Girls being used by guys

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Ok, so girls chat to single guys as friends and stuff, as soon as the guy gets a girlfriend he stops talking to you?

This happens to me ALL the time.

How do you avoid guys like this?

I should be used to being used when there is no-one better, but it sucks. Why can't people still be friends with you? Surley a relationship isn't the only important thing in the world?

I think the most common cause is jealously of the girl they are dating. Probably making the guy feel guilty of talking or even looking at another girl, even as friends. Not saying all girls are like that though.

I have never felt jealous in my life (symptom of AS, perhaps?). Probably that is a good thing.

I've never done this to my female friends and I can't fathom why a person would. I suppose what lausey says may be true, but only to an extent. If I were in your position hale_bopp, I would confront them about it.

Also, they may not realise how much you miss their company, particularly if you find it hard to show appreciation of people in general (like myself). With the newfound company of their partner, they may be 'ditching' you because they don't feel you appreciate them as much as they would like. Do you give signs that you're bothered by this?

For us it really has more to do with the girls we date. Now bare in mind, some people have a tendency to date a "pattern".

For me, I have several female friends and I've almost always had one of those who I've talked to on a pretty regular basis (I would say more than a few hours every couple of days), who this top female is has rotated over the years depending on that person's situation or mine, but it's all generally out of the same group.

Each time I've begun dating someone new, whoever that top female friend is kinda had to step back and accept having less of my time, mostly because I really try to work on the communication / friendship aspects of the relationship. I would still devote some time to my female friends, but to be honest time constraints were the main issue.

Each girl I've dated accepted the friendships a different way, but there was usually some level of jealousy -- I tried to discourage this as best I could.

The last girl I dated was not a pink loving girly girl (all the girls I've dated are like that). In fact, she hated those kind of girls empatically. At the time, my best girl buddy was Lindsey -- very girlly girl, very pink loving, sorority girl type and very attractive. I could tell Kristy hated her (even without meeting Lindsey -- I never introduced them), but she did really good by respecting my friendship with Lindsey. Although she did look at Lindsey's blog one time and said, "I don't think I could ever meet your friend without hating her."

Some girls are much more demanding and I've seen this in my friends time and again. It's not the guy's fault aside from the type of women they choose and not putting their foot down enough. It really comes from an extremely demanding girlfriend.

Think of it this way hale_bopp, if you had a boyfriend who had an absolutely stunning girl buddy that he talked to all the time, and probably had more to talk about with her than you, how would you handle it?

If a guy suddenly stops talking to you when he gets a girlfriend, it is because he was never genuinely interested in being your friend. He was just talking to you in search of leverage to use to get you "with him."

phoenixjsu has a very good point. Maybe you need to look at things on the guy's perspective. It is likely he isn't trying to intentionally neglect you at all, just that relationships demand a huge amount of attention. Especially at the beginning of the relationship.

*clarification*

To clarify that, I ment to imply that all the girls I date aren't pink loving girlly girls and they generally dislike those kinds of girls.

Thats kind of rude, they seem pretty narrow minded then..



The thing is I wouldn't really want a boyfriend.. I just fail to see what makes relationships so much more important than friends.

Yeah... Yeah they were. And they eventually turn that wonderful narrow perspective of the world and attitude on me( ), which is why I'm on a hiatus from dating right now.



Oh no. I'm not saying that. I'm just trying to show you what it looks like from the other girls perspective (i.e. how she would view you in the role of friend). I just figured that might help you a bit.

Personally, I completely adore my girl buddies and I don't value the girlfriend over them even if I spend much more time with the girlfriend. It's just a different kind of relationship altogether.

Now, are you sure the guy completely dropped you, or has he just been following this new girlfriend like a lost puppy? I know some guys that can completely forget their friends when they date someone, but it doesn't necessarily mean they have less feelings for their friends. They just become total slaves.

Another scenario could also be that maybe the guy was interested in you for more than just friendship, so he moved on when an interested girl came along. In that case, I can't blame you for maybe being upset, but just remember that maybe he is trying to protect his feelings (which can be hard to shake sometimes). Have you ever had a crush and willingly accepted friendship instead? It's a pretty bitter pill to swallow. Those feelings he would have can be changed into feelings of plutonic friendship, but it takes time.

Either way, give it a bit of time and you'll probably see him again.

Not all girls are like that though.. I mean I'm girly but I would give anyone a chance whether they're girly, tomboy, lesbian or whatnot, before i'd make a statement like "I don't like them" (before I know them), that girlfriend you had seems like a real cow, you're better off without her.. anyone that hates someone when they don't even know them is not a very nice person.




Hmm, thanks for your input.

Guys stop talking to girls to get them out of their minds, that and you only have so much time for people. You can't have lots and lots of people and know them all very well, you have to pick and choose who you want in your social circle to make your life sane.

lol i guess no-one wants me in their social circle.

Have you told your friend how you feel? One of my female friends drops off the face of the earth when she gets a new boyfriend, so I don't hear much from her for the first couple of weeks of the relationship. It bothered me and some of the others and we sat down and talked about it. She didn't mean to ignore us, but when she falls for a guy she falls hard. She tries to put a lot of effort and time into the relationship from the get go that she forgets about us. She didn't mean to do it on purpose, and after we talked she tried to hang out with us a bit more and we cut her some slack if we don't hear from her that much. A romantic relationship is very different from a regular friendship. I've known some of my friends since middle through high school. If we don't don't talk much for a couple of weeks out of several years won't hurt our friendship. A new romantic relationship doesn't hold up quite as well. My friend's time is already stretched thin enough as it is with jobs, college, family, and friends. She's a lot more agreeable when she's getting laid too. After those couple of weeks and the guy is still around, we meet him and see what the fuss is all about. The boyfriend usually isn't an as*hole so everyone gets along, he joins the fold, and we see both of them all the time now. It helps if you get to know the girlfriend/boyfriend. How do you feel about your guy friend? Sometimes when my one guy friend would get a new love interest, some of his other female friends would get upset. It wasn't because he wasn't spending as much time with them, but because they had a crush on him and hadn't made their move in time.