My friend "James" and I were formerly very close friends. His was a friendship I treasured and loved. Yet due to some things I highly regret doing, it fell apart and I'm not sure how to make things right again.
The thing that I liked the most about James was that he was VERY aspie-like. He was very odd in his mannerisms and how he interacted with others. He was also very sensitive and shy: and openly so. He didn't have many friends. He hated parties and gatherings but could go on and on about film techniques. He'd also get obsessed and "stuck" on very certain and peculiar things: like the Maury Show. He was a film major in the university I formerly went to, and our biggest pastime, was, yes, going to movies together...and I always anticipated the next movie we'd see. He was also close friends with a diagnosed Aspie at my school who was also a film major and just as passionate about the craft as he was: and whenever I went out with them I saw that he was right in his element.
I was close with James for around two years. Yet this spring, I got into some activities that I regretted, and I saw him less and less. I gained a boyfriend and hung out with this raver/alternative crowd: most of the members partied quite a bit and some used drugs. It became a major lifestyle change for me in that the boyfriend (being very egotistical) planned out the parties that he'd drag me to every weekend. This gave me hardly any time at all to see my own friends, especially James as he liked seeing movies in the early afternoon: and usually then I was hung over. I still made plans the odd time though...but each time ended him standing him up. This has happened three times in a row. Each time he'd call and ask why, and I'd make up some excuse. I was too self-concious to tell him the whole story.
When I broke up with my boyfriend, I became depressed and went through a phase of very heavy drinking. When i was coming back freom the bar, I bumped into James and his friend on the subway going home from a movie. It was awkward, as I was drunk and I totally unexpected it. Afterwards, I wanted to email him about it but was totally unsure of what to say. I was too riddled with anxiety of what he'd think to come up with an answer.
I still hang out with a few members of the party group and will usually go to an event each weekend with them, but I have cut my ties with the heavy drug users, as well as the immature teenagers. My ex-boyfriend (now a close friend) has sobered up as well and is going to college soon. Now that I have ambition again, am sober, and now balance out my partying with other things I enjoy, I now realize how much I have missed James. One day, I noticed he disowned me from his facebook. I tried readding him again. He accepted it, and before I could think of how I could apologize and make things right again, he deleted me again...but he didn't block me. There were three mutual friends on his page: two of them he went to high school with and one he barely talks to and only sees at events involving one of the other friends. So it looks like he has some kind of vendetta against me.
I know that some of you logically minded thinkers may feel that my actions were wrong, that it was wrong to have lied to James and that I was probably right to lose his friendship. The sense of regret though, for what I did, is immense. I now feel a void in my life without him there and now realize what I have did. the question is...can this friendship be repaired, and if so, how? What are some suitable ways to apologize to him and make things right?
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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.
My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
10 Sep 2010, 3:34 am
Writing a letter of apology would make sense, but what should I say to make him feel like he can trust me again? I feel horrible that I did this, but I'm clumsy with words and also with persuading other people that I'm sincere about things.
