Responding to "Hi, How Are You?"

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Completely don't understand the "Hi, How are You?" question. Especially at places like the supermarket or library where your supposed to say, "Fine thanks, how are you?" or "Fine Thanks" if you don't want to loop the verbal fluff.

I nearly hugged the Cashier who once responded back to the customer in front of me in line, "Really not that great, I can't wait to get out of here!" It was such an honest admission. Hurrah for emotional integrity!

"I'm doing good, thankyou" is brilliant! I never thought of that as a way out..

I've gotten into the habit of responding to this stuff in the default way. It's boring, and occasionally frustrating (why do you ask when we're rapidly passing along a corridor in opposite directions..? I don't get time to respond at all!) but ultimately it's better to be read as someone with basic manners. People are more likely to be helpful if you acknowledge these things rather than just ignoring them.

You know what's funny was that I had a manager get on me at Disney World (I was working in the Costuming department for the cast members) because I was being honest with a customer that I wasnt well and under stress.

First off it wasnt really a customer...it was a park employee who was coming in to check out a costume. I tried to argue this with the manager. First off, I was stressed because she screwed me over by having me work a shift for several hours with only two other (and very incompetent) people while the rest of staff was off at a party. We were very swarmed during the hours that most of the staff was gone. I wish I had gotten on her about how unfair that was but I was afraid she would fire me on the spot for doing so. If she knew that this party was going on, she could've had the decency to call in a few more people to work for those few hours and help us out.

This is why I think half of this NT social communication stuff is stupid. It's bad enough that I have to struggle with the concept of why you have to say "how are you" back, but now I'm not allowed to even answer the question honestly when asked?! !!

Screw NTs!! !

The cashier was making a light hearted joke about her shift almost being over and the shared experience of work being work and not life. I think what might be the difference here in accordance with her boss, who was nearby, was that it wasn't personal it was relational. An experience we all feel at work and near the end of a shift.

If she was telling me about her personal life it would make me feel uncomfortable as a customer. I don't know how to deal with intense emotional or personal topics with people I'm close with never mind a complete stranger. Much more uncomfortable than just a generic greeting.

In your situation it sounds like you were trying to stand up for your rights. Your boss was using you and not respecting your rights not to be worked like a slave. You spoke up and they didn't like the dissent. An always dangerous situation.

Out of curiosity do Disney park employees operate within a union structure?

I usualy ignore them (I was tought not to talk to strangers). I find it rude and threatning. How dare they interput my thoughts and put me into fight or flight mode. I don't know you and you don't know me. When people approch me, I automaticaly assume it's do me harm so I never answer them. I can't stand "touchy feely" or "friendly" people.

Ok here's the deal, if someone you don't know says hi to you, just say hi back even if you're nervious.

If it's a friend it should be easy to say hello. If they ask how you're doing, then you just say fine, on the other hand if they notice if you're having a bad day, tell them the truth but more like this:

I was at the grocery store and someone bought the last carton of milk.

I know it's lame but bare with me here. There is nothing wrong with being concerned with strangers, but you don't want to make it look like you're suspicous, you just smile and say "hi!"

And another thing, I have a problem with speaking a forgein language by mistake with my parents when I forget that they only know English. But you don't necisarly want to say hello in another language unless that person knows it or if that person is your family/friends. But don't say it in another language to strangers if you think they might not know English or whatever langauge you speak. Techneically if you're in America English is mostly spoken so the gold is to say hello in English, not in another language unless you say, "Here is how you say hello in "so-and-so".

I watched a stand up of Ellen Degeneres from a few years ago. And in it
she joked about how when people ask "How are you?" you just reply "I'm good." Cuz they don't really care, that they're just being polite or it's a common greeting that has lost its meaning a looong time ago. And then she said how some people say "Pretty good." And we shouldn't say "Pretty good." cuz then oh wow "PRETTY good?" something happened? Yeah I don't really care.
Crude, yes, if you think about it. But it's all to be "polite." So might as well be "polite" back.

