Acquintances to Friends

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I dont have very many actual friends but I do have some acquintances that I see every so often. Its more like I just talk to them whenever I run into them. I dont hangout very much with them. Does anyone have any tips in how to make an acquintance a friend? It seems that I always give out the impression that I dont want to befriend them. Often times Im just shy and super selfconscience of asking them to do something together like go eat lunch together. I know theres a right way to do it smoothly but Im always afraid that if I approach them and ask, it'll be super ackward and feel super guilty afterwards.

I can't really figure this out either. It seems like there were times that it "just seemed to happen" like in high school and college, but never really before that or much after that. I cannot figure this out as an adult. I think it has something to do with proximity (not being around the same people all the time) and life differences (now everyone else has kids and I do not).
ETA: Occasionally it almost seems to happen again but then I can't seem to sustain it.

Last night I was testing various metrics to determine who is an acquaintance versus friend. I think you two just helped me identify one clearly. A friend is someone you can ask to join you for a coffee, meal, movie, or whatever without undue anxiety, preplanning, or ruminating.

I've had no success turning acquaintances into friends in the past seven years. I have noticed that as a single male in his early 40s, no children, and self-employed, I do not seem to fit into the lifestyle, life situation, or social milieu of the people I meet. And the AS probably plays a substantial role, since I am rather poor at detecting nonverbal communication and am told I have minimal body language.

It's worth noting that the NTs I know also report difficulty making new friends as adults. Perhaps this isn't an issue exclusive to the AS/ASDs.

I'm an NT in my early 40s and I've never been good at making or keeping friends. I tend to be blunt and honest and that doesn't usually go over very well. I do enjoy one on one conversations if the other person will open up, but I'd rather be silent than superficial.

The only time I'm truly at ease is when I'm alone or with my children.

When I'm in the company of others, I can sometimes enjoy myself - depending on the people and the situation. But, for the most part, I'm content alone, on my own, and it's usually people who pursue a relationship with me that tend to end up becoming friends. And I think that some people who would call me a 'friend' are really only acquaintances to me. True friendship is very hard to come by, IMO.

But as for suggestions, I think most anything is a legitimate invitation. The first thing that pops into my head is going to the movies cause there's limited interaction, but if you want more, sharing a meal at a restaurant you both like would be nice. Or cooking someone dinner at your home - that's enjoyable too.

Some of these sound like good ways (going to the movies, out to eat, etc.), but the difficulties I would have is actually finding out how to ask someone to do these things. Would they actually want to be my friend? I would feel like an ass if they brushed me off. And then if this acquaintance is a girl (I'm a guy), I think it'd be even harder for me to figure out how to make it not seem like I was hitting on them or asking them out on a date.

Just ask and don't think about it too much , movies are also a good way to get more familiar with people since you don't have to talk for the whole movie and once the movie is done you can just talk about the movie.

Well-put.

De acuerdo. Agreed. I hear this too. Why, though?

in that we're much the same. do you have a myspace?

No I dont but I have facebook though.

well, maybe someday soon i'll make a facebook. seems i'm a bit behind the curve on that one. lol

k, made one. ha

still confused as to how to put a background on it or anything. it's alot more basic than myspace both in function and options it seems.

That's the point LOL no glittering moving nastiness on Facebook- not on your page anyway, just in a few of the ads.

Here's how I've done it...

Choose people that you see often (i.e. you've ran into each other a few times at a social gathering) and that have demonstrated that they want to keep in touch or see you again.

Contact them through text or facebook (I find these are the two easiest and most non-threatening mediums) and do some small talk first, such as asking how their summer is. This lets them know that you're interested in their life. Somewhere in the conversation, ask if they would like to go for coffee, a movie or a meal. If they decline, it's probably nothing against you, they may be busy or exhausted due to work or other committments.

When you do this for the first few rounds, there's going to be some initial anxiety, but this eases if both of you are comfortable with each other's company. good luck!

well, i'm not real partial to glittering nastiness either, but i liked how myspace had more options, particularly it doesn't allow so much for aesthetic style. and the space restrictions doesn't allow me to express the brunt of my personality very efficiently.

I know now that most of the people I've called friends in the past have really just been acquaintances. I have trouble telling the difference, but it seems to me like friends make plans to hang out and acquaintances generally don't spend time together out of context. Friends seek each other out to talk while acquaintances just chat when they happen to see each other. Friends are more open with each other and talk about things that are more personal. I'm about as far from an expert as you can get, but based on my observations, you could try turning acquaintances into friends by inviting them out to do something and by talking to them outside of context (like by sending them an email).

I'm new on here. In my 40s, female, and recognise some of the symptoms of Asperger's in myself. Specifically looking for help with friendships. Sick of using workplaces and 'scenes', ie, colleagues, as a substitute for real friendships.

Someone on this thread said a friend is someone you can invite to an activity without feeling stressed. Maybe... or maybe that's a buddy or a mate. A friend is someone you can really talk with, surely? I would add that a friend is someone you can ask for help and who will ask you when they need help.

Yep. I've done all this. I have lots of acquaintances (more than I want, really) and when I see people they usually act as if they like me, smiling, hugging, telling me stuff. I've had coffees and meals with people. I've had long intimate conversations. I've even slept over in their spare rooms. But are they friends? They never call to see how I am or invite me to do anything with them. When I see people they often suggest we should get together but then they don't get back to me. They wait for me to figure out when I'm free and suggest a time, and if I don't bother, we don't do anything. I have to do all the calling and asking. Even with people I've known for years and know the intimate details of their lives.

Anyone else had similar experiences? What do you think -- am I doing something wrong here or is that just how most people are and I have to live with it? Or maybe I'm just picking the wrong people. I do find the vast majority of people rather boring... finding someone that I want to hang out with AND that wants to hang out with me is really tricky.