Can someone tell me how to deal with this?

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Hi all, long time lurker, first time poster here...

This one particular thing that keeps happening to me is what actually inspiried me to join up and see if anyone else finds this incredibly annoying:

I have noticed that many people, especially my father and his side of the family, do this. They will ask you something, for instance, "Do you want me to get you something to drink?"
And I will respond, "No thank you". But instead of saying "Okay", they will respond with "Are you sure?" and I will say "Nah, I'm fine thanks". And then, "I've got soda, milk, beer..." and I will, yet again respond with, "No. I am not thirsty right now", even giving a subtle hint in my voice that I am starting to become annoyed. Instead of taking the hint, again, it's "Are you sure???"

WHY do so many people do this?? I respect the fact that they're usually just trying to be nice or whatever, but it irks the ever living hell out of me. No means no. Yes means yes. Plain. And. Simple. Just an hour ago, my dad asked me if I wanted to play cribbage with him FIVE TIMES in a row, and I ended up getting slightly angry at him and now feel guilty about it... but what does he expect? That on the 5th time I'm going to say yes?

Why do people do this, and how can I be less annoyed by it/make them understand better than NO MEANS FREAKING NO??? Any commentary is welcome.

Sounds excessive in the cases you described, but in general, I think people feel the need to turn down favors so as not to feel like they are imposing. The offerer expects the person to follow this rule, and so offers again in case the person actually would like a drink or whatever. Then they can feel free to accept.

That being said, it's a shame people don't actually say what they mean. No should mean no, yes mean yes.

Your father loves you and wants to do anything he can for you. He wants to feel that you need him. So when he asks you if he can get you something, say "yes" and let him bring you something to drink sometimes. It's a small gesture and it will make him feel good. When he asked you if you wanted to play cribbage that was his way of saying that he wanted to play cribbage to spend some time with you. If you don't want to play the game then you could suggest a different activity that you could do together. He really just wants to spend time with you. He loves you very much and is just trying to connect with you in his way. Try not to get angry with him, just understand that you both communicate in different ways.

Because of liars who want to pretend they are not imposing. Most people who actually want a drink will say no the first time, even if they do. It's to make themselves look good I suppose. Unfortunately I can mostly only shake my head no over and over, instead of saying "I said NO."

Next time this happens to me, I am going to take the NT person for a "little talk" around the corner and give them the ins and outs that I have AS (as they already know of) and that when I say no I mean no. I may be "different", but listen to me very closely and listen good. That fails, give them a bloody smack and tell them again. They soon get the message.

This is wasteful. Why would you waste a drink just to make someone feel better?

Because your father's feelings are more important than a wasted glass of water. If you don't want to be wasteful, take a sip then use it to water a plant or something. Sometimes we have to confrom to the rules of polite society so we don't hurt other's feelings. Your father loves you and means well, so put forth a little effort once in a while.

Welcome to WP!

Either or both of those possibilities could be true, and the ideal is for both to be true of each of you. The challenge, then, is for the two of you to look for understanding ways to enjoy each other and be there for each other without wearing each other out! But, that can be difficult. I have to "bite my tongue" at times and still "be nice" to my wife even when I have something else (or maybe even nothing at all) going on, and I have to do that while remembering her own thoughts and desires concerning our relatioship are just as strong for her as mine are for me. Healthy relationships cannot exist on one-way streets.

This one is so easy -
It is style, the way people were raised. If they are from the 'old country' etc. it is hospitality to make your 'guest' feel welcome.

Lordy, don't stress this.

Next time just smile, say 'I'm thirsty and would love a glass of water.'
case closed. drink it or not.

I don't think so. It is their fault if their feelings get hurt for being completely illogical in that situation.

When you are dealing with your mother or father you need to make extra allowances than you might normally. Your parents have raised you and loved you for your entire life. They would probably take a bullet for you without thinking about it to save your life. They love you with all of their heart and have sacrificed selflessly to give you the things you need. They love you no matter what you do or say, but please don't take that for granted. If accepting a glass of water makes the man happy then drink the damn water! It's the least you can do.

I really don't understand why you keep saying "they love you with all of their heart." No where in the OP does it say that their parents love them.

Sometimes it's more polite to accept the offer so that they can feel like they're being good hosts. I used to have this problem all the time. Hyrdation is something everyone needs, and even if you just accept water, things are for the best. It's good for you anyway.

Any father who wants to spend time with his son badly enough to ask him 5 times if he would like to play cribbage loves his son very much. Most parents do love their children with all their hearts. Parents usually love their children more than their kids will ever realize.

I think it's because your father knows that you're not like most everyone else and he's worried about it? (And he doesn't seem to know how to deal with it, but unlike some other parents at least he's trying.)

If you don't want him to keep "pestering" you, it would probably help if you start opening up a bit, so instead of letting him ask you if you want this or that, you tell him that you're fine and perhaps share with him how your day has been. Or something like that.

Easier said than done, I know.

Fact is that most of the people function that way. It may be illogical, but you will have to deal with it. Sometimes you have to adapt yourself to social rules, even if you don't think they are right. It's not like the world will explode from a wasted glass of water. How many glasses of water go down the drain when you shower or take a bath?

Simply put, you have two options:
- don't accept the drink: you think you're right, but the other person is not happy an neither are you (hence this topic)
- accept the drink: you don't think it's logical, but the other person is happy about it and that gives an opportunity to 'bond'

So what's it going to be? Still think you're right and making everybody unhappy, or adapt to the social rule and be happy with each other? What is more important for you: 'being right' in your head or making the other person feel good about himself? The other person will not think you're weird for accepting their offer, they are asking for it. They are trying to be nice, but misunderstood. And certainly your parents have put very much effort in to raising you and adapting to your way of functioning (as opposed to NT function, which they are familiar with). Try to be nice once in a while, in the end you will be better off. They are doing the same for you.

That being said, you don't always have to accept a drink or whatever. Just say 'maybe later' and if they insist explain why you find it illogical. That's the way it works: they follow their set of rules and if you don't tell them that and why it annoys you, how can they know? They are from another planet, remember? Don't explode or anything, just explain in easy terms why. Otherwise they may think you're the jerk for yelling if they were only trying to be nice.

It is very hard to accept social rules that you don't understand. But try it, you will see that you're better off in the end. (Does not apply for all social rules, but it does for accepting a drink.)