Embarrasing mistake I've made!

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Hey guys. It always helps to admit when your wrong, and use people as a sound board. I don't even know why I feel the need to share this doozy, but here goes:

I took interest in somebody, but didn't have classes with her, so I stopped her one day and asked if I had a class with her (she actually did look familiar, so it wasn't entirely a lie.) She was polite enough, so I introduced myself and we went our way. I saw her again in the cafeteria, and invited her to sit down, but she had a meeting to go to. She'd see me around school, and kinda keep away, so I shrugged it off. Can't win 'em all. But one day she was manning a side-table for some club or something, and trying to promote something. She went out of her way to try and get my attention, even walking behind me trying to ask if I was signed up for _____. I declined but she persisted. Man, she was all smiles! I really didn't want anything to do with it, but wished her luck then excused myself. I saw her the next day as I was coming to the bottom of a stair case. She was going up, and when she saw me she was back to keeping her head down. I found this totally hypocritical, and on a whim said, "Don't ignore me like that. It's not very nice."

I immediately felt like I was looking at myself in disbelief. I couldn't believe how stupid I'd just been. Not only does she probably think I'm a stalker, but man, what a creepy comment to make. This was all last semester, and to this day, she still alters her path when she sees me. It's like I can't forgive myself. She's also pretty prominent and active on campus, so I'm worried I might get talked about. ****, I don't even know why I posted this, probably to get it off of my conscience.

You say she alters her path, Do you mean to stay away from you or to be close to you?

Interpretation.

1. She wasn't interested in you. She never was.
2. When she had something to peddle, she thought she could use her charm on you to get you to join/invest - her charms failed
3. Now that she's not peddling anything, she's gone back to ignoring you.
4. Your outspoken remark embarrassed her - and she's keeping her distance.

She will be talking about you. There's nothing you can do and any further contact will only worsen things.

The sooner you ignore her and look at someone else, the better.

I couldn't really tell you for sure, unless I was there and witnessed the whole thing, but this statement sounds about right.

To add to the list of possiblilties:
5. She likes you, but avoids you because she gets nervous around you. Yes, women do strange things. This is a long shot, considering the situation, but it's possible.

Either way, I would say it's best to just move on.

Last edited by SilverStar on 27 Apr 2009, 10:50 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I would say your calculations are spot on, gbollard.

Merle

Yeah, that's pretty much it. But I long came to accept that she was never interested. I figured that out early on. The only reason I spoke up was because it was outrageously self centered to try and get something out of me one minute because she could tell I liked her, then go back to snubbing me. I'm just worried about getting a reputation. I guess there's nothing I can do at this point.

the reputation you are getting is you can't be played, and that's not too bad, actually.

Merle

Head down after you look at her? One of the signs of attraction. If she looks at you while her head is down it's known as a 'forehead bow'

But to get a clearer picture you need to learn the Female interest and body language.

I agree with gbollard's interpretation. I wouldn't be too bullish about chances with her.

That being said -- nice mack moves, buddy! (I mean that in total seriousness)

On some other chick, it will probably work if you do that often enough with chicks you have some kind of indication that they might be interested.

As far as this one -- ignore her, no chances there. You did your best, and it was great, but she's just not interested, and yeah, she tried to use you with the sign-up thing. I hate girls like that.

I just gotta comment. The more one sees women and girls as 'chicks' the fewer the chances are with one that does not see herself as a 'chick.'


Merle

I disagree -- "chick" is equivalent to "dude" here in CA and other places. It's a fairly normal part of colloquial English, and as old as the day is long (but at your age, I'm sure you know this already).

There's also a temptation for lonely Aspies to put girls on a pedestal. Unfortunately, most women (and this comes from my very nice, loving wife as well) won't respect a guy who treats them like something holy -- they'll just use him. Breaking them down to the abstract "chick" takes some of the edge off and makes it less serious, something a lot of single guys here could use.

And anyways, this girl acted like a "chick," not a respectful female friend. Ignored him until she wanted something, then tried to use him. She probably even told her friends at the signup desk "Watch, I can reel in this guy, he's crazy for me" and then looked like an ass when she got refused. This is a good lesson for this guy to learn now, and one that was hard-learned by me -- watch out for user chicks.

And when you do land a chick, don't let her jerk you around. A little insecurity with women goes a long way.

The girl probably needed an excuse to get closer as she probably didn't want to look too keen. Personally, if i was avoiding someone for that reason I would not approach them on any occasion, nor would i avoid them to that extent.

I dunno, I think after the ice was broken, she wouldn't have still been in ignore mode. She only made the effort when she needed something, and then went back to ignoring him. My money is on her being a user and not interested.

He should cut his losses and work on someone else.

I think you were totally right to say that. She was being a b***h. Then again, she may not have recognized you at all. Just becuz you like her so much you always notice her does not necesarily mean you even registered on her radar, so she wasnt "ignoring" you per se, she just may not have noticed you.

Also, I dont think "head bow" is a sign of attraction, might be culturally, but I'm pretty sure whoever said that is way off. I know personally I bow my head only to avoid looking at someone, becuz I dont know them, dislike them, dont wanna see them etc...

Yeah, that's it, just like the look you gave me in your profile (forehead bow).

The 'head bow' alone is not enough to suggest attraction, but it does indicate that she is uncomfortable with eye contact. I lack eye contact with the people i fancy the most. Which is why i can't look at your profile picture for more than 2 seconds.

I just thought I would post an alternative view, i'm not saying it's what I think is true.

I think maybe you mean a head tilt? But the girl has to be looking up at you, like through her lashes (I have been reading body language for flirting books! hahaha) & should have a "coy smile"... whatever that is.....

anyway, thanks for the compliment hahaha