Feel excluded from and angery at my family

Post Reply New Topic

Ultimately I wish for a emotional understanding between myself and the wrongplanet community
Which does not include trivializing my thoughts in a negative manner.
Or to challenge my behavior as childish or too trivial to see from my point of view.
And I wish for any useful tips for my current situation (from whatever information can be derived from my post)

The thoughts go like this.

I am in a house with my asian family members just to let you know the setting.
I am not cognitively asian.
But lately I have been feeling a little "ganged up on" by my family members.

I think the causes are this.

MAIN CAUSES
1.My younger cousin,age 14-15 whom we seem to have personality differences and engages in *borderline bullying of me.
1a. Who seems to be able to act in anger or dislike (or whenever she feels like it) against me. While I have no socially acceptable behavior for reciprocating my feelings.
1b.A sense of ageism entitlement that little girls are supposed to be polite to older people.

examples of bullying would be.
1.staring at me on the knowledge that it provokes me.
2.using a rude tune of voice, and using a rude combination of words.
3.A willingness to lie
4.other misc rudeness

Smaller contributing factors
2.A different culture which does not seem to appreciate or accommodate my behavior. (painful truth) (bluntness) (non-politicalness) (other unknown factors)
3.A seeming mutual unwillingness to understand each other.
4.Seeming complete acceptance of social norms of my family members which does not yield itself to compromise or understanding. "It's either my way or the highway"

This entire feeling can be derived from deteriorating disposition between myself and younger cousin. Which could have been prevented, if it was for a increased ability to trivialize annoying behaviors and a clearer understanding of eachother.

Details of escalation.*2
1-2 Month?
status:neutral
Mem:no real negative memories. Or fights.
Possible that she was initially nice however. things didn't go so well

3-4Months?
Status mildly negative
Mem: I remember getting into a bit of an argument where she claimed she had no respect for family harmony. And such (possible misunderstanding?) I proceeded to get very angry and she felt entitled to display her rudness.

4-6Months
Status:borderline resentful
Mem: possibly verbal fights, I try and Impose my will upon her to stop her behavior.

6-8Months
Status: resentful
Mem: She is habitually disrespectful to me and engages in bullying behavoir constantly whenever without guardian supervision.
Additionally my lashes seem to have reduced my aunt's disposition of me (hardcore korean)

8-10Months
Status:hateful
Mem:Most emotional fights, somewhat intense paranoia against her (precieved social competency and rudeness that is excused most of the time.) painful memory forming.

10-12Months
Status: consuming resentments, 20-50% of mental energies consumed
Mem: A believed failure of my morals in one fight. And one of the most painful of them all defeating me in an emotionally charges informal argument,

In months 1-4 there was a opportunity to delay or completely avoid this situation of consuming resentments. I did not take it.
Most of my perceptions are not respected in my family "My little cousin is annoying, could you stop that" especially since the ageism rule does not allow me to make emotionally convincing arguments in my favor.

*This may be typical disrespect shown to elders.
*2 is mostly a summery

While this technical expression may be fitting for my personality, I however will give a ruder. More angry comment that will prehaps more properly express my feelings. Since it seems to be powered more fully by the emotional energies stores within me.

Aunt.

Oh how you seem to be a complete failure of creativity a slave to society's whims and so convinced that it shows the way.
So unwilling to engage in more open-minded behavoir that you shut them out, only to seek attention from those who will appreciate you.
You are no scientist. You will raise no savants, or intellectuals, You will be in the bottom 80% of people in this society, lost forever with it!
You make no attempt to connect with those who will advance yourself.
I hope you. Simply experience as much negative stimulation in your supposed hell equal to the amount of negative stimulation that you have inflicted upon others.

Cousin.

Again I see another slave to societies whims. Consumed with ideas of fashion, looking good, being entertained.
And again I see a unwillingness to engage in open-minded behavoir, shutting out those who question you, never thinking that you could be wrong, so convinced in what you believe to be right that. You seek others like you.
But more embarrassing is that you seem to have no ability to understand yourself, you again are a slave to your mammalian brain the limbic system. And unable to see how it can turn you into something amoral, and personally I hope you end up rejected by this very society that you so value because of it.
Your religion was perhaps one of the first signs of your intellectual incompetence. Was your belief in this supposed "god" that you believe like some kind of bedtime story. To the letter, and yet, you seem a hypocrite of your own beliefs. How laughable! And pathetic.
And again your stupidity does not stop there, you fail to understand the rules by which intellectualism thrives. Thus you not only are stupid yourself, but you also make everyone around you stupid! When society advances, I hope I see you bring down those whom might be able to save themselves, to truly damn yourself to your own moral self-esteem.

Brother.

I don't feel obligated to say much against you.
I remember assaulting you when I was young, I still will use that to hold my disagreements against you.
However your inability to see from different people's perspectives is upsetting at times. Particularly mine.
And your seeming preference of people's opinion of you over gaining information and knowledge, intelligence from them is a little disappointing, however. You are thee most empathetic to my plights. And for that, I guess no resentments against you.


I feel better after my rants.
However my limbic system desires attention to it.
Which is a little destructive.

I can relate to feeling as if being ganged up on by family members.