Ignoring PMs from people you contacted

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Merle

A bit of each, I believe. Though this is a behavior that I see equally in NTs and Aspies.

Thank you to everyone that, coming across this thread by chance and knowing I was talking about THEM, wrote me such warm and thoughtful PMs and apologized. You've redeemed yourselves and the Aspie race You all know who you are.

And a big thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread and to my feeling understood!!

A thread with a happy ending

P.S.: I'm spiteful, though, so I won't be replying to any of your PMs in a while (insert witch chuckle)

ive ignored a few, not on purpose though, this was back when i was stealing the internet like a thug and i only had an hour of battery life at a time

Well, I believe we now have an answer to that

Some people just can't keep a conversation going.

As all communication is questions you need to answer the persons question and then ask one as well.

I've got an email mate that we've been chatting for about 10 years every few days an email back and forth.

But I digress.. takes two too talk

Greentea, I have done this however I alway tell the person in advance I need time to reply and cannot be exchanging messages on a daily basis or even nessarily on a weekly basis, and just becuase I'm on here doesn't mean I am in the right frame of mind to reply. Often I find it extrodinary difficult to know what I am going to say. I am known to writing long detailed responses, and my thought are very disorganised, so I need time to get those in order.

The best way of getting a response from someone is asking them a question.

why?

Because it's not that difficult to answer a question. You do have something to say then when asked something.

Have you ever been to Spokane?

I just realised how true this is is, especially with emails! If asked a question, then I reply quicker, without really being aware of it. If no question, then it takes much longer to think of what to say to someone that may be of interest to them. You're left with talking about yourself, which can be uninteresting and self-centred. Or asking a question to the other and if they just answer it again, it puts you back in the same position. Wondering if perhaps you are boring this person to death???

Greentea, have you looked at what you're writing when sending messages? Just maybe, without realising it, you're bringing the flow of communication to an end? There's a lot of sense in what Spokane_Girl wrote! Also, this is so typical Aspie behaviour, we do it in verbal conversation so I'm sure we can do it writing, too. I'm going to double check my own messages from now on to check that I'm leaving a 'hook' for a reply as I've had the same problem too.

ManErg, before giving advice, read my posts in the thread. The issues of asking questions and of taking an interest were covered already in my first post. Not to mention that you know perfectly well that you ignored my PMs including my questions on them. You do have chutzpah. Anyway, thank you for your PM apologizing for consistently ignoring my replies to yours.

Last edited by Greentea on 22 Apr 2009, 8:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have wondered why people don't answer pms too, though only really in one case, where someone had previously seemed very friendly, ( to the point of suggesting we share a room at an event for instance, and pm'ing their e-mail address etc ), because it did seem so weird/pointed.

I tend to imagine either that the person must have sunk into a depression/overwhelm, or that they don't like me any more for some reason, because, ( although in the case of out-of-the-blue pms from someone, to which I don't reply because I don't know what to say, or because I don't like what they said ), when there has already been contact it seems so impolite and/or "pointed" not to reply, especially if it included a question.

Sometimes someone's pm's themselves overwhelm me, despite liking and respecting the person, and I find it so difficult to answer that I never do, but this happens rarely. And I rarely write pm's which might potentially seem overwhelming, ( or only to people who I know fairly well already anyway ).

So when someone, with whom I have already corresponded a couple of times, doesn't reply to a pm which clearly included a question too, I must admit it does seem odd/serious or simply impolite.

.

"Not having replied yet" and "deliberately ignoring" are different. If you're wondering why someone hasn't yet replied, you can always just PM them and ask. The same with life in general, phone calls not being returned etc. Rather than instantly assume that you have made a negative impression, when it could be any number of reasons. Messages get lost, people get busy, waiting till in a better frame of mind, worries about saying things the right way (looks like I got that wrong in the post above, for example)...

In the first 2 or 3 months of 2009, I must have had 30+ posts and PM's 'go astray' on WP. I'm not a heavy poster anyway, but I got seriously fed up with writing a message, then losing it when I hit the "Submit" button. And then writing another post to say that this has happened, only to have the same thing happen again!

Also, I'm not comfortable with discussing private messaging practices on a public forum. If *anybody* has a problem with my poor response to PM's, I suggest you PM me about it

"Yet" as in a few months, right.

This drives me NUTS!! I obsess about the unknown, why did they not answer me back, blah, blah, blah...... I hate it! But on the other hand, my imagination allows me to deny any rejection.

Last edited by sevysgrl on 22 Apr 2009, 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

For those as popular as me, it can easily take months to attend to the backlog of admirers, well-wishers and hangers-on

sevysgrl:
Don't get driven nuts, just send a PM! And if they ignore you again...then it's time to get the voodoo dolls out