What IMPORTANT features does someone look for in a friend?

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When people make friends, what is it that they look for in a friend? Do they look for style/attire, personality, intelligence, manners, attractiveness or what?
Many people around me have been respecting me as an nice, intelligent, handsome, young man. But still I could never socially connect to them or make best friends?
Once again, what important attributes does someone look for in a friend?

ahhh the old aspie trick of trying to analyse what a friends criteria is then modify your behaviour to fit that criteria...........aspies find friendships hard to make and maintain because we are aspei and we dont do the emotional resonance thing that nt's need.
sometimes it may be easier to accept this before trying first

Personally, I look for tolerance, thoughtfulness, and a high level of self-awareness. I think people look for people who are like themselves, people in whom they see qualities they see and like in themselves, a reflection of themselves. What do you like about yourself?

Good question...I've talked about this with my friends, and we came to the conclusion that we were friends because none of us had a "scene", and we stuck together because we were some of the few "sceneless" people at our school. I can buy that...I have almost nothing in common with a lot of my best friends, except for the fact that we have shared experiences and enjoy spending time together. If knowing someone is more fun than work, or if they enrich your life in some way (doesn't really matter what way), I think they're good friend material. And they need a sense of humour. If they don't have one, we're probably not going to get past the first conversation.

One criteria:

People who tolerate me.


I'm not in any kind of position to be picky.



As for good friends, the criteria are expanded to tolerance and trust. How trust is obtained is different in each scenario.

Trust is also very rare. Right now there are only three people I would call good friends, and I haven't seen two of them in about two and a half months.

Some one i can talk about the interests i have and who isn't bothered by my often strange behaviour. That's what i look for in a close friend. Good conversation will do for aquaintances and the like.

Compassion, tolerance, patience and understanding.

all i want is someone not superficial, gossipy, and someone who can accept me for who i am, and look past my looking dumb or insecure sometimes. its hard tho.

I think people look for somebody who shares some of their interests when looking for a friend. They also want somebody to pay attention to them, to listen to them. They want to be with somebody that makes them feel good when they are together. They want a friend who gives back as well as takes. A friend shares good times as well as bad ones.
I always tell my AS son if you are with somebody, and you feel insecure or bad about yourself when you are with them, then you shouldn't be with them. If somebody just uses you as a shoulder to cry on, but is never supportive of you, and is never happy, then you shouldn't be with them.

Pink

emotional resonance, ok
non aspie people get a buzz, or a feeling or a resonance from interaction with each other.
the insane banter that drives us aspies mad they get a kick out of it and they resonate in their amygdala region of he brain it fires off and re-enforces the "feeling" that non aspies get by allowing the release of endorphins and other neurotrnsmitters, aspies just dont get this and therefore no need to re-enforece these social bonds that nt's get with banter.

After I found my aspie identity (and got my diagnosis about four years ago) , I've got very many new aspie friends. The frieds I had before, were not very different, I've always preferred a little eccentric people, but now I know why.

ffanken

I only look for one thing in a friend and that is that they like me they way I am and do not try to change me.