Platonic friendships.

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I definitely sympathize with you. I had a similar situation, where I was in love with a guy friend. He was always very cold to me, which hurt my feelings. At the end, I realized that I am wasting my time, that there's nothing I can do to change him, and that I deserve a guy who loves me and gives me the affection and support I need. I suggest cutting all personal contact with this guy for a while, for something like several months. Just tell him that you love him very much and it's killing you to see his coldness and indifference, so you don't want to see him again. Don't specify the amount of time. Don't answer his emails, calls, etc. Avoid seeing him. Then after 3 months, "accidentally" bump into him on the street. If he doesn't run to you with love and affection, then he is a lost cause. Sometimes guys take things for granted and don't appreciate you, but once they realize that you won't be taken for granted, they change. If he doesn't, then don't waste your time on him. Try to get over him. Once you do, you can restart your "friendship" with him if you want to. I don't think that being an AS justifies his behavior, but maybe other people on this forum will think otherwise. Good luck...

One of my best friends at college was the opposite gender. We went to the pub together (nobody else was allowed to tag along) every monday and studied photography together, and generally had great fun, but there was never anything more than friendship - not even a jokey flirt every now and then. Our respective partners STILL managed to suspect something was up, but what can you do...
Had another friend like that here at Uni, but it ended up turning into something more. We broke up, it hurt me like hell, but now (a few weeks on) we've picked things up and are back the way we were before.
But anyway, yeah, I think it's easily possible to have a platonic friendship with someone of the opposite gender.

I chose to respond to this for often than not does such be the case for me. still, I keep trying most sincerely with the intent of having better friendships and relationship yet, I'm often perplexed with how things often wind up..



Respectively speaking, there is good things still out there.

I have actually had a couple of female friends where I really did have interest in more. In some cases I actually slept in the same room as they did. Because I knew and respected their feelings there have never been problems with that. My feelings were my own and I had no desire of making a friendship by trying anything stupid. The only times some troubles came up was when other people got involved. For some reason they didn't believe you can be a good normal friend and not misbehave and had to manipulate the girl. In the end I got into a fight with the other people, but after my friend saw what happened she was still my friend (we lost contact years ago, but in a 'natural' way and not by being manipulated.

The only thing you really need to do to have these friends is be honest. Let them know what you do and don't want. If they are not prepared to stick with that they weren't friends anyway.

@ASanNT:

First *hugs*. Been there, and it TOTALLY sucks. Sad truth is, he probably won't ever see it. Everyone around you will, but, he just can't click. He's probably waiting for that perfect girl. Or thinks his attraction should be something more.

Worst part of it is, is that feeling of love does get sharding strong. There's really only one way to get over it: Stop seeing him for a couple months. Work on yourself. When you're ready to move on, start looking elsewhere. Then you guys can maybe go out for coffee on occasion - but maybe in a group. Avoid time alone with him, and avoid any contact.

Expect a long recovery, but hopefully someone out there will click eventually once you start looking.

I think have one (female) pure platonic friend and was very happy with that .
But then realized that's not true at all...

Some male friends are approach for male-female/romance type relationship, not purely friends at all

Most of my friends are the opposite sex anyway. They're all platonic, except for one which is half platonic, in other words we fancy eachother like crazy but haven't done anything about it.

My best friend (well one of them) is a girl, I'm keeping it platonic.

I too often have friendships with girls, and the people where I live think it is absolutely impossible for a boy and girl to spend time with each other without wanting to have sex with each other. For one thing I'm gay, so I only like other guys. I tend to talk to a lot of females because I find them easier to relate to. Plus women are more open about emotion then guys are, and it's OK to tell them about your views on life. However the problem I have with female friends is that because I get so personal with them they tend to take it as me coming on to them, which usually ruins our friendship. My friendships with males tend to last longer.

Keep in mind that this is from the '30 year old virgin dateless male' side:

Well, not quite 30 yet, but you get the point.

I've had male and female friends. None of the women were interested in me (with one exception, but I really didn't like her).

If I'm really attracted to someone (on an emotional level), it's tough, but most of the time it's normal.


While I can't get it out of my mind hoping that sometime someday someone will like me, I know that it's very unlikely, so I try to ignore it as much as possible, unless I think she's probably attracted to me, in which case I might ask her out if I'm not outright disinterested.

I used to have a platonic friendship with a guy, at least I thought it was that. We quite often used to watch horror movies at either his or my house and he would take me for rides on his motorbike. I would take my camera with me and we would stop somewhere, get something to eat and I would take some photos. I thought this was platonic but I didn't realize that he wanted to be my boyfriend until he started touching me in weird ways. Then I broke off the friendship because I was confused about his intentions.
Another case of me losing a friend.

Yeah I can relate to that, in 11th Grade there was this girl I used to sit with on the school bus who I thought was pretty cool and funny. I thought I was friends with her and we would joke and cut-up a lot about "liking" each other, but I thought she took it all as a joke because I certainly did. Then when I started to realize she actually did like me I just explained to her that I'm not interested in dating. Ever since then she acts like she completely hates me and always says rude things to me when I see her.

Yes, I have platonic friendships with both boys and girls.