any tips to help son make friends and not be bullied.

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Zeichner makes a lot of good points. Social skills training is helpful. For us older Aspies any social training we got was either from parents if we had really astute parents which I did not or from my own inquisitiveness in watching how others behave and and reading books on manners and "being a gentlemen" even though I'm a lady.

He also makes a good point about not allowing yourself to be used. I also did that as a kid being so brilliant yet so stupid I didn't realize it. Manipulative people will seek out Aspies because they are easy to use. This is also why many AS women have been raped or in abusive relationships.

They best way for him to have any friends at his age is to joing groups that attract other nerdy, awkward boys. Or maybe a church group because sometimes church kids are nicer and more accepting.

Get him to learn social skills and how friends are made. Bullies don't tend to target kids who have a bunch of friends to back them up. My friends are all a bunch of girls and p*****s though...It's probably not something a mom can help with much though.

[q It's probably not something a mom can help with much though.[/quote]. I know I can not help him with everything. But I promise I will try to learn what ever I can to try to help as much as possible! Or give him the information so he maybe can make better decisions.

I think you have an excellent attitude. Your son is lucky to have you!

But you do realize if you son has any form of autism he will never be normal. There is no cure no matter how much social skills training he has. His brain is not like NT brains. He can't be normal; organically he is different.

You as a mom can help him a lot by making exaggerated facial expressions and teaching him what each one means so he learns to recognize body language and teaching him what to say in various social interactions. And helping him to memorize and implement various phrases of courtesy. Also teaching him reasoning and problem solving as well as calming techniques that aren't offensive to others. Teach him proper hygiene because a lot of autistic boys have hygiene problems because they refuse to bath or wash their hair or change into clean clothes, etc. There's so much you really can teach him. And for the more difficult things you can enlist a psychologist to teach social training.

My medical dr whose son has AS told me she recommends watching animae. She says those characters use exagerated facial expressions and it helps Aspies to learn so she has her son watch it. I never have watched animae because its boring to me so I can't say if it really helps.

Here's another way to think of it - with AS, he could be exceptional! I think you mentioned lizards & art as special interests - those are things to encourage! His special interests & aspie attention to detail could very likely be the key to his success as an adult (as they were for many of us.)

Childhood is a temporary condition - help him get through it with good social skills. See if you can get him into some sort of activity program that will give him self confidence. Try to impart some wisdom about the things that "normal" people do that might be confusing to him. I think you'll find out that "normal" is beneath him.

I have a psychologist for him and he is in counseling too! But with the psychologist he has not mentioned social skills training yet! Where can I find out about this? I do not mean to sound stupid but I am still learning all this. My son is exceptional! He is so smart and does not act like a 7 year old at all! He knows all these big words and knows how to use them. I am so scared when he does become a teenager he will be much smarter than me! LOL I work with him as much as possible.

Be sure to check out the Books section of this website. If you haven't already done so, you might want to take a look at Tony Attwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. Also, I highly recommend The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships by Temple Grandin & Sean Barron.

When it comes to social skills training, nobody is going to do it but you (although you might be able to enlist the help of his teachers, so they can reinforce what you teach him at home.)

Having grown up in a time before Asperger's Syndrome (as a diagnosis), I just went through school being the "different one." I was the classic "Little Professor" - which I think confounded my teachers & made me a target for teasing & bullying. My parents were supportive of my special interests, which gave me a lot of self-confidence - but couldn't help with the teasing & bullying ("just stand up for yourself.") My teachers (except for one or two very caring & helpful ones) didn't see "different" as requiring any special consideration. No one tried (or wanted) to do anything about the bullying. I had to figure out on my own that eye contact was important when dealing with bullies (it's a dominance thing.)

***By the way, if your son doesn't make eye contact - it needs to be his decision to learn how - you can't/shouldn't make him.***

I also had friends - a few. They were usually as "different" as me.

I'm not a parent, so you might want to take this to the Parents' Discussion for better insight on dealing with school teachers & administration. Personally, I don't really think it would have been helpful for me to have been singled out for special treatment. What I really wanted was understanding - and for teachers to recognize the bullying, discipline the bullies & not indicate (even in subtle ways) that the target of the bully was somehow "weak."

I think that most schools these days have policies about bullying - they need to enforce the policy (which they probably don't know how to do.) Attwood's book gives some good ideas for how teachers can effectively deal with bullies.

At this point the bulling isn't so bad. It more or less being pushed over by other kids. If he has money or a toy he will give it to other kids if they ask just to fit in or make a friend. He has already noticed he is not the same as other kids his age! I do not want to make him a target for bullies but I just want him to get a good education like everyone else! He does not catch on to "normal" things other kids learn. He still does not know his ABC's yet or the sounds the letters make! Now he can tell you all about alligators or crocodiles or lizards or snakes! Oh I forgot about the rocks! He has collected rocks forever and now we have rocks all over our house! He knows about them! But school work does not have interest in it!

Jiu jitsu is not a good fit for a lot of Aspies due to many not wanting other people to be touching them. And having strangers grab at you is not a pleasant experience for many of us. At the school I studied at we were forced to learn Hapkido and Judo in addition to the Taekwondo and I hated the grappling aspect and being held down on the mat against my will. I also got a lot more injuries from Judo than Taekwondo.