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Rude roommate

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Greshym_Shorkan
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06 Nov 2009, 1:21 am

Tell me what I ought to do...

Okay, my room mate (1 of 3) was okay at first, but once I confided in him some of my anger and concerns about my life, things slowly soured. We were watching this movie in the common room and on screen this biker hit this little kid (the movie was torque btw). I gasped out of surprise and he turns to me and goes, "Calm down... it's alright... it only a movie." Not too big a deal, but I'm a little tired of his sarcasm. Then this one time I laughed at something -one of those silent laughs where you just exhale through your nose- and he asks, "you okay there man? You having a seisure?" I said, "It's laughter, man." I know, lame, but I didn't want to just let him dump on me.

Now the only time he ever talks is when he asks me if I noticed how my rooms getting a little musty. He even went in one time and left a scented candle without my permission. Considering everything I yelled and said to never go in my room without my permission.

Is this common room mate behavior?



Friskeygirl
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06 Nov 2009, 2:14 am

hmmm I would tell him to quit being a big douchbag



Maggiedoll
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06 Nov 2009, 9:27 am

Maybe he just didn't know how to react to the stuff you confided in him about? Obviously I don't know about this particular guy, but a lot of times not knowing how to react/respond to something can end up coming off as rudeness. Lots of people deal with not knowing how to react in different ways. Like, if he didn't know what to say/do, and so he tried to make a joke out of it 'cause that's how he copes with not knowing how to react, then when you got angry at him for it, he could have felt like the best thing he could do would be not say anything at all?
(IS your room "musty"? Might it actually bother him?)



CleverKitten
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06 Nov 2009, 3:55 pm

Does your room have a door with a knob that can lock?
Do you keep your bedroom door closed all the time? (Your roomate shouldn't be able to smell anything in your room unless he is sticking his nose right up to the crack between the doorframe and the door, or he is opening the door and entering your room and smelling your room.)

Perhaps you should invest in a doorknob that allows you to lock the door from the outside with a key so only *you* have access to *your* room.


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elderwanda
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06 Nov 2009, 9:11 pm

Greshym_Shorkan wrote:
Tell me what I ought to do...

Okay, my room mate (1 of 3) was okay at first, but once I confided in him some of my anger and concerns about my life, things slowly soured. We were watching this movie in the common room and on screen this biker hit this little kid (the movie was torque btw). I gasped out of surprise and he turns to me and goes, "Calm down... it's alright... it only a movie." Not too big a deal, but I'm a little tired of his sarcasm. Then this one time I laughed at something -one of those silent laughs where you just exhale through your nose- and he asks, "you okay there man? You having a seisure?" I said, "It's laughter, man." I know, lame, but I didn't want to just let him dump on me.

Now the only time he ever talks is when he asks me if I noticed how my rooms getting a little musty. He even went in one time and left a scented candle without my permission. Considering everything I yelled and said to never go in my room without my permission.

Is this common room mate behavior?


I think it's a macho thing. These are the guys who were whacked upside the head by their dads if they cried at the age of two, or liked anything remotely pink, and need to constantly be establishing the pecking order by making sure everyone knows that he is the manliest. It's like, one baboon will go and whack another with a stick, just to say, "I'm the alpha male. Don't forget it. (Baboons are the a**holes of the primate world, from what I've read. Aside from humans, of course.) I may be completely wrong, and usually am, but I suspect he felt a tear start to well up in his eye when the biker hit the kid, and he had to immediately do some alpha male chest-thumping behavior.

That's not to say that women don't do the same kind of stuff. It's different in the details, but similar.



Aqua_Dragon
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06 Nov 2009, 9:58 pm

To be frank, it seems like you are having a serious overreaction to what he does.

-Telling you to calm down during a movie isn't something to get ticked off about. You gasped from it happening, and he was just reminding you that a little kid wasn't ACTUALLY hit by a bike, because he may have thought that you were maybe reacting about it a bit too much. You shouldn't be so offended by sarcasm, since there's no real reason to be offended by it.

In addition, he probably has gone his whole life using sarcasm just fine, and doesn't even see it as anything wrong anymore

-If you take a look at the laughter thing from his point of view, it's justified that he decided to ask. If he knows what a seizure might look like, then it is a very real possibility it could have happened and he just wanted to make sure you were fine.

If it was sarcastic and he knew you were laughing, then refer to what I said about sarcasm.

-The scented candle thing seems to only be a mistake on his part for not understanding personal boundaries, but it's not something to be super worked up about. There is obviously something about the "musty room" that bothers him, or he would not have bothered to place the candle in there. After all, it's not like there's some kind of prank-factor to leaving a candle in a room.

You seem overly aggressive to what he's doing. You didn't have to yell at him not to go into your room. A simple "Could you please not go into my room without permission?" would have probably sufficed.



Maggiedoll
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06 Nov 2009, 11:00 pm

elderwanda wrote:
I think it's a macho thing. These are the guys who were whacked upside the head by their dads if they cried at the age of two, or liked anything remotely pink, and need to constantly be establishing the pecking order by making sure everyone knows that he is the manliest. It's like, one baboon will go and whack another with a stick, just to say, "I'm the alpha male. Don't forget it. (Baboons are the a**holes of the primate world, from what I've read. Aside from humans, of course.)

What kind of manliness is it to light a scented candle because you're offended by a musty smell? Scented candles are much more of a girl thing anyways. (Not that guys can't use them, just that the general connotation of scented candles is such that it wouldn't make sense to light a scented candle in order to prove one's masculinity.. "I Tarzan. I thump chest. I not like smell. I light scented candle.") :lol:



gemstone123
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09 Nov 2009, 12:58 pm

:lol: That guy is a bit fussy ain't he? Imagine putting a scented candle in someone else's place. :lol:



Greshym_Shorkan
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12 Nov 2009, 2:44 pm

Aqua_Dragon wrote:
To be frank, it seems like you are having a serious overreaction to what he does.

-Telling you to calm down during a movie isn't something to get ticked off about. You gasped from it happening, and he was just reminding you that a little kid wasn't ACTUALLY hit by a bike, because he may have thought that you were maybe reacting about it a bit too much. You shouldn't be so offended by sarcasm, since there's no real reason to be offended by it.

In addition, he probably has gone his whole life using sarcasm just fine, and doesn't even see it as anything wrong anymore

-If you take a look at the laughter thing from his point of view, it's justified that he decided to ask. If he knows what a seizure might look like, then it is a very real possibility it could have happened and he just wanted to make sure you were fine.

If it was sarcastic and he knew you were laughing, then refer to what I said about sarcasm.

-The scented candle thing seems to only be a mistake on his part for not understanding personal boundaries, but it's not something to be super worked up about. There is obviously something about the "musty room" that bothers him, or he would not have bothered to place the candle in there. After all, it's not like there's some kind of prank-factor to leaving a candle in a room.

You seem overly aggressive to what he's doing. You didn't have to yell at him not to go into your room. A simple "Could you please not go into my room without permission?" would have probably sufficed.


Well, true, but I take everything into account, not just the one incident, and the still found the gesture rude. That's how I see it. I admit, I am subject to error. But thank you for your insight (no sarcasm intended).