please help me!

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hi all. id be appreciative of any suggestions on how to deal with this...


i work on a caravan site in the little shop and this lass came in today about 16 or so in her pyjamas. not hat i foudn that offensive.. i woukd have done the same thing if my parents wouldnet have stopped me lol

so she buys a packet of sweets and then shes standing next to the counter chatting to me. we greet and soon as the greet is over shes asking me for a hug.... ok....... so i thought well no harm in that and then seh comes behind the counter and i asked her to please stay out of the area behind the till but she instead came closer and put her body uo close to mine and asked me if she could do some shelf filling. i didnt see the harm in that.
my lil shop is one we use a pricing gun for everything.
so im showiung her how to use the pricing gun.. but then she breaks it anyway, and i take it pff of her to mend it then i decide to play with her cos that is how i am.... i hugged the pricing gun close to me with arms round it and sed if u want it come get it. so she did and cos im strong she could not budge it off me and she got really mad so i loosened my grip and she bashed me on the chin with it and then shouted at me for taking it off her
so i just let her have it and showed her again how to use it
she goes in the warehouse at the back for more things to put on the shelves and shes dragging me by the arm as she goes. and then hugs me again

so i asked her if shes a lesbian ( i am) and she said no. but i was confused becuase she was hugging me and that so i thought maybe she fancies me.


my boss comes in anyway and asks her to leave which she does. but then shes waiting for me when i finished work and asks me if she can come to my house. i said no but she was persistant and wouldent let me go without her going with me. in the end i had to have somebody from work escort me to my bike then through a staff only passage way so that i could escape.

i found that im quite uncomfortable round her because of her being so over friendly. she tried to hug my colleague twice my age but she brushed her off not like i did.
my colleauge told me later that she also felt a bit intimidated by her

im not used to such physical contact with a total stranger and i really wasnt sure how to react.
i dont know what to do becuase shes planning on coming in the shop again tomorrow.
im finding myself looking forward to sunday... the day she is going back home

but im not sure whether to like her or dislike her. i find her behaviour rather intimidating allthough i think she is just trying to be friends. im really stuck on what to do here

Hmm... did a random girl actually came up to your counter, and ask you for a hug? While I'd be taken aback by that, but since I'm a straight male, I wouldn't see any harm in giving her a hug. Although personally, I'd be careful that her accomplice doesn't shoplift anything while the girl is hugging me. So during the hug, I'd scan the store with my eyes for suspicious activity.

she wasnt interested in stealing from the till. she just wanted to hug me.

I guess she couldn't make up her mind about how to feel.

I hope things go well for you in the near future.

Hi drummer_girl! That's a challenge, certainly, but here are a few ideas that might help.

Though I like hugs, I'd be extremely leary of a total stranger wanting to hug me in an environment where it would be unusual. Sure, hugs are usually harmless, and it's sometimes really nice to feel that someone finds me attractive. Still, I'd probably feel it was a creepy situation.

Wrt the work environment, this one is much easier. No one should be permitted behind the counter or in the warehouse if they are not an employee of the business. They shouldn't be playing with the pricing gun or anything. You are responsible for protecting those things, and if someone gets in there, you're responsible to either get them out or call for assistance to get them out - a manager, security, or the police. Sure, maybe you let a friend behind the counter or in the warehouse with you, but the operative word is "friend", someone you know and trust; you are still responsible for your friend's actions. You can lose a job over something like that.

This is something NTs seem to know instinctively. We don't. It isn't in our list of scripts. You might want to add it to yours.

Hope this helps!

yeah thanks alot....

shes goin home tomoroow and today she came in.... i decided to completley ignore her.. i decided this last night. it ws a hard decision to make but she gives me the creeps.. and my NT colleagues. . she scares them even more... lol

it was ahrd to gnore her but i managed it. she kept asking me to let me take her to my house ad have tea.
i thought this was something that one is invited for rather than ask to do.
i just shook my head.. didnt verbally say no...
i let her buy her sweets. she hung around for 10 mins tryin to get a reaction from me then left. i was like HURRAH ! !! lol

The girl seems nuts.

She should get some help.. It's not you.

Oh- well done, drummer_girl! It's hard to reject someone & it's hard even for the NTs but she really crossed & transgressed the (social) boundary .
Asking a stranger for a hug and an invite to their house is impertinent and way too much in your face.
Hale, we Aspies are "nuts" in some way or other. Ask the NTs lol
But yes , this girl could be AS-autistic as she doesn't seem to read social clues and stick by the social code, But maybe there are other reasons for her behaviiour. Not sure I am.

You don't go around hugging randoms and behaving like that. Even aspies know that.

She actually seems rather psychotic, and should be in a hospital.

You did the right thing, Drummer, and I'd be surprised if you didn't help her in the process. She could have had psychiatric problems, for sure, but - I'm presuming that she's there with her parents? How many 16-year-old girls with psychiatric problems are left to walk around caravan parks in their pyjamas, hugging and harrassing strangers?

Her parents must have some idea of how screwed up her behaviour is - and some idea that sooner or later she's going to get herself sexually assaulted in the process. It may be just me that thinks that leaving someone who behaves like that to their own devices - most likely just to get a bit of peace and quiet - doesn't entirely fit my definition of "responsible".

Sorry if I come over as a bit right-wing and judgmental here, but I'd say you gave her a better-late-than-never lesson in the concept of "boundaries".