Zorry to butt in, I know we don't know each other
I had to say this:

Same Here! I don't even answer when some stranger
tries to talk to me, I hug my Tigger and back away
or run if they try to follow me.

If it is someone that is a "service person" at a
grocer or a police or fire then I can trus them
enough to talk to them but not just anyone
off the street that I have know info on, I will
run away.

I don't know...I think there is nothing bad being polite, however I find ''hi, how are you'' quite difficult...I always have difficulty stopping the blush...cos I don't feel comfortable answering cos I know they don't really care...and it actually makes me think....that on some level they are joking asking me this question..it's very awkward sometimes...actually very often. I also have problems in school...for example if teacher asks me a question and even if i know the answer i blush because i feel that when asnwering I look stupid and kids make fun of me...maybe this has smth to do with the fact that I underwent some awful humilation in school..i don't know, at the moment I started to contorl the blush thing..but instead now my hands are always shaking if I pick a cup in from of people and intend to drink it...god help me!! !

I used to tell people how I'm genuinely feeling, but I have the feeling that they don't really care, and that they were only asking "Hi, how are you?" out of politeness.

These days, I give a simple response to acknowledge them saying something to me, so I say "I'm fine/good, thanks!".

If it seems false it's because it IS false.

They don't care about how you are anymore that you care how they are. It's not sincere. It's just protocol.
If you're more than an acquaintance, if you consider yourself a friend of the person you're speaking to, you ask how they are.

It's assumed they will say "fine, you?"
or
"Arright, what's up?"
or
"life is sucking, what are u doing?"
or
"'bout to got to class, where are u going?"

It doesn't mean you care, exactly, but it shows respect for a person whom you consider a friend. If you actually start talking about your feelings or how you are doing, they'll be unnerved. They don't care just like you don't.

You can even keep walking to class as you say this. No need to stop.

It's like giving a tip in a restaurant; it's just expected, and you don't want to seem rude, so you do it.

However acting like you can't take three seconds to answer them because you need to get to class is rude. They need to get to class too. They know you need to get to class. But they saw a friend, and they aren't going to pretend they didn't see you by ignoring you. They expect the same courtesy back.

A five second "I'm good, but I'm late for class, I'll talk to you later bro"
will settle it all.

It doesn't mean they specifically don't care how you are. They are simply acknowledging your presence.

I respond with "fine, you?"

Even though I KNOW I am supposed to say "fine, and you?" every time someone says "hi, how are you?" I always get caught by surprise and state whatever it is that I am feeling at the moment. I was at the bank today and I answered "sleepy". I am not stupid by any means, but somehow can't seem to bring myself to say something I am not, such as fine. Unless I am really fine, which in my case would sound more like "GREAT!"

go figure

I really hate this question because my innate negativity always shines through and I answer with either "not bad" if I'm feeling ok, or "not great" if I'm feeling less than ok and actually feel like sharing that with whoever asked. I don't know why I can't just say "good" or "bad" but instead have to turn it into a negative response every time. And immediately after I answer with one of those two (especially the first) I always spend some time in my head chastising myself for saying it again because I'm trying to be a more positive person and that one little response just keeps popping up and won't change!

I know for a fact I'm putting too much thought into it, but it's one of those things that really bothers me, especially at my new work place where I'd love to come across as something more than the depressed, negative, pessimistic person I usually come across as. Not that they'd judge me on one response to one insignificant question, but it still bothers me. Less so since I've heard that they actually love me at work, but still it bothers me every time.

I learned to feign interest and to respond to feigned interest - when it comes to "how are you" and variations.

However when someone "what's up"s or "what's new"'s me, I give a random, short, ret*d response. For example: "The date. The date is new."

To their response to that, I give another, equally confusing response. And so it goes on, until they go "No I mean what's going on in your life ? Anything new and exciting ?"

At that point there's a 50% chance of me replying with "Yeah, I slept with your mom".

Classy is my middle name.