I’m backward. Not slow. I'm coming from the other side.

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Continuing from the thread, "Does anyone have social anxiety disorder?"
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt71671.html

I do it that way as well. In the same order.

I do it that way as well, although I'm not sure how backward that really is.

I dont pay it much mind. Later I remember that I am supposed to give them a reason to like me.

I'm not sure what I think, it's either naive friendliness or suppressed terror.

This might be what Temple Grandin (author) is talking about when she says she "thinks like an animal." I'm sure that most people read that and think she means "more primitive." To me, that was a total turn-off. At first, all I saw was a simple Uncle Tom, groveling and tap-dancing for the amusement of the audience. But now I don't think that's what she meant at all.

For me, it's like a diver meeting a cuttlefish. (Probably the most intelligent non-mammal on the planet.) There is a definite curiosity when they look at each other. Two intelligent species meet and ask, "what are you?"
If I could be an anthropologist at 1000 leagues under the sea, I can almost imagine getting past the "what are you" questions and eventually moving on to the "do you like me" questions. We might not hang out and play video games, but maybe they have a social equivalent. Too bad I can't change colors.

I told the story of a co-worker, Janet, in "The 'Science' of Body Language."
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt74750.html

The boss in that situation was fascinating. He had a military background and superficial attitude (usually an instant turn-off) but there was more to him underneath it all. An intelligence and a compassion. He was practical. He ran a tight ship, but somehow it was liberating rather than oppressive. I kept asking myself, "why is this working?" I was in full, "what are you" mode the whole time I was there. I liked him, even though I never really finished the "what are you" phase.

Nova: cuttlefish
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/camo/

NewScientist: Do you speak cuttlefish?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnhc1KALHxE

On second thought... (comment a month later)

I forgot about Maslow in this.
I don't know how to insert a picture, so here's a link.

Maslow's hieracgy of needs (colorful pyramid):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s ... y_of_needs

For me, the hierachy is scrambled, with bits of each section shooting out like spikes into or above or below other sections.

For example, my teenage son and I got caught in a riptide a couple of years ago. I know how to get out of it for myself, but I couldn't get him to understand and do what I said.
While deeply concerned about my next breath and physically exhausted, I was also philosophically marveling about the mommy instinct that wouldn't allow me to leave him behind. At the same time, I was examing the cool analogy to unrelated issues that would become significantly cooler on the off-chance that we survived. All that, combined with the deep, internal shame of having to call the lifeguard -- me, of all people, needing to be rescued from my best friend, the ocean.

Tell this to a shrink, and he'll probably say that I was seriously confused. But it makes perfect sense to me and seems natural.

Back on that Maslow pyramid, I think these goals might make sense to most people, but the methods are perhaps a more important question.

For example, at the "safety" level, I want to be able to trust, while most people want to be able to control, via physical strength, authority, social/psycho power, whatever. It's not a struggle over any particular thing at the moment, but a need to feel safe in general by establishing the bullying relationship.

(Please excuse me while I go into my arrogant, morally superior mode. I'll come out of it eventually. Or at least, I always have in the past.)

As for how to get out of a riptide, it's mainly about trust. I couldn't count the times I've been there alone, and I have enough experience to know how it works. I just stay up at the surface of the water, keep my body as horizontal as possible, float as much as possible to conserve energy, paddle a little to take advantage of each passing wave, and mostly let the waves bring me home, an inch at a time. Similar to body surfing, but in slow motion.
You can't hope to control an ocean, but you can learn to trust that the rules make sense and don't change with every passing whim of some tyrant.

Oops. Sorry about that. I fixed the typo in the post above.
I said "vertical" when I meant to say "horizontal."
It would make a difference if you're ever in a spot like that.