Why can't I say, what I really want to say?

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Aspie-B
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29 Jan 2010, 1:46 am

My wife baked me an apple pie once.
I told her, "My brother likes apple pies".
She asked me why I was not eating it.
I told her, "I don't like pie crust".

So the next time my wife baked me a kind of Apple Bread.
I told her, "My dad would like this, its kind of like a banana bread. He likes banana bread."
Again, She asked me why I was not eating it.
I hesitated and said, "Honestly, I don't like the taste of warm apples."

Why do I say "Someone else would like it.", when in fact I don't like it.
Why can't I just say "Thank you for baking me an apple pie. However, I am sorry I dont like the feeling of warm apples in my mouth"?

I feel like I have the social skills of a child.



x-celevision
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29 Jan 2010, 2:34 am

Aspie-B wrote:
My wife baked me an apple pie once.
I told her, "My brother likes apple pies".
She asked me why I was not eating it.
I told her, "I don't like pie crust".

So the next time my wife baked me a kind of Apple Bread.
I told her, "My dad would like this, its kind of like a banana bread. He likes banana bread."
Again, She asked me why I was not eating it.
I hesitated and said, "Honestly, I don't like the taste of warm apples."

Why do I say "Someone else would like it.", when in fact I don't like it.
Why can't I just say "Thank you for baking me an apple pie. However, I am sorry I dont like the feeling of warm apples in my mouth"?

I feel like I have the social skills of a child.


This was a very adult-like action! You were just trying not to be rude! Children tend to blirt out their feelings with little thought as to what the results might be.You obviously, at the time, were unable to think of a "pleasant" way to say you don't like the taste of warm apples, so you just sort of gave hints. Of course then later on you thought of the perfect thing to say well after the fact... I do this all the time out of my efforts to be non-offensive and keep drama to a minimum.


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crownarmourer
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29 Jan 2010, 3:29 am

OK well learn to lie a little as you are hurting peoples feelings or just eat the dratting thing. Being too honest or literal is not a good thing.



Aspie-B
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29 Jan 2010, 5:12 am

I have a poor memory. I forgot some details.

I vaguly remember a third dish involved, probably an Apple Fritter. So it took 3 different apple related deserts over 3 days in a row, until I finally told her that I don't like eating warm apples.



Salonfilosoof
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29 Jan 2010, 7:33 am

Aspie-B wrote:
My wife baked me an apple pie once.
I told her, "My brother likes apple pies".
She asked me why I was not eating it.
I told her, "I don't like pie crust".

So the next time my wife baked me a kind of Apple Bread.
I told her, "My dad would like this, its kind of like a banana bread. He likes banana bread."
Again, She asked me why I was not eating it.
I hesitated and said, "Honestly, I don't like the taste of warm apples."

Why do I say "Someone else would like it.", when in fact I don't like it.
Why can't I just say "Thank you for baking me an apple pie. However, I am sorry I dont like the feeling of warm apples in my mouth"?

I feel like I have the social skills of a child.


I agree with x-celevision. This is actually the right thing to say. Explicitly saying "I don't like it" is considered offensive, whereas your indirect approach is a nice try to be honest without being blunt :wink:



Janissy
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29 Jan 2010, 8:32 am

I think you said the right thing and handled this beautifully. When you told your wife that your Dad and brother would enjoy what she cooked, you let her know that she is a good cook. Not everybody likes everything and every cook knows this. You made it clear that she is a good cook (because people who like warm apples would like it) but you just personally don't like warm apples regardless of who cooks them.

Nicely done. :heart:



sketches
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29 Jan 2010, 1:33 pm

...Despite what the others are saying, I think you should be honest with your wife, as you admittedly were on the third day of apple desserts. There is no reason hide the truth, even if saying it would hurt her feelings. If anything, it would help you both and it would prevent future mix-ups.

But my advice is coming from a female, and maybe you guys know better regarding what to say to wives. Maybe!

sketches



Aspie-B
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29 Jan 2010, 8:26 pm

sketches wrote:
There is no reason hide the truth, even if saying it would hurt her feelings. If anything, it would help you both and it would prevent future mix-ups.


This is exactly how she feels. The above story took place before I knew about Aspergers Syndrome. I asked her about the details last night and she said it took place over 6 months. And I remember saying "I dont like Pie Crust" too. Its like I can not say what I really want to say, something else comes out.

Another example. I was at a restraunt last week with her. I wanted to order an Orange Juice. I kept asking her "Would you like a Grape Fruit juice?", "Would you like a Lemonaide?", "Would you like a Ginger Ale?". And she asked me "Are you being Autistic?". I stopped and thought about it. "Yes, I think I am being Autistic. I would like a Glass of Orange Juice, but I don't know how to tell you."

She really wants me to be honest with her always and tell her what I am thinking otherwise she has no idea what I really want.