Dominating a conversation

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Today, I found out something about myself from another person that answers a question I've had for years. Why people that used to talk to me avoid me. The answer is because when I do talk to someone, I make whatever the topic is about myself without even thinking about the other person. I won't go into any details but I had a conversation with an old friend and I upset them. They told me that I always do this without even asking about the other person. It all makes sense now. I understand why people hate me and honestly I really can't blame them. I must come off as egotistical jerk that only talks about himself. I think I hate me now too. But I'm going to try to stop this.

Anyway, can anyone else relate?

Sure sure my man. Welcoem to the club. But now that you are aware that is step one

Next step work on not talking about yourself and not regretting knowing sooner.

Some suggestions include asking questions about the other person, sometimes even if you do not care ... ask about their family, or their dogs, or even thier lives in general.

Also read up on current affairs. These are nutral topic to talk about.

Also pay attention to the words you use ... do you use I a lot? In stead try and drop the I . It might sound weird at first but soon it will become second nature ...

An example is "I used to play sports but now I just play computer games" ... "Sports are fun, lately computer games consume most of my time" "What about you?" "do you play any sports?"

Hope this helps,

-Zane

YES........... I don't even like talk about me, I d0 it anyways
I do ask people questions whether I truly care 0r not.

I try the last part of the suggestion.

yes lol....i try not but i always fail....i try asking question and such but they too never seem to cooperate...i tend to give an overload of information, even things i never wish to to tell...or elaborate on explanation or give explanations to things that apparently don't need explaining....but i'm there waiting for the same exact thing from the other person(explanations, etc)...but they never comply...so i end up being the only one asking questions and they have sh***y answers...rarely do they ever say something worth listening to and if they do its short..and they themselves don't ask...its so annoying....every time i'm speaking with someone i get upset....even if i don't show it...i feel like i put in a lot effort even when i don't want to, then they always fail to deliver...i don't want to always have to do all the asking, i want them to want to share -.-
i always end up talking way more than they do....its very frustrating...

after decades of practice, I try... I try to find the 'rhythm' of a conversation. Short, declarative sentences, and yes, other people will change the subject. it's nothing personal, just the way these things work. If they have their mouth open, they may be trying to speak. If they repeat a sentence fragment, they're trying to butt in. If you wait too long, they'll try to fill the silence.

I'm sure there's a logical way to do this, just let me know when you find it, I'd like to know myself.

Thanks for the responses. It's good to now that others relate to this. It's probably very common with aspies.

I do the same thing. I am aware of it, but it is still hard to control. I forget that conversations are supposed to be an interactive thing, where people exchange knowledge or info. I subconsciously assume that the other person is asking about me, when it is usually not the case. They want to be questioned back. I recognize this, and am getting better at it. Who knows, maybe someday I might be able to converse normally.

i can relate. i think i did this a lot until my sister told me about it 7 or 8 years ago. i still have a tendency to do it but i make an effort to try to make the conversation about the other person. i haven't perfected it, i still tend to either make it too much about the other person or make it about myself, but i'm doing a lot better than before.

YES YES YES.

It is probably my biggest flaw, and one of my most prevalent aspie traits. My mum often gets really angry at me for doing it. I find what really helps is that if you notice yourself butting in with what you have to say, and cutting across the other person, just stop talking, turn to the person you cut across, and say apologetically;

"I'm sorry, I interrupted you. What were you saying?"

And let them speak.

I do this all the time now, because I find that even if it's hard to stop yourself cutting across people and talking about yourself in the first place, stopping, apologizing, and backtracking before you get into your stride is the next best thing. People are a lot more forgiving if you are able to correct your mistakes.

You'll probably never loose the desire to talk about yourself (its normal aspie talk exhange - you went to a football game yesterday.-I went to a football game last year)

However what you can do is train yourself to ask a question after your statement: "I went to a football game last year. What did you find the most exciting about your game"

You still get your conversation in while making allowances for theirs

So right! Just be thankful you've noticed it now in your 20s, this whole thing only dawned on me a year or so ago, and I'm well into my 30s. When I think of all those years...

The way I drove the point home to myself was rather over-the-top but very effective. I put my mp3 player's voice recorder in my pocket and recorded myself talking to someone. When I listened back to the recording, I was cringing like mad. I just sounded like some nerdy, self-obsessed teenager, and like the old joke says, my I's were too close together. I'm now on my guard whenever I hear myself saying "Did you know that..." or "I remember once...", knowing that a dull monologue is about to start!

You say that you think people hate you because of your behaviour. I wouldn't go that far. I think it's more a sort of vague disgust, they are thinking "this person's a bit odd, I don't really know what to do" and they just back away slowly. If you can master the whole art of conversation, you will win your friends back, it has happened to me.

I've noticed that I talk a lot about myself because I lack the NT ability to cause the other person to open up and talk too. So it's either I/we talk about me, or silence. I see these same people become much more talkative when they're talking with another person.

I always dominate conversations and when I dont I do what Bette Midler did in a film and say "so enough from me, what do you think about me" lol

Ive known I do this since I was a child and have tried hard to change, it doesnt make people like me better when I dont do it, it just makes conversation pointless and boring for me.

I figure that Oscar Wilde did ok by monologueing so who cares, we all have to be different and play to our strengths.

Politics is good (political party meetings) as they like you to monologue there