The trouble with 'keeping' friends.

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In my experience, people are seeking acceptance and companionship just as much as you. If you indulge their interests (regardless of how mind numbingly boring it is) Invite them to some sort of activity that is of mutual interest on a semi-frequent basis, and occasionally remind them that you value thier friendship. They want you to know and like them. You can maintain a friendship for long periods if you can do that, generally.

That, of course, assumes that they hold some interest for you, and that you wish to continue the friendship. Sometimes I've found I simply no longer wish to be around certain people, either there is no intellectual stimulation, or I am single handedly facilitating the friendship with little or no benefit. Other than being near (proximity) another human being.

My wife is NT and has a lot of friends(I don't). She has friends that were since she was still in Indonesia(where she is originally from) when she was younger. I kind of envy that sometimes but am happy for her in that regard. I have basically learned to not talk too much about stuff I'm interested in with her friends and over the years they seem to have tolerated me and she hasn't lost any of them. I like her friends and think maybe some of them even like me(but I am not sure).

I sometimes wish I could have friends and be "normal" like my wife and son are but am also pretty much resinged to the way things are for me. At least I am able to get along with people for the most part and have acquaintances that at least treat me kindly even if they don't like me(not sure about that).

I haven't been diagnosed with Asperger's yet but I strongly suspect I may have it.

Holy s**t, I can't believe how totally true that is. The TV thing, however, isn't one that is so generalized. If you watch, say, House, American Idol, Friends, Family Guy, or (insert name of random reality show here) then yeah, that's pretty much socially acceptable. But if you were a fan of, say, something foreign (Monty Python, Spaced, Whose Line Is It Anyway?) or something aimed at a niche market like otaku (Fullmetal Alchemist, Death Note, Cowboy Bebop), the sci-fi crowd (Star Trek, Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Doctor Who), or the late-night Adult Swim-type people (Futurama, Home Movies, Metalocalypse), you're pretty much screwed in social interaction. Guess that there's a reason for the term "mainstream".

Similar story here I'm afraid - I've learned basic social skills and can interest people, but don't have whatever magic-bean ability is required in order to maintain a friendship and so continually mess potential relationships up. It's getting to the point now where I just want to avoid people altogether because I know that when I do hit it off with someone that I like it's going to fall apart spectacularly at some point in the future, generally because of something I've done - I either say something out of place, misconstrue someone's intention or generally embarrass people with my behaviour - because, I'm just not very good around people.

I'd love to have a 'proper' friend and know what that feels like though, it must be nice.

This is why I'm scared to go back to school. I'm worried that my old school-friends won't want to talk to me anymore. Of course, if that turns out to be true, they wouldn't be real friends. But it's not that easy when I seldom meet new people.
I might be worrying too much. In fact, I'm almost sure I am. It's just that sometimes it's hard to believe that anyone could ever like me.

My taste in TV is not mainstream. I can't stand American Idiot(as I call American Idol). I like Survivor, Big Brother, and Hell's Kitchen though. But my favourite shows are Korean soap operas that they show on Channel 18 in Los Angeles, like "Temptation of Wife", "Princess Ja-Miyung", and "City Hall". I started watching these programmes with my wife and got "hooked" on them.

I am the exact same way! I make friends and then a few months later loose them! I am not a social butterfly, and I prefer to talk/feel more comfortable with people older than me. I try to talk about the interest that I have, and they are just saying stuff like "that's cool", etc.

People tell me "I'm so glad we've become friends!", then they disappear with a ridiculous excuse or just plain start ignoring me. A few years later, they need something that's easiest and fastest and surest gotten through me, so they look me up. They find a wall and go all self-pitying not understanding why, these big, innocent, sad eyes, they're sooo sensitive when it's about THEIR feelings. I can understand and accept that I'm not likeable, I don't hold it against you at all, it's not your fault that I'm unpleasant, but don't whine when I ignore you after you've dumped me like a piece of old rag. It's not written anywhere that because I'm too weird to be someone's friend, I have to be their doormat instead. So when they call asking for a favor, I either tell them "I'm in the bathroom, I'll call you in a few minutes" and never call them again, or if they were particularly nasty to me, I tell them I'll be glad to do what they're asking for, just please write down my bank account number because I take payment in advance. They get the message.

When I got divorced, this mutual friend dumped me like a hot potato, choosing my ex husband to remain friends with and refusing to be friends with both separately. She dumped me with harsh words when I called her to wish her a happy new year. I could've used a friend back then. I never heard from her again, though. Some 15 years later I bumped into her, she was sooo wanting to renew the friendship, I sent her to hell with my actions, she was all surprised. Why people are surprised that you didn't sit waiting for 15 years is beyond me.

If I'm too weird to be your friend, then I'm too weird to do you favors or keep you company next time you need me in a few years, aren't I.

Last edited by Greentea on 28 Aug 2009, 9:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Wow. I'd be afraid someone would take me up on that offer, run to the nearest bank with my account number, and rob me blind!

That said, point taken. I had someone ask me to do a favor once, and was too upset to tell them that especially since I had just become unemployed that very weekend, that they should actually be paying me for the use of my Photoshop skills, especially based on how large the project was they wanted me to handle! Instead, I simply ignored the person for a couple weeks. (Which turned out to be not long enough ... )

Your banker is an idiot if he gives your money to anyone just because they know your account number. Your bank account number is written on your cheques and in many, many places. Replace your banker.

I find it hard to keep friends because
1) I let them make all of the decisions to avoid being rejected or suggesting something socially-inappropriate. Then I end up resenting them and not enjoying what they want to do because, face it, I like quiet, weird things.
OR
2) I let people take advantage of me because I assume they're as honest and fair as I am.
OR
3) I scare them off with my weirdness (or I think I do because I'm very self-conscious and don't want to face them again after doing something strange).

But luckily, I was segregated into the Gifted classes at school where everyone's at least "quirky", if not a little bit Aspie, so I managed to make some friends.

I had lost my friend because she got jealous...I admit,I'm always with her boyfriend because his boyfriend and I need to prepare for upcoming contests that we'll be joining..and in fact,it is NOT my fault..if she wanted me to get rid of her boyfriend,why not make an effort of having good grades at school so that she would replace me? I wouldn't feel bad if she would replace me..

I don't care about my grades,they are not accurate and they couldn't measure my intelligence.... and what's the use of them in the future?

For example,If you'll be having a job interview,would the interviewer ask you something about how high your grades is? no! they would just base it on how you answered their questions...

Every time I make a friend (or at least try to), it never goes beyond becoming good aquaintances. It's like I'm not interesting enough to get to know. I don't know what it is. I kind of gave up because I don't want to get hurt in the end, like I have in the past.

Same here.

Honestly I have had the same group of freinds that I have been hanging out for 4 years, and I cause the least drama out of the whole group. My other freinds from high school, there usually busy or I don't see them that much.

I have a friend I have known since 6th grade and I feel like we're drifting apart. Sadly, I really can't tell the status of our friendship now, its up and down. Sucks, because he is my only close IRL friend. I'll probably have none soon.