A new bunch of people... then what?

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K, there's this guy I like. But he's kinda really popular and outgoing.... he's also friendly, but like me, seems unwilling to start conversations. Unfortunately, that is the one thing I can't do, is initiate interaction. If someone else starts it, I'm fine. I'm not really shy at all, I just don't know what to say. So this guy doesn't really help the situation much...

Nonetheless he invited me to go to Ringwood to meet up with some of his friends. Of course I agreed, because I really really like him. We get to Ringwood, and his friends are hanging out at the train station. He runs off to say hi to them. I mosey over. Nobody so much as looks at me. Great start this is! So I just hang around the back...

A couple of hours later someone finally notices me - this really friendly dude. Turns out he's just a man-slut.... but oh well I can handle that at least I've got SOMEONE to talk to now! And at least one link with the group besides the guy I like. But not much progress being made with the others.

In the train on the way home, me and the guy I like and a chic friend of his (been friends since primary school I think)... And still sorta being mostly ignored. Because I think that just as much as I really don't know what to say to start a conversation with someone I don't know so well, the guy I like can't figure me out. I think he tries - he doesn't ignore me completely - but he's looking for something to go off, a clue about what I'm really like, so he can act appropriately. He said I was too quiet, gave an amusing demonstration of what I ought to be like (more like him lol) and said he liked that... And I think he was giving me a hint, and a second chance... if I can stop being so quiet, maybe there's a chance...

So what do I do? I'm faced with a group of people I don't know, and the one guy I do know ignores me most of the time. What do I say? I know this guy is making at least some effort, because he does not ignore me all the time, he does try to catch my attention, and often gives me hugs... but he needs something more from me, and I don't know how I'm about ready to give up, because I feel like it's something I can't change, but I really want to change...

it's an old fallacy (hopefully outdated), but decades ago, they tried to have women become 'good listeners'. It's part of the equation. Get him to talk. Ask leading questions, look for areas you have something in common. Short phrases at first, then open up slightly. Watch his reactions, be ready to backpeddle if necessary, but smiling works wonders.

Good luck.

well I was a little like u... but... I gave up searching until now...


I've been in love with this one girl but... she won't even go on a date with me... even though I know she likes me more that she is letting on...

she's more social than me... she goes out to parties and stuff... she's like 15 nearly 16 but... I really love her... yet I don't fully know why... I'm like 22 btw... but... I don't like being thought of as a disgusting pervert because I'm not...

she say's the reason why she'll neva go out wiv me is because I don't go out as much as she does...


I now... have someone which is great, but... it is not her...


and although I do love my girlfriend... I will always carry these feeling for that other girl...
and I don't care how far away we live from each other because it is irrelevant and also we'll meet eventually in this lfe or the next...




and... just one question... the guy ur after... does he ignore u? because u r not very clear wiv wot u say...
and also... DON'T GIVE UP!! ! that's the worst u could do...

yeh i guess that's kinda of confusing, sorry!! !

k: he ignores me a lot of the time. Like, just walk past and not even see me. Other times though he'll be waving frantically to try and get my attention... and I've noticed times when he'll do something (he's very *animated*) and then he'll glance across to see if I'm watching lol

but it is confusing. i was walking down the street the other day and he was going the opposite way, and on the other side, and he called out to me... I think he really just isn't sure what to make of me... it makes it hard for me. but i'm starting to realise that it really is up to me to do something. i just don't know what to say, especially with his friends! i don't WANT to be so quiet, i hate it sooo much, but I can't start conversation! GAH!! ! *frustration*

If he was really a friend or into you, he would notice you every time he saw you. After being through this situation enough times, I would like you to understand when I say don't bother with him. If he's acting really animated and looks to see if you're watching, then he's trying to impress you. He could be deep in thought those times when he doesn't see you. It could be that I'm in the U.S. and body languages are different elsewhere.

If he likes you, he wouldn't tell you that you need to be more outgoing (you said he did an impression of himself). If he cared about you, even if just as a friend, he wouldn't have ignored you in front of his other friends. He wouldn't have left you to mosey up, but would have waited. He wouldn't have ignored you on the train, regardless of how quiet you are.

It is entirely within the realm of possibility to include someone in a conversation even if they don't talk much. I had a friend who probably never put two words together at school, but people still included her in conversations. She would smile or laugh silently or whatever. (one-on-one outside of school it was a completely different story, if she trusted you. There were times outside of school that I could never get two words together).

Personally, I had to learn to be outgoing... in middle school we had an outing to a "ropes course" like the one here because on one of the projects, communication was crucial. I think thats really when I started trying to communicate effectively with people. Of course, not everyone has that luxury.


Get magazines. From what I read, you're not in the U.S. (you mentioned primary school) so I don't know what magazines would be available to you. I read glamour, seventeen and cosmopolitan here, because they usually have good articles about reading body language (and yes, a secret hobby of mine is reading about current fashions ).

I know you like him, but if it were me and now, I wouldn't waste my time. I can't tell you why he said hi to you when you were walking down the street, but he's wronged you so many other times in situations like that. Again, if he cared he would show it more.

Other than that, just step outside your happy box and try explaining to him that you're naturally a quiet person, but you do like being friends with him, although you wish he wouldn't do (insert whatever here) because it makes you feel..(insert what it makes you feel like here).

hmmm... *ruminates for a while*... it is entirely within the realms of possibility that my own perceptions have been distorted somewhat due to emotion lol ... more than possible... but i wonder if it's just his own quirk. i think he's used to people responding in a particular way to him, and if he encounters something totally different (like me) he gets easily put off. and i have to admit that when someone is just sorta sitting there with little or no expression on their face, or are staring into space, it can be hard to talk to them... which is what i think he meant - like, he's willing to give it a shot, but needs something to go on.

i was ready to give up in despair... but then I thought, well here's an opportunity to try to improve my social skills. if i fail miserably, oh well... but maybe I won't. So I may as well try... it's just going to be very hard, methinks.