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solinoure
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27 May 2009, 6:06 pm

What do women mean, when they say so and so is not relationship material?

What makes a man be relationship material?

And contrariwise, what makes a woman relationship material?

Relationship material <- Doubting I haz it - but wanna knows fer sure...


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jemir1234
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27 May 2009, 6:13 pm

solinoure wrote:
What do women mean, when they say so and so is not relationship material?

What makes a man be relationship material?

And contrariwise, what makes a woman relationship material?

Relationship material <- Doubting I haz it - but wanna knows fer sure...


I dont know man. women give mixed signals. so i cant answer this question, but it does mean one thing if they tell you this

She doesnt like you, so completely cut off communication with her



solinoure
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27 May 2009, 6:23 pm

jemir1234 wrote:
She doesnt like you, so completely cut off communication with her


LOL Thanks for the advice dude! But I'm not chatting up anyone. I live very isolated these days - in the woods, out in the country...

I'm asking in general. What makes someone relationship material? What does a woman think makes a man good relationship material and vice-versa.


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CelticGoddess
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27 May 2009, 6:30 pm

It honestly varies from person to person. My needs now at 34 would be different than what they were at 25. I think it depends on what the person who is doing the looking, what they want out of life at that time.



solinoure
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27 May 2009, 6:35 pm

CelticGoddess wrote:
It honestly varies from person to person. My needs now at 34 would be different than what they were at 25. I think it depends on what the person who is doing the looking, what they want out of life at that time.


OK - so they may vary from person to person and over time...

Maybe you could tell about what relationship material was then and now and what and why things changed.


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CelticGoddess
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27 May 2009, 6:43 pm

20's - Wanted to have kids, have a life partner (marriage was something I was on the fence about), work on my career. The type of man I was looking for at that time had to be done the screwing around part of life. Be a little more serious about what he wanted out of his life. Be responsible and have goals. Money wasn't something I factored into it.

30's - Have experienced kids and marriage. If I had to have another go at it and I would be looking for a partner who didn't want more kids. If he had kids of his own, that's fine. He has to have the ability to laugh at himself. Give me space when I need it and accept my quirks. He can't be a total extrovert who wants to go out all the time because that's the exact opposite of me. Has to love nature, be outdoorsy, likes roadtrips, and music.

But in both cases, I have to trust him and feel a connection. Without trust I can't offer anyone anything. That's a big deal to me.



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27 May 2009, 7:00 pm

From a woman's perspective: The main thing is someone who has their life *somewhat* together and knows what they want and knows who they are. Sorry if that's abstract, but there are a lot of people who get into relationships to become something that they are not already. Change will happen once you're in a relationship but it's never a good idea to get into a relationship just *because* you need to change yourself. Rule #1: Be fairly, at least, happy with who you are.

And then there has to be the ability to communicate who you are and what you need or want. Not necessarily in a smooth or suave way, but the desire and courage must be there.

Thirdly, you must have a willingness to compromise. Schedules, perceived responsbilities, even ideals. A relationship is two people, and ya gotta be fair.

If you're ready for these things, you're relationship material.



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27 May 2009, 7:10 pm

I fit all three of those characteristics.

I met someone nearly two years ago, and we became friends, and despite me having those characteristics, she accused me of not having them, and she wasn't going to compromise on the distance (she and I were 120 miles away--which isn't really that far).



jemir1234
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27 May 2009, 7:13 pm

patternist wrote:
From a woman's perspective: The main thing is someone who has their life *somewhat* together and knows what they want and knows who they are. Sorry if that's abstract, but there are a lot of people who get into relationships to become something that they are not already. Change will happen once you're in a relationship but it's never a good idea to get into a relationship just *because* you need to change yourself. Rule #1: Be fairly, at least, happy with who you are.

And then there has to be the ability to communicate who you are and what you need or want. Not necessarily in a smooth or suave way, but the desire and courage must be there.

Thirdly, you must have a willingness to compromise. Schedules, perceived responsbilities, even ideals. A relationship is two people, and ya gotta be fair.

If you're ready for these things, you're relationship material.


