Keeping friendships, making new ones, etc.

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Hello. Right now, I'm kinda feeling blue because I'm having a hard time trying to keep the rare friendships (I'd say three) I managed to make in high school over the last two years, and I can't really find a way to meet other people too.

These friendships that I managed to make, I can't maintain them as easily as before now that I am in college and that they're somewhere else. In high school last year, they were in my class so I virtually saw them almost everyday. Now, 2 of them are still in town but they're studying other things and I don't have the opportunity to see them everyday like in high school, and it's a little difficult for me to maintain relationships in this situation because I have to think about phoning them, so we can see each other, and this isn't something natural for me (because I'm an Aspie, obviously).
I suppose my form of the disease is mild compared to other people because I still want to socialize with "normal" people and see them often, even though it's not totally natural for me. I tend to think that if I don't see friends as often as normal people do, they won't consider me as a normal friend, fully a part of their circle of friends (I know, it's kinda silly).
Even though I can stay alone without seeing people for quite a long time, I usually start to feel depressed about it after some time and I eventually need to see people (it seems like it's happening right now).

Anyway, so I called one of my friends this afternoon to ask him if we could hang out this weekend. He answered me that he had something planned and that he probably would have something planned for all the incoming weekends until Christmas! His refusal and the fact that he'll be busy all the time didn't disappoint me that much, it doesn't matter. What makes me sad is that it made me realize that I haven't managed to get in one of these circle of friends I mentioned above.
My friend will be busy hanging out with some of his friends and I'm OK with that. What makes me sad is that all my friends already know a lot of people, people they have met earlier than me; they have built up a circle of friends with whom they hang out, do stuff, and I can't really be a part of it because it's too late. Unlike normal people, I haven't had the opportunity to make friends during my adolescence (because of AS) except for the last two years. We could say I have no friend background, I haven't built my own circle of friends, and now that I'm trying to make friendships I'm bumping against these circles that are not open anymore. They won't let me in. That's why I'm sad today, I feel I'm stuck and I can't go any further in my friendships. I suppose maybe there's a way to get in these circles if I see my friends more often and if they eventually present me to some of their othe friends, but I can't see them often enough, because it's hard for me (not natural) and/or because they're already busy.

Besides, I also would like to make new friendships and I suppose I could do that at college but it's not easy at all. It was way easier in high school, where you were always with the same people in the same class. It was a good catalyst to eventually meet people. In college it's different, you don't really have opportunities to meet people because you don't see them often and the people with whom you are in classes always change (that's how it works in France, I don't know for other countries). I've noticed that normal people manage to meet others even in this context but personally I can't. And even if I met some, I'd eventually come across the problem I explained above.



There it is. I wanted to write this down to let it out and maybe to find some advice. I hope my problems are clear, even though some parts are incredibly contrived. Also, I'm not a native speaker and maybe some ideas didn't get through well, but I hope it's OK because I'm doing English studies.

You speak english very very well. In fact, I like the way you articulate yourself. (:

I really don't have any advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm in the exact same situation as you. What you said is exactly what I'm going through right now - I know how you are feeling.

I wish I could just get to know the people in my classes like in high school, but - you said it better - its so much more different here. Meal times alone are getting lonely, though they were nice at first. It just seems like everyone else has a group, a 'circle' as you said it, and I'm still alone.

I wish i could say something to help, but all I have for you is hope that it will somehow work out for both of us. (:

And here I am thinking about taking some college courses to meet people. *stomps feet*

From around 20 to 32 I was able to build a small group of friends. I had my best friend Nick's parent's house to go to on Thanksgiving and small holidays where I could travel to see my family. His mom is kinda a second mom to me. I had Kurt who was my family hand me down friend. He was friends with my brother, then my sister, then me. And a had another friend named Brian. Nick's mom was kinda the den mother to this motley crew of nerd gamers and we used to do LAN parties years ago.

Then...

Nick went in the army 4 years ago. He's getting out soon and moving to another state to go to school with his new best friend. Nick's parents moved out of state, Kurt moved 3 hours away, and Brian moved out of state. All in the last 3 months. I have no family within 800 miles, no friends, and I can't move because I owe more on my condo than it's worth.

So I guess I'm in the same boat as you two. I wish us all the best of luck and strength to do the stuff that doesn't come natural, but has to be done to fill in some of the space we can fill on our own.

Thanks for the support.

Actually, when I think about it, my problem is that I can't go beyond small talk and I can't find a way to talk to new people. Actually, there are 2 or 3 people I sometimes talk to at college, but it never goes beyond small talk (about work, "have you read the book?", that kind of stuff), and I feel these people don't really interest me anyway; I feel we don't have much in common so I don't go further.
I'd like to meet other people, but I can't find a way to start a conversation, to approach them. I see other people starting to talk naturally to others out of the blue, even though they've never talked to each other before, and they can eventually become friends. It never works like that for me. I can find myself talking to people I don't know but it's really rare and it always happens by chance, and it never goes really far. There are lots of people who entered college two months ago without knowing anyone and yet they managed to rapidly make friends. I don't understand why it doesn't work with me!

I have no idea how to start a conversation, and maybe eventually a friendship, with someone I don't know. Even though I've done it two or three times before, I have the impression that it was purely by chance, and I'm tired of always relying on chance. I want to force it a little, because it doesn't work otherwise.

Are there any clubs you can join that interest you? At least you would have a common interest with others and you would see them at club meetings. It takes me a long time to get to know people enough to consider if I would want to be friends with them. If you're the same way, maybe joining a club at school would give you the oportunity to meet and get to know some new people that could potentialy become friends.

I was just about to make a topic on pretty much the same topic. I think I understnd what you're going through as well, maybe. I find in college it's very difficult to make friends, because you don't often actually see people outside of lessons, you can't make any kind of significant relationships with them.

I suppose it also depends what you do outside of college really. You could take up some kind of club, and meet people there, although never be put off if it fails with the first person you meet. Unfortunately, you can't go Psycho Mantis and mind-control someone into getting on with you, but if you put the energy into meeting people and exploring them, sometimes you have enough interests to click.

That's one kind of friendship I've found anyway. The best one is the one where you seem to intuitively understand each other. I'm not sure what do you do to "get" that kind of freindship, I'm working on it.

I've recently started college and made the first friends I could imagine knowing til I'm old and boring ,but some are in different groups which is driving me mad as I don't know how to split time between them,I'm not sure how to keep them,one of my friends is biopolar and going through a really difficult time right now and sometimes I feel too tired to do things but know if I don't then I'll be friendless and depressed again..I get the same aching feeling in my stomach that I get when I'm lonely and the stress is getting to me too...its good to know I'm not the only one.