Help! Mother died.

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Thanks wsmac, you seem to understand me. I think those are good too.

I feel a lot better now. I came up with a plan. I sent another message to the person at work, clarified that it was my mother who died, and asked whether she has told anyone else. Meanwhile, I plan to work at home for the next day or two.

I just don't like the attention this brings, and maybe if I work at home, people will figure out that leaving me alone is what I want, and I'll get some work done.

I wish I were a celebrity with a press agent who could just deal with everyone.

I think I've messed this up pretty badly. The person at work hasn't told anyone. I'm at home skipping out on a meeting (it's okay, they canceled it anyway due to lack of interest). Am I supposed to tell everyone I work with and everyone I know? Every time someone at work has a relative die, I hear about it second hand. How do they manage that? I have no idea.

At this point, my options seem to be:

1. Lie and tell people my mother is fine. (That could be interesting)
2. Send out an email to everyone and announce it. (Even people I don't know well)
3. Pick a few people to tell. (How do I know which ones?)
4. Tell one person and ask them to tell certain people/everyone. (Same problem with 2 and 3, but less pressure for me. Also somewhat out of my control.)
5. Go back to work and wait until the subject comes up. If someone asks how I am, lie and say fine. Only tell them if they specifically ask about my mother.
6. Go back to work and wait for people to approach me. Then blurt it out, or work it into the conversation. (This one makes me most nervous)
7. Quit my job so I never have to deal with it.

Don't tell me there is no right or wrong way, since some of those must be wrong. I'm really upset right now, and I'm leaning toward #4. I'm not in any shape to follow through with it right now. Whatever I do, it will be a belated notification. The longer I put it off, the more so.

I'm really embarrassed by this and the previous incident. I feel totally worthless.

Well... YOU'RE NOT! so THERE!

Which option feels most 'right' to you?
Which option would you prefer if you could put away any concern for what anyone else does, thinks, says?

Believe that this will all be short-lived no matter how it goes.
Eventually life will bring about other things for the people at work to think and comment about... whether those things relate to you or not.

Would it bother you if no one said much of anything about your mother's death?
Would you like to be able to share your thoughts about it with someone else... someone who would just listen to you and not say a thing?

sorry for your loss

Try to relax. Your mother died and worrying about how to inform people at your work is only giving you additional stress. I think you are in a very small "circle of thought" right now if you understand what I mean.

When my mother died I didn't tell any of the teacher at the university. I just was of the opinion is was a private thing and not their business. I could have decided otherwise then, it would't have made any difference though. People are very flexible when it comes to these things.

The main thing is not to worry or fix too much on the "who should know" part and the "how should I react". I would sent an email to all the colleagues you weekly see on the work floor. Also sent this email to your boss/manager.

Hope this helps.

That would be fine. If people don't know, they might say something insensitive. If they do know, they might say something too sensitive.

I called a coworker and explained the issue to him. He offered to tell a few people for me. I finally went back after a few days, and actually haven't talked to anyone else yet. I think the worst is over and thngs will fall into place now.

I am glad for you.. hope things continue to go well at work.

If you don't mind me asking... how are you currently doing yourself?
Hope you're fairing well enough.