My life is completely together for a 17 year old. But for ralationship material. I cannot drive, i dont have a liscense or permit. i dont have a job. Thats the only things that I dont have, but it doesnt mater because I'm in school getting good grades and about to go off to college after i graduate next year, then I'll have those things together :D



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27 May 2009, 7:14 pm

You don't have to have a license, job, etc. (although those things might help), you just have to have some sort of plan for yourself.



jemir1234
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27 May 2009, 7:17 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
You don't have to have a license, job, etc. (although those things might help), you just have to have some sort of plan for yourself.


yea, although I'd rather have those two things if im in a relationship, because it sucks having to have someone drive you around and ask your mom for money. Moms are too bossy, they want things their way, and they take their sweet ass time to do it. Teenagers are in a rush, and need to be in a rush to get all the stuff done that they need done like; liscense, job, college, graduation, school etc.
Yes I do have a plan.



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27 May 2009, 7:25 pm

jemir1234 wrote:

My life is completely together for a 17 year old. But for ralationship material. I cannot drive, i dont have a liscense or permit. i dont have a job. Thats the only things that I dont have, but it doesnt mater because I'm in school getting good grades and about to go off to college after i graduate next year, then I'll have those things together :D


You rock. You're doing an awesome job. Good for you. 8)



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27 May 2009, 7:44 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I fit all three of those characteristics.

I met someone nearly two years ago, and we became friends, and despite me having those characteristics, she accused me of not having them, and she wasn't going to compromise on the distance (she and I were 120 miles away--which isn't really that far).


That probably meant SHE didn't have one of those three characteristics.
It's also possible I missed something.



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27 May 2009, 7:48 pm

jemir1234 wrote:
patternist wrote:
From a woman's perspective: The main thing is someone who has their life *somewhat* together and knows what they want and knows who they are. Sorry if that's abstract, but there are a lot of people who get into relationships to become something that they are not already. Change will happen once you're in a relationship but it's never a good idea to get into a relationship just *because* you need to change yourself. Rule #1: Be fairly, at least, happy with who you are.

And then there has to be the ability to communicate who you are and what you need or want. Not necessarily in a smooth or suave way, but the desire and courage must be there.

Thirdly, you must have a willingness to compromise. Schedules, perceived responsbilities, even ideals. A relationship is two people, and ya gotta be fair.

If you're ready for these things, you're relationship material.


My life is completely together for a 17 year old. But for ralationship material. I cannot drive, i dont have a liscense or permit. i dont have a job. Thats the only things that I dont have, but it doesnt mater because I'm in school getting good grades and about to go off to college after i graduate next year, then I'll have those things together :D


You're not bad looking, either, and that doesn't hurt.

But as an aspie, *especially*, you need to be careful to avoid the woman who is out to use. They do exist, I sit next to one of them at work. She wants to know the bottom line, only. If she got fired tomorrow, she could live off the child support from her 3 rich ex-husbands.

This is threadjacking I know, but I just wanted to throw in there that, sometimes we aspies will take whoever accepts us or seems to accept us, without questioning why they want you or what they want out of you. Figure out some way, some test or time frame, to make sure it's real.



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27 May 2009, 7:52 pm

solinoure wrote:
What do women mean, when they say so and so is not relationship material?

What makes a man be relationship material?

And contrariwise, what makes a woman relationship material?

Relationship material <- Doubting I haz it - but wanna knows fer sure...


relationship material is a man that will stick around for the hard times as well as the slap an tickle times. someone that will work on the relationship, be there for the relationship. Some guy that is so over hanging out with the guys. Someone that thinks a vacation with a young family is preferable over a tequila hazed tropical slut fest. A guy that is interested in going over the domestic books to make sure the life insurance is paid, the car payments are made, the there is enough money bugeted for books and pencils and kids shoes, dental checkups and take some family leave time off work when the kid is sick. Someone that will take their heart medicine and not smoke, will eat sensibly and take an interest in her family, too.


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patternist
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27 May 2009, 7:57 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
solinoure wrote:
What do women mean, when they say so and so is not relationship material?

What makes a man be relationship material?

And contrariwise, what makes a woman relationship material?

Relationship material <- Doubting I haz it - but wanna knows fer sure...


relationship material is a man that will stick around for the hard times as well as the slap an tickle times. someone that will work on the relationship, be there for the relationship. Some guy that is so over hanging out with the guys. Someone that thinks a vacation with a young family is preferable over a tequila hazed tropical slut fest. A guy that is interested in going over the domestic books to make sure the life insurance is paid, the car payments are made, the there is enough money bugeted for books and pencils and kids shoes, dental checkups and take some family leave time off work when the kid is sick. Someone that will take their heart medicine and not smoke, will eat sensibly and take an interest in her family, too.


Amen, sister.