What could have your parents done to make it all better?

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Ive been reading this channel, everything thread Ive read about bullying devastates me. We just found out my son has aspergers.

Please tell me what your parents could have or SHOULD have done for you to help you and make you feel better or safe or anything at all that you think could have been done about the bullying. I will do anything in my power to make him feel happy even if I have to bully the bullies for him to make him feel safe and validated and love himself for who he is. Bullying can ruin that and make him hate himself.

So, what would have helped you?

Wow, what a great mom.

I don't know that I can give a good answer here. My parents (pre AS days) didn't do much about bullying (which was not horribly severe, but bad enough) and school systems back then didn't identify and correct bullying like they do now; but if my parents hand-held me through it, I don't know if that would have been better in my particular case. If they had always intervened, I would never have learned what works when dealing with a bully and what doesn't work.

You should certainly intervene if the abuse is physical or ongoing (this is probably obvious) and you should intervene if your little one is absolutely not able to deal with resolving a bullying situation himself (even when armed with advice, information, and role-playing). Some of us can do it, some of us can't.

No matter what, it sucks. But if my hand was held 100% of the time, I would not know how to handle any adult forms of 'bullying' in the workplace. What you want to do is find a balance that will give him the skills to succeed in adult life.

I think that you'll do fine. It's obvious that you care. You want to be involved in his life. Keep your fingers on the pulse of his world and you'll surely succeed!

-- Vip

Not putting me in situations (playing soccer, summer vacations with other kids and other tries to "make me more social") where I was completely lost.

Sometimes too much help makes a person weaker, not better.

Now don't misunderstand - I'm not saying that you shouldn't keep an eye out for your son. Bullies are an unfortunate fact of life (for Aspies at least) and you just have to learn how to handle those situations.

I was always a big kid for my age, but clumsy as an oaf, so fighting was not an option, even if I had had the temperament for it. I had to learn how to diffuse the situation as much as possible and walk away. Or recognize the potential bullies and simply not be where they were. If you always step in, he won't develop these types of coping mechanisms - and you can't be there all the time.

Sad to say, even now they sometimes can't be avoided. I'm preparing to file suit against a bully this very week, who discriminated against me, cheated an organization to help the disabled out of thousands of dollars, and verbally assaulted and threatened me, loudly mocking my autistic stims. This time I'm hiring an attorney to do my fighting for me, but I am fighting back - and the amusing part is, the bully may be meaner than me, but I'm waaay smarter than him, and in this fight, that's what matters. Wish me luck.

My father was a boxer at the Naval Academy. Unfortunately, he never bothered to teach me how to defend myself.

Wow, a parent actually asking for advice (I'm referring to this thread). I wish my parents would have thought of that. No, they had ALL the answers to everything - look how I turned out. My parents ever sought a ounce of informatio or help for me. They had the "It'll all work out - we just have to break him down" attitude towards me. How damaging that turned out to be...

SO, he was bullied the other day and he had a meltdown. Well, he was ostrasized form the kids he was playing with they turned on him and were excluding him, telling him he coundlt play or use the scooter anymore, etc. One of the kids took the scooter out of his hands so Josh had a meltdown and threw a newspaper and hit the nastiest kid in the neck and picked it back up and started hitting another kid with it. the kids came and told me to get him in trouble and at first I was upset that josh did that, but then i talked to him and he told me why and what happened then i talked to the kids and they even admitted to not letting him play the game and taking the scooter away. I went to talk to the parents with josh a little later, I made Josh apologise for hitting and then tell the kids and parents WHY he did it. He couldnt quite get it out right, SO I took over. One of the parents began hitting her son with a shoe yelling at him not to be a bully. Josh really liked that he actually smiled when she hit him.

DID I DO THE RIGHT THING? OR AM I FIGHTING HIS BATTLES? He hasnt played with any kids since that night but the parents of one of the kids invited us to their church tonight. I want to say this "NO YOUR SON IS A BULLY AND I WONT ALLOW HIM NEAR MY SON AGAIN"

^^ I don't want to make generalizations but usually team sports are not good for aspies, for a number of reasons.

My parents did the best they could based on what they believed and what they knew of my situation.I didnt tell them much.However, they did say, if I was bullied and had to defend myself, that they would take my side and set the school straight if the school tried to punish me for defending myself.They basically taught me that I HAD THE RIGHT to defend myself and taught me to stand on my own two feet, and if anything happened as a result, they would step in.

I think you're already doing a lot by wanting to help. My mom looked at me and my brother as complete and utter freaks.

Bullies are nothing more than brownshirts in modern clothing.