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Guys don't want to be friends once they find out I have a BF

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ignisfatuus
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30 May 2009, 10:16 pm

Hmm, well, I think it is hardest when you have been the friend of a woman for awhile, and then she goes out with someone else. Irrational, unwarranted, or what have you, that is sometimes the feeling. No one wants to be Duckie ;) If you enter the friendship with a romantic interest already, and they are made known to the new friend, it would probably go much better, as there would then be no expectations in that regard.


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lettiehx
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07 Jun 2009, 10:37 am

I know only too well of this dilemma of male pals suddenly losing interest if u mention u have aboyfriend. On msn I get males who only want my friendship or nothing. It annoys me when u get the obvious types who are rogues love 'em and leave 'em type. Is it the threat of the male in your life?? Or pretection from getting hurt? er hidden agendas mainly.... Why don't men get to know a lass before making a move or having feelings. Oh yes competitive streaks in certain men do become rather obvious 2 even me!!



Gliesen_Antrho
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09 Jun 2009, 9:28 am

I know girls use I have a boyfriend to mean I don't want to talk to you. Plus a lot of guys may be worried that your bf is going to start hassling them if they try to be friends.
Perhaps you could try mentioning after the bf comes up, that you can have guy friends ok though(I'd mention one by name) heck just say I like talking to you, but I have a boyfriend so keep it friendly ok? at some point. Those that don't stay are not intrested in friendship :)



Chyndonax
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09 Jun 2009, 5:19 pm

lettiehx wrote:
I know only too well of this dilemma of male pals suddenly losing interest if u mention u have aboyfriend. On msn I get males who only want my friendship or nothing. It annoys me when u get the obvious types who are rogues love 'em and leave 'em type. Is it the threat of the male in your life?? Or pretection from getting hurt? er hidden agendas mainly.... Why don't men get to know a lass before making a move or having feelings. Oh yes competitive streaks in certain men do become rather obvious 2 even me!!


We evolved that way. Getting the most sex with the least amount of time and energy spent greatly increases our odds of reproducing. Repeat over the entirety of our evolution and you have men who quickly move a relationship into sex mode.


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drowbot0181
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10 Jun 2009, 8:59 am

RoisinDubh wrote:
And I'm not just talking about new guy friends, either....some of these people I've known for years. I don't freakin get it. When I started seeing my current BF, a few of my friends (males) very obviously changed their tone with me, either being a lot LESS friendly when out with groups, or avoiding being around me all together. And when it comes to meeting new males....well, a lot of them are really REALLY friendly, till they find out I have a boyfriend, then....the cold shoulder.

I am NOT looking to cheat on my boyfriend, even IF we haven't been having the smoothest relationship. Cheating disgusts me. But the reality is, I don't have an easy time making friends, mostly cos these days, I'm really bored by most of the people interested in getting to know me. I also overall prefer the company of men (pretty much the only women I've found myself becoming friends with have been Aspies), because our interests are usually more similar, and there's not as much gossip and backtalk going on in a group of mostly men.

This all was set off, by the way, by a really NICE, FUNNY, and SMART person I met recently, who stopped talking to me entirely after making one sarcastic comment about my boyfriend in a conversation that *I* thought was totally innocuous. It was after the fact that I realised why he probably did that. :(


I can relate to your problem in some ways. I have a hard time relating to other males and my best friendships have always been with girls. I currently don't have any friends and I'm kind of stuck that way. I am in a relationship and I am, like you, very opposed to cheating and the very idea of it (especially since I've been cheated on... a lot).

I guess all I can say is that I understand and don't get discouraged. Not all men are douches. :)



0_equals_true
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10 Jun 2009, 9:42 am

All I know is if I was dating someone I'm not going to stop seeing my female friend. if that is a problem I would not want to date them.



zen_mistress
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12 Jun 2009, 5:29 am

You could try gay male friends. They are awesome and no worry about sexual tension, no complications, also helps the boyfriend feel more secure....