This guy gets angry because I won't hangout with him

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TheMatador
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19 Aug 2010, 10:26 pm

n4mwd wrote:
TheMatador wrote:
So should I just completely ignore this guy or what? Because I'm leaning towards doing exactly that.

On any kind of e-chatter like facebook, yes, ignore him. But if he clls you, go ahead and let him know why.

Its sad, but no one should be friends with someone who lies to them. Its bad enough if you caught him lying to other people, but when he lies to you, any trust you had for him is violated. You can't be friends with someone you don't trust.

I don't know him, but he could also be pathological which is a mental disorder. Or he could also be delusional and actually believe all these grandiose things he says. Delusional is a mental disorder and if I remember right, is related to schizophrenia. I once met a delusional guy in a nut house that I worked in that thought he was Dr. Martin Luther King. The problem for him was that the real MLK was a black guy who died many years ago. The delusional guy was a white guy who was still alive. But even still, the guy really believed it and would pass a lie detector test.

Both pathological liars and delusionals will pass lie detector tests, but pathologicals actually know that they are lying whereas delusionals actually believe its true.


I'd say he is pathological because he actually goes about his day to day business knowing and participating in reality, also he is quite good at lying and overall pressuring and tricking people. I figure his latest dramatic outburst is due to the fact that he is not getting his way.



ToughDiamond
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20 Aug 2010, 5:23 am

n4mwd wrote:
Its sad, but no one should be friends with someone who lies to them. Its bad enough if you caught him lying to other people, but when he lies to you, any trust you had for him is violated. You can't be friends with someone you don't trust.

In this context I think you're right, though I've reluctantly come to believe that not all lying is evil enough to warrant ending the friendship. I have a friend who is still deceiving me about something very scary that she did - I believe the reason is that she thinks I'd keep away from her if I knew. Also it was illegal and she hasn't known me long enough to feel confident that I'd never grass her up to the cops. She's also hidden a couple of things from me because of (I guess) embarrassment. But I'm not about to ditch her......she walked through the rain last night to come and see me, and got soaked......I had to insist she borrowed a coat so she could get home again without another soaking. Not all lies are wicked lies. So far, she's done me a lot more good than harm. Of course it does make me skeptical about whether or not to believe her when she tells me something, and I wonder what else she's done that she's not telling me about - objectively her credibility had to take something of a nose-dive, so I'm suspicious and would take steps to limit any damage she might do to me, but I am most definitely still her friend, and that won;'t change unless she hurts me a lot more than she already has.



n4mwd
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20 Aug 2010, 6:35 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
In this context I think you're right, though I've reluctantly come to believe that not all lying is evil enough to warrant ending the friendship. I have a friend who is still deceiving me about something very scary that she did - I believe the reason is that she thinks I'd keep away from her if I knew. Also it was illegal and she hasn't known me long enough to feel confident that I'd never grass her up to the cops. ...


Self preservation lies are different from the ones matador was reporting. However, if this girl doesn't want you to know about her brush with the law then she should just say "I don't want to talk about it" and you should respect that. Also, in some cases, if she told you she committed a serious crime and you didn't report her, then you are an accomplice. So by lying to you, she is protecting you as well.

The kind of lies that matador's friend told were grandiose lies for the purpose of bettering his own self interests. And apparently, it was not an isolated single event either.



ToughDiamond
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20 Aug 2010, 10:32 am

n4mwd wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
In this context I think you're right, though I've reluctantly come to believe that not all lying is evil enough to warrant ending the friendship. I have a friend who is still deceiving me about something very scary that she did - I believe the reason is that she thinks I'd keep away from her if I knew. Also it was illegal and she hasn't known me long enough to feel confident that I'd never grass her up to the cops. ...


Self preservation lies are different from the ones matador was reporting. However, if this girl doesn't want you to know about her brush with the law then she should just say "I don't want to talk about it" and you should respect that. Also, in some cases, if she told you she committed a serious crime and you didn't report her, then you are an accomplice. So by lying to you, she is protecting you as well.

What she did led to her not turning up for an important meeting....she'd let us down before by not arriving, so she probably felt she had to tell us something or we'd have just thought she'd stopped caring. And as you say, she was protecting us as well.

Quote:
The kind of lies that matador's friend told were grandiose lies for the purpose of bettering his own self interests. And apparently, it was not an isolated single event either.

Yes, totally different. Not white lies at all......



TheMatador
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20 Aug 2010, 1:18 pm

ToughDiamond wrote:
n4mwd wrote:
Its sad, but no one should be friends with someone who lies to them. Its bad enough if you caught him lying to other people, but when he lies to you, any trust you had for him is violated. You can't be friends with someone you don't trust.

In this context I think you're right, though I've reluctantly come to believe that not all lying is evil enough to warrant ending the friendship. I have a friend who is still deceiving me about something very scary that she did - I believe the reason is that she thinks I'd keep away from her if I knew. Also it was illegal and she hasn't known me long enough to feel confident that I'd never grass her up to the cops. She's also hidden a couple of things from me because of (I guess) embarrassment. But I'm not about to ditch her......she walked through the rain last night to come and see me, and got soaked......I had to insist she borrowed a coat so she could get home again without another soaking. Not all lies are wicked lies. So far, she's done me a lot more good than harm. Of course it does make me skeptical about whether or not to believe her when she tells me something, and I wonder what else she's done that she's not telling me about - objectively her credibility had to take something of a nose-dive, so I'm suspicious and would take steps to limit any damage she might do to me, but I am most definitely still her friend, and that won;'t change unless she hurts me a lot more than she already has.


Of course the obvious difference there was that your friend told lies to protect herself from potential consequences and embarrassment, completely understanding from a social point of view. However, just to tell grandiose and completely unjustified white lies on a constant basis is not, as has been pointed out



ladyrain
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21 Aug 2010, 2:35 am

n4mwd wrote:
Both pathological liars and delusionals will pass lie detector tests, but pathologicals actually know that they are lying whereas delusionals actually believe its true.

I've been thinking that trust in another person is learnt, by an unconscious process, which evaluates another person's words and behaviours against your own values (and hopes, fears, expectations). Aspies might be too inclined to trust before they have really learnt whether they should; or cannot easily re-evaluate an initial impression.

When a liar believes what they are saying, they are actually presenting an emotionally honest state, so there is no difference in their behaviour whether the words are true or not. There are no subtle subliminal 'tells' of dishonesty which could be detected by even the most proficient body language expert.

I think pathological liars are dangerous to know because they honestly believe they have a right to lie whenever it suits them.
A delusional person is most likely to be a danger to themselves.

TheMatador might find it difficult to disassociate from his 'friend', because on an unconscious level he perceives him as honest, even though on a knowledge-based level, he knows that the words are lies. He is 'in two minds' about how to react to the person, because he cannot easily tip the balance one way or another. Breaking off contact still leaves that unresolved.



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21 Aug 2010, 9:32 am

Yes, ignore him! It sounds like he was just using you anyways. No real friend does this.


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TheMatador
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21 Aug 2010, 2:05 pm

Kelpie wrote:
Yes, ignore him! It sounds like he was just using you anyways. No real friend does this.


My question is what is he using me for then?



TheMatador
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21 Aug 2010, 8:48 pm

and he sent me another friend request on FB, after I just denied him.



n4mwd
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21 Aug 2010, 10:14 pm

TheMatador wrote:
and he sent me another friend request on FB, after I just denied him.


Block him.



conan
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23 Aug 2010, 4:08 am

if you care about him at all then try to prompt him to explain (try to confront very carefully) his offensive behaviour? i dunno the situation but it probably turns out he is it not worth your effort