Letting people know about your Asperger's

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I'm not sure if my inability to persuade people to care that I most likely have AS is a good thing or a bad thing.

When I tell people I have Aspergers and try to explain it, they just say, "Ah..." and promptly change the subject. That response irritates me to no end. Its like they're saying to me, "I couldn't possibly care less why you are the way you are, I still expect you to be normal. Now lets talk about me." That has made me very bitter and untrusting of normal people.

I wouldn't take it so personally, tokaia. The people you tell can't understand why you think differently to them. How could they? You're the first person to tell them that you are different, but you're still human, so they don't understand how you can be different.

It's an uncomfortable topic. Discussing a disability (which most NTs regard austism as) is gererally considered distasteful. Talking to a woman about her lost breast and asking for details is something that just doesn't happen. Talking about the details of autism is similar for NTs.

I try to connect people to the experience by not saying that I think uniquely. I just say that I am more logical than most, and excel with it, I have trouble understanding social cues, etc. Everyone differs from the norm, and I just try to point out that I differ from the norm just a little more than everyone else does. It seems to work...

Sometimes I want to tell my classmates hoping that they will try to include me in conversations and other stuff, but then I think I will just make my image worse by "asking for special treatment." I'm sure many of them have figured it out already, but I don't understand why they still ignore me most of the time.

Yeah, I get that feeling sometimes. I usually tell someone that I have AS if I have become really comfortable talking to them.

Well, I wrote a long explanation (kind of a letter of some sorts) to one of my friends explaining everything. It was something I've been contemplating on doing for quite some time and I've really grown to trust her. (We've been close friends for 6 years now.) So, hopefully that goes at least decently, but I did ask her not to say anything to anyone.

But she is one of the very few people I would be comfortable telling, whether directly or if asked by them.

That's how I told my family about both AS and my sexual orientation.


I guess that would depend on what you expect them to do about it. If you want them to treat you differently then it's a problem. If you want them to treat you normally then you're getting just what you wanted. If you're looking for confirmation then the doctor's opinion is worth more than all your friends put together.


Particularly those NTs who think they already know everything they need to know about it because they know another Aspie and have formed a stereotype based on that person.


Heh. That's how most gay people who are in the closet deal with their "secret". At some point, however, it becomes difficult to remember who has asked and who hasn't. It's easier just to assume *everyone knows* and live your life in whatever way makes you comfortable. If people can't figure it out on their own they'll ask. Whether or not I trust them doesn't change the facts, and trying to lie about it only makes life more complicated and stressful. The thing I learned about sexuality is that when you tell people they will deal with the information the same way you do - if you are ashamed and secretive then they will treat you like someone who should be ashamed. If you mention it casually then for them it's no big deal unless they're bigots. If you celebrate your difference then they'll be happy for you (up to a point). When people tell me "you're strange" I answer "funny - that's exactly what my shrink said" and we all laugh about it. I can then talk freely about ADD or AS and they don't get so uncomfortable about it.

Probably part of the difficulty is that a). many people have never heard of it and b). some of those who have are either sceptical about there being such a thing or they have a very stereotyped view of it.

I also doubt the viability of letting comparative strangers know about it, even if you work in the same place as them.

I am honestly quite surprised how well known Asperger's is. Quite a few people I know are aware of it, usually via word of mouth. They have only a simple understanding, but I think more people know about it than we might think.

I'm not against telling somebody about your autism, providing it is someone that is very trustworthy and understanding.

But if you tell anyone about your autism, don't expect them to be very understanding about it (especially the ones that perceive you to be some sort of freak/weirdo); we live in a very harsh, cruel world, so you might encounter people who will view your condition as some sort of weakness to exploit.

This goes out to the ones who haven't develop the necessary coping mechanisms to survive in the real world yet.

I understand you, which is why I have only told one person (besides for the school administration people, who already all know-how annoying!) My friend (the one I told) knows I'm a little off of normal, but she's understanding and I've told her a lot of stuff I wouldn't be comfortable telling anyone else.

I still think you have to be careful who you tell...and to make sure people know you don't want others to know.

for fun I walk up to random people and tell them I'm an ASS-BURGER

lmao... do you say that while looking like your avatar beceause that would even freak me out!

Ye Gods, I fell off my chair laughing!

Well, I like to wait until I can really really trust the person I'm going to tell, and to assume whether or not they'll treat me differently if I do tell them. It's not that I'm ashamed I have AS, it's just I'm not very open to being, well, open

Which is why I like to think of this site as free, silent (save for the clacking of the keyboard) therapy.

I only told the people I did because I didn't know what to do to explain to them how I felt and I thought they might be a little more understanding if they knew and vaguely understood what it was about. I don't think it worked though, half of them have no idea what it is and tend to just treat me as they did before which is a good thing I guess. Then again I only told those closest to me and they probably would have stuck with me if I told them I had a contagious disease (just a random example) so yeah.

What I do to explain it, is make sure Im pretty good friends with the person I tell it to, then I go somewhere quiet and explain it. Now, here's the thing, before you tell them, act smart or yourself. If you seem remotely normal and explain it as AS and not "just" autism, its better. (As said, the RainMan misconception is common) if you appear "smart" or "normal" (if possible) its better. Unfortunately, the way I explain it makes it sound like there isnt anything wrong with me at all.