Page 2 of 3 [ 39 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

14 Jan 2009, 3:24 pm

From my personal experience, lonely people are not always fine souls waiting to be discovered. Many of them are alone because they're not kind people. So beware. Not everyone is alone due to an inability to play the NT social games.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


LiendaBalla
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Oct 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,736

15 Jan 2009, 9:30 am

Sea_of_Saiyan wrote:
I certainly do, knowing from experience what it is like to be in that situation. It seems at times that I need to stalk these people in a way, by watching them and wondering how depressed they are. I wish I knew how to talk to such distant people, but I can barely talk to the people I know well at times.


That's your experience, not ours. and I agree with the replys here.



Brittany2907
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,718
Location: New Zealand

16 Jan 2009, 7:57 am

With being an outcast practically my whole life, I do feel sorry for them because I know what it's like not having anyone to talk to, or how to approach anyone in the first place. I suppose I've devloped a liking for the underdog of any situation and in a group of people, a loner is definitely that. I never befriended any loners though for the same reason - I didn't know what to say to them.


_________________
I = Vegan!
Animals = Friends.


Brittany2907
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's
The ultimate storm is eternally on it's

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,718
Location: New Zealand

16 Jan 2009, 8:04 am

Greentea wrote:
From my personal experience, lonely people are not always fine souls waiting to be discovered. Many of them are alone because they're not kind people. So beware. Not everyone is alone due to an inability to play the NT social games.


Besides from what I wrote in this thread, I agree with this too.
Some people get so obsessed with always being right, always having what they want etc that they chase away the people who like them. Then when they're alone they become bitter pessimists or angry rebels because 'the world rejected them' when really, they put themselves in that situation.


_________________
I = Vegan!
Animals = Friends.


PrisonerSix
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 689
Location: The Village

16 Jan 2009, 1:27 pm

Not sure if I do or not. Some people, like myself, have spent a great deal of time as loners and did actually learn to enjoy it in some ways. There were times I wanted to have friends and be treated like everyone else, but others, I just wanted to be alone.

My late father once blamed my loner behavior and low self esteem in adulthood on the fact that I went to this christian high school for 4 years where all they did was put me down and marginalize me because I wasn't part of their little world. I don't think they causd it, but that school, and several others I went to, reinforced my desire to isolate from the world. I always dreamed of a place where I could go and be free and people would accept me, but that has always been for the most part just that, a dream.

Things are better for me, since I'm now married, and a have a few friends and activities I engage in with other people. I also work with people who accept me as I am, which is good.

Not sure if I feel sorry for all loners.


_________________
PrisonerSix

"I am not a number, I am a free man!"


Yupa
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2005
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,520
Location: Florida

16 Jan 2009, 9:28 pm

I do feel bad for people who seem to be entirely alone, but at the same time I also can't help but admire the fact that it gives them a sense of independence and the fact that they are able to achieve things on their own.
One interesting thing I've noticed about a lot of loners is that after some time they do actually end up with a small clique of friends who take them in, though sometimes it will take a while before they are recognized and accepted.



protest_the_hero
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Nov 2008
Age: 186
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,011

19 Jan 2009, 10:13 am

buryuntime wrote:
I wish someone would feel sorry for me and attempt to befriend me. :?
I've been there. Since I've been soi depressed about my own social struggles, how could I not feel bad for people who have it as bad as possible?



musicislife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 766
Location: whatever town, usa

19 Jan 2009, 10:40 am

i'm naturally a loner so i don't feel sorry for people in my position, though sometimes all one of us wants is someone who understands our reasons for being who we are.


_________________
Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. -Mark Twain
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.


Jwa
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Nov 2008
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 113

19 Jan 2009, 6:06 pm

Greentea wrote:
From my personal experience, lonely people are not always fine souls waiting to be discovered. Many of them are alone because they're not kind people. So beware. Not everyone is alone due to an inability to play the NT social games.

You are very wise!

Personally, I can't help but at least try - and then if people are just not wanting to be connected you just leave them alone. You can tell pretty early on though.

The ones I struggle with who master a facade but in reality are loners by choice.



Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

20 Jan 2009, 1:01 am

I've learned to take someone's loneliness complaints with a pinch of salt. On WP too. It's happened to me that I reached out to others like me on WP who were sharing on threads about shattering loneliness and desire for connection, and they sounded very uninterested when I messaged them. Maybe shattering loneliness is better than connecting with ME, of course, but I found it puzzling that they brushed me off so much so soon. And I'm talking about people with a similar age and interests as mine.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


greenblue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2007
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,896
Location: Home

20 Jan 2009, 1:11 am

Abstract_Logic wrote:
I have empathy for only the ones who are loners as a consequence of their inability to interact socially. However, the ones who are loners by choice, who don't want friends, I don't have empathy for them.

The latter can be the result of the former, I should know.


_________________
?Everything is perfect in the universe - even your desire to improve it.?


MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,052
Location: MO

20 Jan 2009, 3:47 am

I don't know it depends.....

Are they a happy loner or a sad loner?

I happen to feel sorry of course to unhappy loners. I happen to be one and it's not easy no matter how hard you try. I've tried and tried to be as extraverted as my counterparts and the end result was much worse than before. Some people are just born introverts....even NTs. Too many people would make anyone go crazy but very hard for some of us who would like someone around to talk to or share with I can imagine.

I've known a few that seem content or seemingly so. As for people trying to empress eachother by being loners like emos...well I have no opinion. If they want to live that way then that's their choice.


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


Ihdreniel
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 2 Aug 2006
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 103
Location: The House of Crazy

20 Jan 2009, 11:02 am

Sea_of_Saiyan wrote:
It seems at times that I need to stalk these people in a way, by watching them and wondering how depressed they are. I wish I knew how to talk to such distant people, but I can barely talk to the people I know well at times.

I know exactly what you mean. I remember my middle school guidance counselor talking about how I really only seemed to actually try to befriend people who didn't have anyone else, and asking me if this was because I felt like they were my only "chance for friendship". I told her no, they were just the people that I was the most interested in. ;)


_________________
"eeeep!" says the insane chibling.
And then. . .

It attacks.

(P.S. Ze opéra ghost wants ?is paycheck.)


DeLoreanDude
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Oct 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,562
Location: FL

20 Jan 2009, 1:39 pm

It depends. If that person is depressed because of it then yes but if, like me, they like having time alone then no.



LolaGranola
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 10 Aug 2008
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 382
Location: 1994

22 Jan 2009, 7:55 pm

It depends.

Some people enjoy spending time by themselves. They may prefer indulging in a leasurely activity (like reading) to chatting with others. If someone is truly content with being solitary, than no.
But for those who don't wish to be lonely, and are often "stuck" by themselves, they have all my sympathy. It's painful watching the world around you go by.


_________________
"I've been really, really anti-social for the past few years, and I'm just starting to get over it, and come out of my shell, and be able to like people again" - D'Arcy Wretzky


AmberEyes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,438
Location: The Lands where the Jumblies live

23 Jan 2009, 12:53 pm

I don't pity them, no.
Empathise with their situations: yes.

I just view them as individuals with their own personalities and treat them as equals.

I help them if necessary.
If they are nice, I befriend them.

If they are alone because they upset and torment others, I stay well clear.
I also steer well clear if they try to use me or demand things from me.