problematic at first, but trust occurs in a matter of time, and someone as peaceful and amiable as me would have such trust in no time

I'm an Australian btw.

My first boyfriend was Chinese (I'm caucasian) and it worked fantastically between us. I loved that he was from a different culture, spoke cantonese at home, and ate delicious food all the time I'm a pretty multicultural person myself though, my family (although being 3rd generation white aussies, with one english grandparent bah boring) likes to eat food from different cultures and stuff. I grew up using chopsticks for some meals

I learnt heaps of stuff from him, like how to play mahjong (sp?)

Agreed with everything you said, our culture is too picky, so why not go for a culture that is not overly picky? I grow bored of the stereotypical blonde types, and to a certain extent attractive brunettes as well.

So this "tailfins" guy went over to Latin America to find his wife and is advocating Latin Americans as ideal for us, huh? I don't know about that, typically I have heard hispanic people to be very passionate and emotionally inclined, the exact opposite of our nature. Perhaps not true of all hispanics, but I do have a friend from Puerto Rico who has told me that they are a vivacious bunch.
Culturally, if I am not entirely mistakened, the hispanic culture is a male dominated culture, which would tend to work in guys' favor I suppose.

Personally, if I had a choice, I'd go after either the main Asian ethnicities (Chinese, Japanese, or Korean), or go after the Spanish. The Spanish, unlike the Mexicans, tend to look more like Caucasians (with the lighter skin tone), but they tend to have darker hair, which I consider very attractive, especially in women. A lot of asian women look beautiful naturally, they generally don't need a lot of make-up to look beautiful, which is a natural kind of beauty, not an artificial one. If you take off the make up on a lot of girls, they look absolutely ghastly But these are just my personal tastes.

Definitely the way to go.

Last edited by Diamond_Head on 12 Oct 2008, 12:31 am, edited 7 times in total.

Yeah, Tailfins was REALLY conservative, and his whole thing seemed to be that Latinas were better because they "knew their place" and American women didn't. But I don't agree with that kind of thinking.

I've been in several different countries (including some in Asia and in Central/South America). Believe me, the hopes that so many American men have that there is some attractive but naive and non-picky girl waiting for them out there in some foreign country is waaaay off base. Many of the former countries in which these type of scenarios used to occur are becoming much more developed than they were 20 or 30 years ago, which means people there can afford to be selective. With the advent of the internet, cell phones, social networking sites, and just globalization in general, the women from every country (including those in Asia and Latin America) are not uncomplicated, simple girls who are sitting and waiting around for some American guy to come sweep them off their feet and whisk them away to America. I have yet to meet any who are non-picky and who have a desperate hope that some American guy will sweep down out of the sky and take them away to comfortable suburban glory back in the US. Unless you mean a mail-order bride, who usually divorces the guy as soon as she gets her greencard.

I'm a product of cross-cultural relationships myself (white, asian, middle eastern), and my girlfriend of 7 years is half Pacific Islander / half Asian. The one and only time I actually travelled across the American Midwest- the states like Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, etc. - I found that there were an overwhelming amount of people who had only dated and married people from the exact same background, belief system, and ethnic culture as them. In some places, if your name isn't something like Becky Johnson or Billy Ray Smith, people look at anyone who'se of an unidentified ethnicity like they're some kind of exotic species of animal imported from the Amazon rain forest. It definitely seems to be something which other people find interesting though, especially those people who have lived most of their life in a suburban, homogenous type of environment.

What you said is true though, most people still marry within their own ethnic background. It's too bad that many people are still afraid to do this, or feel uncomfortable with it. I think this may be more for reasons of simply not knowing how to approach members of a different culture than for reasons such as family pressure or being truly uncomfortable (although those can definitely play a part). Many white guys I know are very fond of asian girls, but very often have trouble finding a common ground on which to converse with them at first - which is a requirement of any beginning relationship.

My attitude is this- you only live once. Why date someone who looks just the same as you, comes from the same type of background, and likes all the same things? Be adventurous and try exploring the unknown, instead of just staying within the set boundries of your own culture and upbringing.

Besides, from what I've seen in a large amount of cases, your children will probably come out beautiful and you can name them more interesting names without them sounding cheesy or fake.



lol, wanting to date someone of a different culture or ethnicity, but who you still want to look Caucasian regardless, seems ironic somewhat. Why is the lighter skin tone equated with a higher standard of attractiveness? If you wanted to date someone with lighter skin tone, wouldn't it be easier to just date someone who was white, and was of the same background and culture as you are?

Skin tone is meaningless when it comes to beauty. Believe me, I could show you some Polynesian girls in California and Hawaii that any normal man would fall head over heels for, regardless of what "skin tone" you prefer. There are attractive people of all cultural backgrounds, ethnicities, and skin tones.

Last edited by Diamond_Head on 12 Oct 2008, 1:52 am, edited 12 times in total.

I'm an American planning to marry someone from the UK. It's made things a little more interesting, but "foreign"... not so much. The only thing it's really affected is my taste in chocolate (yay Cadbury, boo Hershey) and ability to pull off a couple more accents convincingly.


This mostly applies to long-distance relationships. It's obviously easier if both people are in close proximity.

Pros: Visits are like mini-vacations, you learn about another place and culture, and if you're limited in the amount of time you can spend together, you learn to appreciate every moment of it. Good food is often an advantage, but I can't really comment on that myself... I've still yet to taste haggis, black pudding was vile, and everything else was the same.

Cons: Being far away from someone you care about is hard, different time zones make keeping in contact complicated, travel is expensive, and if it works out, you will learn to hate dealing with immigration with a passion.

Overall, I think its something good to try once, as a learning experience, if nothing else. And speaking objectively, I definitely wouldn't rule it out. The rewards can outweigh any trouble, by far.

Actually, I have been thinking about it myself. I come from Norway, but I am particularly attracted to Italian, French, Spanish, Portugese, other Latin, Greek and Middle East women. I have been considering some of this foreign bride dating sites. Of course there is the danger that one ends up with someone that takes you just to get a passport to your country. In my own case, this possibility is ruled out anyway, as I have to low income to be allowed to bring her to my country.Plus as I am only 36, I am to young to take my disability pension abroad, at least this is how I have understood the rules. In other words, I am not allowed to marry whom I want .

i have no thoughts on it.

interesting obseration, and while i have no stats available on the subject i do have an observation.

Many men with As tend to marry or date women from a culture that is different from their own.

the difficulties expereinced in ones own culture is magnified through both AS and cultural expectations within that culture that everyone has who has grown up in and is familiar in that culture.

with an individual from another culture, the eccentricities and odd behaviour displayed by many As and rejected within their own culture is either hidden or accepted by a foreign culture as being from a different country rather than just being seen as odd.

there are, in my opinion many children of mix race marriages where their As father has mnarried another culture or travelled to another country.

Yeah, I know about a girl who has had big difficulties to get a job. Whether she has Asperger, I do not know. I think it is more likely to be something psychic. But strangely enough she suddenly got a job at the embassy of an Asian country (I will not say which, as some might identify her). She has really big problems relating to people, much more than me. It actually occurred to me that her Asian employers might think her strange behaviour could be explained in terms of cultural differences, not personal, which might have neen an advantage to her.