Why single women are drawn to men who are spoken for

Page 1 of 4 [ 58 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Haliphron
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,980

25 Apr 2009, 2:11 am

I'm curious to know why it is that many single NT women find men who are taken to be more attractive/appealing then men who are likewise single. Its as though there's this mistaken notion that single guys are automatically "losers". Is this attitude more pervasive amongst younger women(late teens through mid 20s) or is it age independent.... :?
I can honestly say that I find this attitude very repulsive and I personally wouldnt want to get involved with women who feel this way. I am single right now and I really dont wanna be but my recent attempts to change that have gone NO WHERE. Im starting to conclude that whether or not Im single really is beyond my control. :(



MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,052
Location: MO

25 Apr 2009, 2:24 am

I don't know if this is true in general but I had a friend like that.

She even dated married guys!

It started out with her getting even with this other girl when they were saying stuff behind eachother's backs. I couldn't handle all the drama and lies so that's when my friendship ended with her....and ironically the last guy she was with was cheating on her. I think I was afraid the same thing would happen to me and plus there were other trust issues I had with her such as stealing. So she had a lot of red flags about her.

The same happened to my sister's husband. There were girls hitting on him and being rude to her. Even one of her friends was doing it of all things. It almost ruined their relationship.

So I'm at a loss to why some women do this too.....:?

In fact I made a thread about it a while back. I guess women are a very competitive species with eachother but why taking another girl's boyfriend/husband is beyond me.


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


Blasty
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,205
Location: At my workbench

25 Apr 2009, 2:25 am

I would guess the thought process might go something like, "Hey, she's with him, so he must be worth dating!"

I'm not really sure, but quite a few people think it works this way. When I first started dating, I did notice girls showing slight interest in me now and then, whereas I didn't even get a blip on the radar before. Silly how it works.



Haliphron
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,980

25 Apr 2009, 2:33 am

Blasty wrote:
I would guess the thought process might go something like, "Hey, she's with him, so he must be worth dating!"

I'm not really sure, but quite a few people think it works this way. When I first started dating, I did notice girls showing slight interest in me now and then, whereas I didn't even get a blip on the radar before. Silly how it works.



When I met my first gf at age 19, I didn't notice other women showing any more or less interest in me. But when I met my second gf in late 2006, I really did notice more women showing an interest in me and now that Im single again people act as though Im desperate. :x



TitusLucretiusCarus
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 518

25 Apr 2009, 5:36 am

One possibility is that when seeing a gf, you may not be actively looking for 'it' (be that sex or relationship), which may make them curious as to why you aren't showing any interest in them as in 'i feel good because this that and the other guy flirt/pay attention with/to me every so often, life is kinda rosy, hey wait, what? why is he not also paying some attention? hmmm, whats with him, hey, hey, HEY! thats right, girl, over here, hello, good, attention gained move on"; sort of like paying ontological tribute to someone, its worth more if there is a significant other (might be wrong on that bit) and if it is not given freely, sometimes it has to be demanded.....

when without a gf, lacking the social skills and nuances of interaction that we do, they see that we are/may be looking for 'it' and don't consider the 'tribute' worth acquiring when that encouragement may lead to you taking it as meaning a little more than it is

hmmm, not sure if i make sense to myself......



LePetitPrince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,464

25 Apr 2009, 6:35 am

It's logical, there are more demand on attractive people than on unattractive people and taken people are more likely to be attractive...



Haliphron
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,980

25 Apr 2009, 6:51 am

LePetitPrince wrote:
It's logical, there are more demand on attractive people than on unattractive people and taken people are more likely to be attractive...


Not quite. Because being taken seems to make a man more attractive to women than being single. THAT is what Im saying, you totally got it backwards. As I man I DO NOT find women who are taken to be more desirable than those that are single, quite the opposite in fact.



cassandra
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2009
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 106

25 Apr 2009, 6:57 am

I think it is do with competition. If a man is spoken for it is more of a challenge to "steal" him away from his gf/wife. By doing so it is an egoistic thing. Like "I am so much better than her I stole her BF/Husband" Some people are like that because they need to boost their egos. Not just women though, there are men out there who go for women who are spoken for for exactly the same reason.



MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,052
Location: MO

25 Apr 2009, 8:18 am

^That's what I think.


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


SarahH
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2009
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 11

25 Apr 2009, 8:20 am

That is such a major generalisation. I'm a woman and I don't prefer married guys, and no normal people that I know do either. Frankly if a guy's married and he's showing any signs that me chasing him might lead somewhere, he's showing a personality trait that is very unattractive.



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

25 Apr 2009, 8:32 am

I am guessing psychological problems.

I've been given lots more looks when i have been on dates and one girls that worked in a bowling alley that i had seen on another place we used to work at, suddenly started to chat me up.

It also must primarily be a female-thing since i have never heard about this phenomena being mentioned in relationships forums (i have frequented) about men.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


HAL_9000
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 16 Nov 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 250

25 Apr 2009, 9:50 am

All I can say about the matter is, the more I learn or hear about human behaviour, the more I just feel contempt. It makes sense in an animal behaviour kind of way, but still... People like to say we aren't animals.



anna-banana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,682
Location: Europe

25 Apr 2009, 10:01 am

it's a silly generalisation. I've never met anyone like that.


_________________
not a bug - a feature.


Aspie_Chav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,931
Location: Croydon

25 Apr 2009, 11:56 am

cassandra wrote:
I think it is do with competition. If a man is spoken for it is more of a challenge to "steal" him away from his gf/wife. By doing so it is an egoistic thing. Like "I am so much better than her I stole her BF/Husband" Some people are like that because they need to boost their egos. Not just women though, there are men out there who go for women who are spoken for for exactly the same reason.


That answer isn't consistent with Darwinian Psychology. T

they simply see married man are better material because he is taken. While the single man is left on the shelf so he must be not good. The same logic applies to almost any commercial goods. If you see a model of car no one has purchased, you would come to the conclusion that it is no good. If you see them flocking, then it must be the best car going. Woman are attracted to man that other woman are and I am attracted to cars that other men are attracted to.

The second most popular car on the road The Vauxhall Astra MK4. Fast and cheep and a all rounder that why the police choose them. What a coincidence I have one going for £1400
Image



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

25 Apr 2009, 12:05 pm

Aspie_Chav wrote:
The second most popular car on the road The Vauxhall Astra MK4. Fast and cheep and a all rounder that why the police choose them. What a coincidence I have one going for £1400
Image


A bit OT but:

£1400? Now that is CHEAP! If they break down, you can almost just throw it away and buy a new one!


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


amazon_television
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,608
Location: I woke up on 7th street

25 Apr 2009, 12:14 pm

Actually, the women that have been really drawn to me, have almost without exception been the ones who are taken themselves. This has always been super confusing to me because it's not like I'm particularly outgoing, much less busting moves on these girls. Plus I'm usually aware of the fact they are "involved", so I tend to remove myself even further. Not that I really genuinely give a sh*t from a moral standpoint, but I'm not a dirtbag who is running around proactively pulling stunts on dudes' girlfriends....

Whatever, they're adults, they can make their own decisions. If they see me at face value and decide that is what they want instead, it is their option to pursue. Sometimes I am down, and always my conscience is clear.