Being too honest?

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Does anyone have a friend like me who's told you that you're too blatant with your opinions?

I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings, I'm just honest.. I think having honest friends is good anyway.. because I'd say lying to make someone feel better is worse than being honest and hurting their feelings (even if that's not your intention). I'd rather not get lied to. So I treat others the way I'd like to be treated.

What do you think? You can share specific examples too I couldn't think of any atm. But I'm sure I'll relate to some examples.

I get told by people I know alot Im too honest. If I meet someone new, I like to save feelings for any reason.

I am too honest and forthcoming in general. I don't think one can be too honest with friends, though. Not if they're real friends, anyway. If they're more of the "friendly acquaintance" variety, then they probably won't appreciate complete frankness and sincerity.

You should be careful with this thinking. The axiom does say "treat others as you would wish to be treated," but I find it does not always hold for aspies. Our wants often do not parallel those of most people.

Last edited by Kaybee on 11 Oct 2010, 8:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My mom says I am honest and my husband says the same too. others have said so too.

I don't like getting lied to either so I am honest to others.

Wow, I haven't thought of it that way, thanks for the insight!

I don't lie period.

I can't because I'm terrible at it, so I figured I'm better off just being honest because that's the most honorable thing anyway.

I'm excellent at it, runs in the family. I just have no respect for people who confuse me, lead me on, etc. So I don't let myself become that to anyone else.

I could be good at it if I tried, but I have too much respect for my friends and guilt after lying. Not worth it to me.

Ever since childhood, I've said that the Golden Rule should be, "Do unto others as they would have you do unto them," for that very reason (although I didn't know I had asperger's back then, but I knew that I often wanted things very different from what I observed others seeming to want.) As an adult, I would modify it to, "so long as you are not harming yourself in the process, do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

I always thought much the same, Sparrow. I like your expression better. I think I would edit it slightly to say "So long as you are not harming anyone in the process, do unto others as they would have you do unto them."

Now all we need to do is work on our mind-reading powers.

Your way works, too. I assumed that since people don't want to be harmed, that was implicit in the act of doing unto others as they would have you do unto them. But specified not harming one's self because so many people find it too easy to "give themselves away" and always take care of everybody but themselves.

But not harming anyone includes one's self, so it works as well and is perhaps more elegant.

I think some people do want to be treated in ways which are harmful to them.

That seems to create an ethical quandry. If I'm responsible for someone, such as a child, I'm obligated to do thinks they don't like if things they do like would harm them. But I don't think I have that obligation with fellow adults. Otherwise, I can see situations like, "please pass the salt." "no, because it will harm you." A grown-up should be allowed to eat salt if they want to and thus wouldn't the Golden Rule -- even a modified verison of it -- suggest that I should pass them the salt?

If someone wants something that will harm them but doesn't know that it will harm them, I could see an obligation to warn them that it is harmful. But if they still want it, whether or not I supply it will fall into a strange grey area. And philosophy has always made my head hurt, so that's as far as I can follow the ethical quandry . . .

I'm honest most of the time, but there are some situations where I need to lie through my teeth, such as getting an overbearing parent off the phone.

That's not exactly how I meant it. Adults should be free to make their own decisions, of course, especially in regards to such things as salt (by the way, salt is much-maligned, but necessary for the human body; people with low blood pressure often crave it because their bodies need it, for example). Allowing them to make their own bad decisions doesn't mean that you're not treating the person well; you're treating them like an adult, respecting their decisions and their right to make them, etc.

I was referring more to how they like to be treated by others. For example, someone with low self-esteem might seek out a partner who criticizes them, or might try to increase their sense of self-worth by engaging in relationships, including friendships, which are one-sided (letting themselves be used, for example).

This is rather off-track, though. Sorry for the thread jack.