Asexuality

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I am heterosexual, but sexuality is so complicated that I would LOVE to have friends who are asexual. Can anyone who is asexual tell me what relationships with friends are like with sex out of the picture? Or is it still a struggle because of everyone else's imposing sexuality?

I have the same sort of casual friendships that most people have, I think; except, of course, being an autistic introvert, I didn't get to experience them until the sixth grade, and then not again until college. In those friendships, it's probably about the same thing as a sexual person having friendships; and can get awkward for the same reasons that it might with a sexual person--you want a casual friendship and they want romance, then you have to break it to them that you're not attracted.

There are closer friendships, and that is something I've only experienced once. I guess they're what you'd be calling "best friends"; but it's not quite like the "best friends" you see in high school or whatever; it's more like... I dunno, I don't think English has a word for it. Oddly enough, Japanese seems to--
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Nakama

That sort of thing is probably the closest I can get to "romance"; only there's nothing very romantic about it; more like emotional closeness than any sort of hormonal surge. For that matter, the person you have that sort of friendship with can have a significant other, and it really won't affect the friendship that much, because you're just really happy to see them happy. (Unless they become obsessed with their SO. That can cause problems. But then, it would cause problems for any non-romantic friendship whether or not the friend happened to be asexual.) It can happen to multiple people at the same time (the friendship I mentioned was a group of four females, actually, and the other three were straight women!), and gender doesn't matter. They don't have to be asexual; but if I were to marry someone, they would have to be asexual, and they would have to be that sort of close friend. At the moment, I don't think I'm ready to marry anyone at all, because I'm not ready to live with another person yet.

Some asexuals want romance, and have a "romantic orientation" (gay/straight/bi). I'm not one of them; like I said, if I married someone, they would be a close friend with little romance involved. Some asexuals may even fall in love with a sexual person, and have sex because that's what their partner wants. (This would be the sort of asexual who is ambivalent about sex, not actively repelled.) I'm told it's possible to maintain a relationship like that, though it takes a lot of compromise.

What do you mean by asexual? From what I understand, it's supposed to be like sexual orientation in general, so the controversy would be to say it can be a choice between *sexual and asexual.

If what you mean by asexual is shunning or not pursuing sexual partners / significant others / relationships, then I can honestly say it ain't so bad once you let go of your concern for it. Think of a relationship with your family; no sex even occurs in the dynamic of those relationships (one should hope, anyhow), and the same is true of other relationships when you've resigned yourself to no longer pursuing romance. Personally, I look at it as pursuing the important things in life and not getting hung up by superficiality. Sex and romance never really made me happy, anyhow - it's all too confusing. Yet, I wouldn't call myself asexual because I do still find myself attracted to the opposite sex, I just rarely engage that attraction.

Maybe I should have used the word non-sexual.

That is interesting. I like that because of the differences between the people and the commitment they have to one another. I have a pleasant feeling about certain work associates with whom I share similar work ethics and who contribute to mutual projects with enthusiasm, even though our characters are very divergent. It is like extreme mutual respect, I suppose and it feels exciting but reassuring.

I have also often had difficulty in distinguishing between a passionate attraction to someone, and a passionate sexual attraction; and it concerned me that I should be feeling so strongly mostly towards men, since I am committed (in marrying way) to one specific man. All through my life I found that the best way to deal with it was simply to wait until it wears off, otherwise it can become complicated and waste a lot of mental/emotional energy. When I finally felt the same feeling very strongly for a woman with whom I have many things in common, I was greatly relieved and I felt more certain that this feeling wasn't necessarily a crush after all, because although I wanted to hold her and comfort her and treat her tenderly, I did not want to touch her in a sexual way. I don't really know what it is called, but I still think it would be hard to explain to a partner in a monogamous sexual relationship, because the feeling is sometimes very strong.

People who don't talk about sexuality talks about video games and computer games

Since people don't usually have sex with their friends, I don't understand how having an asexual friend would be different from having a friend of any other orientation. That said, I'm asexual, and I still talk about sexual things with friends sometimes...I just don't have a whole lot to contribute to the conversation myself. Personally, I tend to be a loyal friend because dating isn't a priority for me, so I put my friends first. However, that's not to say all asexuals are good friends. I'd think our friendship abilities vary just as much as anyone else's.

And philosophy, and religion, and politics, and social science, and physical science, and life...

And anime and cartoons. Don't forget about them.

I'm asexual as well. I am neither homosexual or hetrosexual. I also find hugging and kissing just as repulsive as intercourse. Maybe my meerkat special intrests took up all the avalable space in my brain so there is no longer any room for relationships.

While I'm not asexual, I have an aversion to "relationships" since it is physically and mentally draining to be in one.

I need long periods of contemplation where I am not being bothered by other peoples' demandsfor attention and need for control and desire to get others to change to meet their needs. I can't stand the idea of living with someone.

Sex...that's fine.

Sex is sex...love is love...and every man for himself!

asexual as in, it only takes one to reproduce, or I dont feel a thing for any gender?