Bad At Making Small Talk

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Amen on the 'terrible at small talk.'

I learned not to answer the question, "How are you?" with anything but "Fine" when I got chewed out for it in the carpool in fifth grade -- abject humiliation at a ridiculous hour of the morning is a highly effective teaching tool, apparently. I can now handle the most basic exchanges -- "How are you?" "Fine, you?" or, "Nice day, isn't it?" "Oh, yes." -- because I've sort of programmed those into my 'operating system' for dealing with the rest of the world.

When it goes beyond that, though, I invariably fail: either I say too much, say far too little, or say something that makes people ask me if I grew up in another country.

I do understand in an entirely rational way that small talk sort of operates as a sort of social-glue reinforcement, but I still find it basically intolerable and incomprehensible.

The lack of any need for small talk is one of the reasons most of my friends are Aspies. If I visit my friend Robert, our conversations are like:
"Hi."
"Hi!"
"Wanna go for a bike ride?"
"Okay."

So much easier.

I wish I had aspoie friends I fee like they are the only ones that understand me sometimes.

I'm not a fan of small talk. Although I have to engage in it sometimes to get to know people, it's mostly pointless.

To NTs and to educated Aspies, smalltalk can be damn useful.
Here's the secret: It's not the content (words in and of themselves) that matters so much as the manner in which you present it and respond to it.
Every time someone makes smalltalk with you, they are trying to glean information about you that will help them assess what kind of person you are, based on how you respond to their questions. There are almost always hidden implied questions that are usually something like:

Are you a friendly person?
Can I trust you?
Are you a threat to my safety or status?
Are we compatible as friends or possible lovers?

The MANNER in which you present your answers is vital. If someone says "I love watching golf tournaments" instead of saying "Oh my god I HATE that, it's SO boring" you are more diplomatic and say "I never really cared for it, I like basketball myself" you come across as less hostile and not prone to quick anger outbursts, while still being truthful. Also you will have avoided making the other person feel like their opinion is being shot down or invalidated just because yours is different.

In addition, the degree of detail that you share with the other person shows the degree of emotional/mental intimacy that you want to have with them. Withholding information and providing an automatic response ("How are you?" "Fine thanks") maintains a safe distance between you and the other person if you don't want closeness, and sharing a lot of personal information ("How are you?" "I had a frustrating day, I overslept and then I got stuck in this awful traffic on the way to work") forges emotional intimacy and trust, IF YOU ALLOW THE OTHER PERSON the opportunity to do the same.

That post was very helpful Chizpurfle52595! I will bear this in mind when im talking to people. Does this only apply to acquaintances?

I can barely go without talking about myself. Of course I am interested in the person I'm talking to, but I always end up talking about my personal experiences or opinions.

I feel that small talk is wont of depth, in comparison to a more personalized conversation in which this quality is thriving.

I'm just starting to learn the art of small talk. For me it's an autopilot thing. You learn to give systematic responses that are unoffensive and expected. Even if you don't care about what the other person is saying you can pretend like you care. It's difficult to discipline yourself like this but it's helpful in business situations.

For example:

"Today I was at the supermarket and ran into Jacob. He was telling me about how he was going to get engaged to Karen. I haven't seem them since college."
"Cool... I haven't seem them in a while either."
"They are gonna be getting a house together in Alaska."
"Neat."

At this point they usually leave you alone.

If they continue their babble about inane bs:

"I was thinking about visiting them in Alaska. Jacob is wearing those crazy pants he used to wear in college. He always cracks me up."
"Me too."
"Well it was nice running into you. Catch you later."

Always try to get to a point where you can say "me too" so they can quit their inane chatter. Once you blindly agree with them there really isn't anything else to be said.

Or if it's not a business situation:

"Today I was at the supermarket and ran into Jacob. He was telling me about how he was going to get engaged to Karen. I haven't seem them since college."
"I remember this one time in college where I was fighting with that professor over [insert obscure topic here] and the cops came. It was a total riot. You should have seen the way Karen reacted. Jacob and Karen are gonna be perfect together. I hear they're also into [insert obscure topic here]."
"Well it was nice running into you. Catch you later."

I STINK at "small talk".

When I try it, it sounds more like:

Me: "How about them electrolytic capacitors?
it is sure cool how the ones with more
of an alkaline electrolyte can sometimes
hold a charge longer than the acidic ones,
although the plate materials and the
separating insulator can also affect this."

Bob Normal: {Stands there with jaw open} "Uhh, Ok."

I try, altho I am sometimes too honest,
with sports talk I am lost and I usually
end up with alot of "I don't know" in there.

If a younger kid starts something up about
Spongebob or Rugrats I can really relate,
or Pokemon will also get me to open it.

Growedup small talk is almost impossible
for me, unless I am coached along,
or it is about electronics.

Kid small talk is much easier, I remember
the Spongebob episode where Patrick and
SpongeBob find this baby scallop or Oyster
and try to take care of it and all the junk
they go thru and stuff was funny.

I can do that much easier.

I'm okay at going along with it when someone else is directing the topic. I don't do well when it feels like I'm the one who's supposed to maintain the conversation. I feel like I'm supposed to ask questions but for some reason I don't. A lot of the time I simply can't think of anything to ask, at least not anything I'll actually be interested in hearing the answer. Also if I'm uninterested it's hard to fake it since my mind tends to gravitate away from topics that bore me. A lot of times I just go completely blank.

talks to inform, comand, or for inquries