feel like you can't trust your best freinds?

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I'm just curious if anyone else on here has ever felt like they either can't trust who they thought where their best freinds, or feel like their bring used by them? I've been going through this with one of my best freinds since July. But I don't even know how to bring it up. I'm not the only one upset by what they are doing, just use to it more, and feel it more intenstly. Every single time one of us brings up the issue she either has an excuse and or jumps down our throats.

What friends?

In a simple answer ... "yes"

I remember being in my mid twenties and I started really, really realizing that I was on a completely different wavelength as my at-the-time buddies were. My friends were all meeting what would soon become their husbands/long term companions. I still was not able to meet anyone even for a date
I started noticing that these "friends" would only call when they needed something from me (to borrow an item of clothing or accessory or to use something that I had - be it a connection or an item). They never seemed to want to call just to chat. They wanted to spend time with other couples and I was just sort of a peripheral acquaintance.

It was a painful time. I felt really alone. I tried to maintain contact with some of these friends, but one of them started getting plain catty with me.

We all drifted apart.

Since this time, I had an acquaintance tell me a wonderful thing (she had been married and divorced and was currently living with a new partner - she was wonderful NT and I am so blessed to have made her acquaintance). Anyway, she said, "people are in our lives for a reason and a season" When she said "season" she didn't necessarily mean "short term" she simply meant that most people in our lives come and go. My friends and I were suitable for each other in high school, but as we grew in different ways - it was time to move on.

My mistake, at the time, was not realizing that I needed to grow and "move on" in my own way. I thought that what my then friends were doing was the "correct" thing to do at my age. Looking back, the best thing I could have done was to disengage more from this set of friends and pursue my own interests (and perhaps another set of people) who were more suitable to me. When one of these drifting friends called for a favour - I should have said "no" politely, but firmly, and moved on myself.

Back to you goybandrocks, maybe you and the friendship with this person is ending its "reason and season." If the friendship makes you feel bad (you don't feel you can trust them and you feel used) - it might be time to start disengaging. Think of the things that you like to do. Join a meet up of others who share this interest. If you are verbal and high functioning - join Toastmasters or join a club through a church or social activity group. Meet other people and enjoy what you like to do. If you can't find anyone to do activities with - pursue interests on your own - it will keep you interested in life and interesting to others. Don't dis this friend and burn any bridges. Maybe in a decade or two - you might bump into each other and it would be nice to be able to either re-connect or at least share a pleasant conversation.

Anyways, this is just my opinion, based on what I've experienced/felt in the past and what I have learned through the years.

Good luck to you.

Thankyou. It would be much easy said then done, if we hadn't met through said intrest. I don't know how to break away from the person causing the problem and everyone else I know with said intrest. Pascalians (fans of broadway star adam pascal ) and Rent fans are hard to come by. So how do I break away from one, if we are all mutural freinds? Not to mention we are both freinds with Adam. As it turns out his father in law is a Harvard nobel prize winner pyhcologist (sp?) and studies autism as well as global warming and the effects from humans (ie. Alligies, sprayed foods, autism , learning disablities) He is very protective of me because of it. If I am at one of his meet and greets he'll gently place me next to him , so I'm not in the crowd of pushing people.

Yep - this makes it harder.

However, this particular "friend" which you still see through your main social contacts needs to be relegated to the "peripheral friend" category. Be civil. Be cordial, but don't confide or be too close. As Adam is someone who are fond of, alienating this friend or being uncivil will alienate Adam as well.

BTW - I saw the movie/musical "Rent" and rather enjoyed it (especially the song "Seasons of Love").

Maybe just shift in the circle... rather than sit next to the difficult person, sit next to a neutral or preferred person, if this can be done subtly. Be busy when the difficult person calls. Still distantly friendly and civil in person, but leave out the personal stuff in talking with them.

I'm currently going through a re-adjustment with someone I thought was a friend, but who recently told me I wanted too much in expecting to be able to spend time wth her.

Also, if you want to address particular troublesome behaviors, I suggest you get the book "People Skills" by Robert Bolton. There's a great section on how to assert yourself without being aggressive, how to phrase your concern in a way most likely to be heard. Even if you never actually say anything, it's a good exercise to do mentally... maybe even practice out loud.

That is so cool Candian Rose! Yes Adam (Roger) and I are both from Long Island. His father in law is Eric chivian. His wife helps me with the GF/CF diet. Thankyou so much for your help. It is so seldom to meet someone who enjoy's RENT and has or might have A.S.

Sorry to jump in here with nothing to add to the topic, but I just have to say that I am OBSESSED with RENT and am totally jealous that you know Adam Pascal!!

Also, RENT fans really are hard to come by and I don't know why that is because it's amazing!

Sorry again, my inner fangirl is hard to suppress around certain topics, RENT being one of them.

ever thought to yourself maybe you make it too easy?
if they're straight up sleazebags, kick em to the curb.
if they're not too malicious about it then maybe you should just consider asserting yourself
and showing that you will not stand for being used. or trying doing the same back to them if perhaps they do not realize how selfish they've been acting and simply need a wake up call.
talk it over. even good people can turn into opportunistic as*holes if the victim doesn't appear to care, or jus acts way too passive in the matter. trick is not to take it too far and get too defensive each time after if they ask a small favor. it's give & take. they're still allowed to take, but in normal doses, and you're allowed to guilt trip them into doing things right back. that's the take part. if it's truly not equal as is, tip the scales til it is. quit complaining, fix it.

I have never been close enough to anyone to be willing to confide anything to them.