Eye contact

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I have never had any trouble with eye contact. I think I learned that paying attention and eye contact goes hand in hand at a young age. If I don't look at someone when they are talking to me I tend to go back to 'the movies in my mind'. Because I can't multitask, if another person is doing something or not looking at me while I am talking to them, I generally assume that they are not paying attention.

I'm like a lot of you guys. I try to look at someone while they're talking (even though I usually look at their nose or forehead, not their eyes), but as soon as I start to talk, I look at the ground or the wall. I only fleetingly glance at them.

I didn't even realize I didn't make eye contact, until I realized I never knew what color peoples' eyes were. I don't even know what color my mom's eyes are! lol

this is a real tough one for me as well. I basically look at their face but i dont stare and then try my best to concentrate on the conversation. it is tough to do but looking away i feel creates an image of disinterest.
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I've started paying a lot more attention to my eye contact since I discovered this BBS and noticed some odd things.

With most people I can manage just a quick glance now and then. With some people my eye gaze during conversations is almost up to normal standards. Those are mostly people I have known for a long time (many years). And then there's the worst case, which is when I glance up at someone and there's something about their eyes that makes it very difficult for me to look away until they break the lock. That always leaves me a little freaked out, not to mention embarassed. (I guess it's my fear of that irresistable gaze that keeps me from looking at most people.) I can't figure out what is so different about them that they should have that effect on me. It's not an attraction in the conventional or sexual sense. I think it's more related to the intensity of their gaze. I can only compare it to a "tractor beam".

The other thing I've discovered is that I get the same way when I look at photographs of people who were staring right into the lens when the picture was taken. For example, yesterday I was reading the newspaper and there was a 4-page article about a woman with autism (it's the new hot topic in journalism). There were several pics on each page, but one of them (a 1/4-page head-shot of her staring into the camera ) affected me so much I had to cover it with my hand or else I wouldn't have been able to make it through the page.

I'd say the one major flaw in my eye contact arsenal is when people start talking to me when I'm not expecting it - I always instinctively look down and away from them when surprised and then have great difficulty forcing the start of eye contact from that state (doesn't generally endear you to people......). I always find I need to mentally "prepare" for a few seconds before starting the arduous process to be able to do it right.

I find it hard to look people in the eyes too long. During a conversation, I look a lot on other things, hair or anything nearby. I try to force myself to look into the eyes of people I know it would be totally inapropriate not to look back at, but it feels like trying to make jelly stay in place. And it makes me feel like I am a little child being guilty of something. Or I fear that they think I have something to hide, because when you don't look in to peoples eyes it's often taken as a sign of lying.

I am very fascinated with eyes, and sometimes I have to stare. I don't know why. Most of the time it is when I am passing by people I don't know at all in the street. But not for a long time.

I have problem with eye contact as well.It just hurts me when I look nito another's eyes.But here's a trick I learned:If you are ever supposed to look someone in the eye and you just can't do it,tilt your head slightly down and look them at the bottom line (like where you put your eyeliner) of the eye.WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME! just make sure you do it right.

Someone on another forum suggested something along the same lines: look at their eyebrows. To most normal people, it's completely indistinguishable from actual eye contact!

Well,it works for me!

I've heard this too but most times when I try it, I feel the same way as I do when I'm avoiding their eyes. That is, I feel like they know I'm trying not to make eye contact. I guess I just don't believe it can look the same as actually making eye contact. Maybe I'll get my wife to test it out with me and I will feel better about it.

*applauds*

my son hadproblems with eye contact. He used to say it hurt to look someone in the eye. I taught him to look at their cheek instead. That way he was more comfortable and the person he was talking to felt more comfortable too. He said it worked at the time. Dont know if it does now.

Going back and replying to an earlier post from the thread...

Yep, that basically describes me. Forcing myself to maintain eye contact takes my concentration away from what a person's saying-- and with my auditory processing issues, I have to concentrate quite a bit to figure out what someone's saying.

yep - me too. i actually find that i don't look at people when i'm talking to them, and DO look at them when they're talking (typical - even my AS is contrary). however, i'm very shortsighted (in one eye), and so they're just fuzzy blurs unless they're really close (and anyone who come within the "Vivi Exclusion Zone", as my friends call it, will know about the AS anyway). i expect this makes it easier. i only wear my glasses for computing and driving, so it would be an interesting experiment to see what would happen to my level of eye contact if i wore them talking to other people. don't think i'll bother, though.

btw, TAFKASH - "gotten"? thank you, but no. tsk, tsk.

Last edited by vetivert on 07 Dec 2005, 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I find it a huge strain. I reserve by best efforts for things like talking to my boss at work etc.

I also find it easier to be working at the computer while talking to people at work ~ there is an excuse for not looking if you are busy doing something else as well.

Driving is better for me ~ I find that I can talk to people sitting next to me in the car easier because I never have to look because I am driving.

Also, like vetivert, I find that removing my glasses makes things much easier as it reduces people to blurd blobs and they are then much easier to deal with. Trouble is at work I find I am walking past people without recognising them.

I do that even with my glasses on. Sometimes it bugs me when (what seems like) complete strangers know me by name and I only barely recognize their face....