A friend's abusive girlfriend trying to manipulate me.

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I had recently signed onto facebook and had a message from a girlfriend who is living with another friend of mine. I had added her back in January and I saw nothing wrong with having contact with her. Recently though, I had gotten together with my friend and then another friend whom I consider a brother but her she was not there with us. Yet, I had discovered some things about her that were aggressive, controlling, manipulative as well as abusive. For instance, she got mad and accused my friend because of not including her in playing disc golf when she had clearly said, " No," in the first place due to babysitting a family member. She had also called my other friend's phone several times when pulling this and even manipulated him by telling him that she could not cook dinner since we went out to dinner and there was nothing in the house and would then abruptly hang up. So, we brought her some buffalo wings when bringing my friend home and we even went in to hang out at the house and tried to talk to her but she was standing at the door ready to pounce when I opened the door.

She said, " I don't want any company, (Turning to her boyfriend) and you're not coming in the f*&%$ house." She then slammed the door in all three of our faces. We then opened the door again and giver her the wings which she grabbed with out saying thank you and then took them into her bedroom and slamming that door.

Due to this behavior, I decided to remove her from facebook which was two months ago right after she showed her true colors. However,she recently sent me a message on facebook in wanting to re-add me. She had accused me, "Why did you remove me are you mad at me?" Finally, I am also throwing a party this weekend and I only invited my friend and not her since she abuses him like that and mistreats all of his friends. She also asked, "Am I invited to you party?" So, I felt put on the spot by having to add her and sent me several instant messages that were childish and she continued to accuse me of being mad at her before abruptly signing off.

So I got annoyed and felt like I boundaries were crossed and sent her a PM on facebook telling her that I took her off facebook since she was so eager to push both myself and other friend and out the door, slam it in our faces, and then not say thank you for the wings that we brought her. I also wrote in telling her that she was not invited due to her seen behavior in May and now that she acted childish and demanding with me and that she was acting about 11 and had a lot of growing up to do.

How should I have handled this?

He knows that she locks him out of the house and lets her hit him but he has gotten into the utter comments of, "She loves me," or "I'm used to it." On the way home, my other friend told me that she will yell at him for hours and he will not fight back. She also makes him sleep in his truck at night if she doesn't have her way. I also did try to talk to him on our way to drop him off and his comment was, "Leave my baby alone." So that is when I decided to go down there and observe her behavior and see if he would be locked out of the house because at first, I thought he was joking around. It was when I saw what I did that my other friend told me what she really was like.

Finally, I should also mention that this friend is a new one and so I am getting to know him and this girlfriend and I didn't like this woman for some reason in that I felt like she rubbed me the wrong way. I had even had a previous conversation with my other friend and his parents that they did not like her either and that she was mistreating my friend.

I think you handled the situation as well as you should have been expected to.

If her boyfriend wants to put up with that crap, he's welcome to her, but just because you're his friend doesn't mean that you need to put up with the same treatment.

Honestly, good for you for not being walked over. The only problem is that if she has such a control over him, she may demand he stop seeing you and not attend the party etc etc.... the only advice I can give there is that you try to be as understanding as possible and be there for him when he finally wakes up and puts his foot down.

She does pull that stuff in that he can't go out and have a guy's night with his friends at all because she and her 9-year-old son have to be there at all times..

Well first off: Friendship is not a contract.
You don't need a reason to not be friends with her, or not invite her, etc.
That's your business, so there's no wrong way to handle that.

That being said, it sounds to me like you handled it pretty well.
Your friend would do well to heed your advice. How to convince him
is beyond me. I never was all that good at persuasion.

I think you acted right.

I was out with another close friend this afternoon and I was at his house because he is best friends with this guy and he had a talk with this girl and told her to leave me alone. She made comments behind my back that she basically didn't want to hang out with me either because she thought that I was the one acting stuck up.