How can i seem normal?

Post Reply New Topic

One problem i really have is when i meet new people i get really socially awkward. I usually dont sit there, avoid eye contact, and when i do speak what i say usually doesnt come out how i want it to. I then get looked at weird as if im either crazy or a freak. I then get really uncomfortable and get even more awkward and upset and usually i end up crying. Is there any way i can seem somewhat normal so i dont feel uncomfortable? (i really didnt know how to word this so i hope it makes sence)

Nope, not really. You'll gradually get better as you get older, but you're always going to stand out as at least slightly 'different'. AS starts affecting you the minute you draw your first breath and makes the wiring in your brain different than the norm. Unless Jesus shows up and puts his hands on your head, you are who you are and its not going to change much. However, being different is not always such a bad thing. The great innovators in human culture have always been a little different in one way or another. Personally, I couldn't stand being like the commoners, they're so...common.

That said, you will become more and more comfortable handling social situations as you slowly pick up coping mechanisms, and unfortunately the only way to do that is to put yourself out there and deal with social situations until you start to feel better about them. You'll probably never feel totally relaxed in those situations - for most of us, socializing wears us out mentally and physically, so much so that we need plenty of solitude and alone time after to decompress - but by doing it over and over, you'll develop some immunity to those feelings of awkwardness and that alone will make you come across as more confident. When you're no longer concerned about seeming different, people will be able to sense your confidence and they'll respond more positively to that.

Aspies that have been through social training seem to indicate that it helped them. The problem is that I think its only for young kids. Basically, you need someone to be brutally honest about your quirks, point them out, and fix them. Most NT's just look the other way or react negatively without telling you what the problem was.

One thing I have learned to do when that awkward silence hits is to ask a question about them. To me it has always seemed truly odd how much personal information people will give out and how long they will speak about themselves. I now always try to go into a situation with a set of questions in my head to ask (sort of like a reporter preparing for an interview). This usually works for me long enough to get through the situation, however I then feel fake and unfulfilled by the social interaction because I never got to share much of anything and I usually don't care what they had to say because it was not based on any facts or reason and no enlightenment was obtained from either party.
I know that last sentence was callused and maybe narcissistic, and I do really hate myself that I feel that way.