Bad Manners?

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First off, I just wanted to say that this is my first post. I came across this site a few weeks ago and think it is fantastic. I was diagnosed with high functioning Asperger's and ADHD about a year ago at age 20 after trying for a decade to figure out what the hell was "wrong" with me, and it's great to find a place like this where I feel amongst others like me, when I have felt so out of place my entire life...

Anyways, I just wanted to get some input on this subject. I know for many people with Asperger's, many of societies rules can be extremely frustrating and hard to follow. One of my biggies would be "manners". In particular, I am a bit pissed off at the moment because I just sat down to eat dinner with my Mom, her boyfriend and my sister. I have a "bad habit" of eating extremely quickly. Not obnoxiously or noisy mind you, but just extremely fast. I say I "inhale" my food. However, I find nothing wrong with it. I don't make a mess, I don't make noises or act oblivious to the fact that there are others gracing my presence, I just like my food and I like to consume it rather quickly. I never, ever comment on how others eat or dine because quite frankly, I don't give a crap. As long as you don't touch my food, you're cool with me.

However, I sat down to eat with them about an hour ago and started eating rather quickly as usual. My mom's boyfriend, who was sitting across the table from me, stopped eating and started simply staring at me, which at the time I did not realize, because I was eating my food instead of JUDGING how other people were eating theirs. He asked "A little hungry tonight?" with a chuckle. I looked up at him and said "Yes, aren't you?" and kept eating, trying to give him a hint. But, being the bafoon that he is, he said "Well you're eating a bit fast" to which I replied, "Why do you care how I'm eating? I always eat fast. Why are you choosing to comment on it at this particular moment?" to which he suddenly must have realized he offended me and didn't really know to say except for that I shouldn't eat so fast. I became angry and uncomfortable and left the table, telling everyone that I don't appreciate their opinions on how I eat because I never, ever comment on their bad habits and I expect the same in return.

Guys, I realize everyone is different and everyone has their own ideas of right and wrong, polite and rude, blah blah blah. But my point is, I have a strict rule I hold myself to: That is something is simply an "opinion" and doesn't negatively impact anyone, then it is WRONG and RUDE to impose the opinion on anyone. I try my best to hold myself to this standard and thus get upset when others do not. I can completely understand if someone is doing something that clearly negatively impacts someone, speaking up and against it is the right thing to do. But in my opinion, I wasn't being rude. I don't care at all what society says, because society is, well, overrated and annoying. Just because society says eating fast is rude doesn't make it true. It's an OPINION, not a FACT. Which means it's not TRUE or RIGHT, it's simply an opinion.

What do you guys think? Was I being rude? Or should my mom's boyfriend learn to mind his own business and keep his trap shut? Thanks!

I would say that it was none of this person's business how you were eating. If anyone was to make a comment, it should have been your mother. I am assuming this took place at her home and not this boyfriend's?

I think you should relax, however. From your description I believe the guy was not really criticizing you. He was just shocked at your eating habits. He didn't continue to make a big issue out of it, did he? I drive my wife crazy, not because I eat fast (my son does though) but because I eat one thing at a time. I'm not sure why. I just eat all of each item on my plate one at a time. I've never figured out why it bothers her so much either and we've been married almost 20 years.

One of the things we all need to do is learn to temper our responses. I am short many times when I shouldn't be. I also can seem very rude and nasty when I don't mean to at all.

Next time, if something like this happens again, just take a breath and say that this is just how you eat and that you've never really thought about it all that much. You might also want to slow your eating down. Learn to enjoy the taste of things (if you can). There are other reasons to eat slower that have to do with digestion and your brain realizing that you are full.

Yeah, he was rude and should have kept his moiuth shut.

There are those that think themselves better than others, and they need to be farted upon. Those who need to correct others are a bunch of racistist bigots. Who cares if one eats fast or one food item at a time? I don't! I too have had people comment on my particular habits, and I too have become angry. I don't blame you. It is extremely irritating to deal with these polydactyl wombats.

There are other habits that'll get me irriated when someone comments. I urge all to educate others that comment on your habits in the negative. Tell them that it's none of their business and to frak off.

Rudeness begits rudeness.

/rant

I tend to eat very quickly as well. My mom and others tell me to slow down because they say it's better for digestion. Mostly I ignore it, or tell them I need something to read because if I'm reading, I'll eat a lot more slowly. But then of course I'm told it's 'rude' to read at the table.

Yeah this guy, he shoulda quit while he was ahead. He's only your mom's BF after all, it's not like he's your dad.

Sounds like you were overreacting to me. From the way you described the situation, it didn't sound like he was criticizing you, just making a light observation.