Ok, now I'm really confused . . .

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So I finally met a girl a couple weeks ago that I seemed to hit it off with. She manages a deli I frequent and from chatting with her on numerous visits, we have a lot in common. She's new to the area and has only been here about 6 months. I finally asked her for her contact info with the intention of asking her out and she gave it to me along with her Myspace page saying that's how she does most of her communicating since most of her friends and family are across the country. Cool, I was happy to get that.

However, after checking her Myspace page, the first thing I notice is that she's engaged to some guy. Now, based on what she's told me and from blogs on her page, there's no way she could have known the guy more than 4 months (from now). At first, I was (and still am) disappointed but thought oh well. However, when I went back to the deli to get some food, she was there and started talking to me again. She goes out of her way to talk to me and interact with me more than anyone else I've seen there. And just today, she overheard me talking with the owner of the shop about a BBQ I'm having and she wanted to know why I didn't invite her. I'm thinking, WTF? Other stuff she's written on her page implies that her engagement may not be 100% serious or that maybe she's doubting it so I'm really confused. I don't know if I should just drop it or if I should ask her if she'd like to meet me at a park where I walk my dog or what. I've never been in this situation before.

i would ask her what the deal is

but then again... it could come off as bossy and posessive and not end well. i dunno. im socially dysfunctional

Join the club. Oh wait, you already have

today i got a kick out of returning a few glances w a woman.
i made a thread about it!

yup, im in the club allright

I think asking her about it is a good idea, but you might want to practice it with a woman... a sister or something?

Something along the lines of you'd really like to see more of her... no, wait
you'd like to see her more, but you saw that she's engaged??? You had the impression she was interested in you, but maybe you've misinterpreted her actions????

She may just be looking for friends, and not exclusive to women. You'll have to figure out if you can handle a mere friendship, then.

For all you know, she's a fellow Aspie and as socially clueless as you and had no idea what signals she was sending.

Maybe. If she's been engaged to someone she's known for 4 months, she may be inclined to have some sort of impulse-control issue or possibly just really needs male attention and security. Be forewarned. If this is the kind of person she is, it's totally natural that she's flirting with you, too, and deosn't see it as a contradiction.

What does impulse-control mean?

She could be covering her bases. Or she just feels comfortable around you sees you as a friend and wouldn't mind hanging out with you. I've had problems with taken women hitting on me myself, I am pretty much exclusively hit on by that demographic.

Bataar: Remember also that you need to prioritize your own feelings and her feelings... Not that other guy's feelings...

Not necessarily... if she doesn't have the integrity to be straight with him, she's not gonna have it for you.

How much of a soap opera life do you want to lead?

It's not for me... I always lose because I'm only in on half the dialogue. Best to keep things clear, above board and straightforwardly simple.

And then you won't always be looking over your shoulder for somebody wanting to punch your lights out for "stealing his girl"... yes, sad to say, such Neanderthals do exist.

Last edited by DonkeyBuster on 07 Jun 2009, 7:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

loose..?lose* sorry at least it's not loze.. sorry.

or prioritize?? gah prioritise*! !!

Some people post themselves on Myspace as "taken" so they don't get hassled for dates. The next time you have a conversation with her, mention that you saw on Myspace that she was engaged and that the guys was very lucky. That'll probably send her into a long discussion of details that you probably don't want to know, but you should be able to pick out her general intentions and situation.

What KnightGhost said,
unless she's specifically mentioned she's engaged...


But you could just ask her about it, like:
"I saw you're engaged on myspace, so.. have you started making preperations for the wedding etc./ when's the wedding? "
Or something.

That way you'll give her a chance to correct you ( as in: she's not engaged), or she'll be able to tell you she is, herself.


Fudo:
It can be either.
Prioritize and prioritise.
One being American spelling, the other UK.

"Fudo:It can be either. Prioritize and prioritise. One being American spelling, the other UK."
not in the Oxford English Dictionary methinks.. jk

fair point though, i apologise, i can't seem to help myself.

^Yeah, yeah...color, colour...potato, potahto.

Silly Brits. Hey, Fudo, how's the Blues music goin'?

Okay, well, it sounds like this girl likes you, but it's hard to know in what capacity. Just because she has a 'fiance' doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you. Asking her to hang out with you, to walk your dog in the park, sounds like a pretty benign, yet very useful outing. That sounds like a plan.

silly brits? we didnee change it aye?
Blues is good, thanks, although i'm fairly depressed or "blue" at the moment so it comes easily blessing & a curse