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how do you make friends?

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whatsthepoint
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22 Nov 2010, 1:53 am

Im trying to make some friends at school so far hasn't worked



Pobodys_Nerfect
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22 Nov 2010, 3:10 am

Maybe join a common interest group, then making "friends" should happen naturally.



CallMeAllie
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23 Nov 2010, 2:41 am

Is there anyone who shares a common interest? Perhaps a favorite TV show? You might try talking to him or her about it.



xsansara
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23 Nov 2010, 5:24 pm

First of all, you need only one friend to survive high school (at least that is what my mom claims and I found it true).

Second, paradoxically, the easiest to make friends with are those that don't have any themselves. Start with the most unpopular and then work your way up. If you are unsure, who they are, observe who is standing alone or is made fun of.

Third, your ideal might be someone to share your special interest with, but be aware that you are probably three times as interested in your special interest than any NT can possibly be. So, either you tone it down (can be very hard) or you need more people to spread it out (hard to find, too). It might be better for the beginning to keep to their interests. Research them on the internet or ask them questions.

Fourth, in the beginning, having to work to make a friend is probably not something you will enjoy, but it will pay out in the end.



happymusic
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23 Nov 2010, 8:41 pm

Clubs are a good idea. Especially clubs that draw quirky people.

I'm not good at this kind of advice, though - I have very few friends.



Foxx
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23 Nov 2010, 9:20 pm

Usually when starting at new places, I observe people for the first few days, to get a hint of their personalities, body language etc.

then, usually, things start going along by talking to them... work well in a group... chitchatting about everyday things (I know the chitchat part may be hard, but practice, practice, practise), nostagia, etc. When you get to know people better while doing small favors and the like, things usually just roll ahead by themselves...

xsansara wrote:
First of all, you need only one friend to survive high school (at least that is what my mom claims and I found it true).

Second, paradoxically, the easiest to make friends with are those that don't have any themselves. Start with the most unpopular and then work your way up. If you are unsure, who they are, observe who is standing alone or is made fun of.

Third, your ideal might be someone to share your special interest with, but be aware that you are probably three times as interested in your special interest than any NT can possibly be. So, either you tone it down (can be very hard) or you need more people to spread it out (hard to find, too). It might be better for the beginning to keep to their interests. Research them on the internet or ask them questions.

Fourth, in the beginning, having to work to make a friend is probably not something you will enjoy, but it will pay out in the end.


1)May be true, but I pretty much always had two or three friends at nearly any given time

2) the best friends may be the unpopular ones, however they may also be the worst (like the clingy type), again... observe for a few days if you have to

3) quite true... however people with different interests may become quite helpful too, and may broaden your horizons and viewpoints...

4) It does pay out in the end, sometimes far more than you expect, and is well worth the work.



SacredOreo
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23 Dec 2010, 12:00 am

u can try a school club or after school activity of some sort, but then again i'm a loner myself :'( so i'm not good at giving this type of advice


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Laz
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23 Dec 2010, 4:53 am

Any inanimate object will do



pensieve
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23 Dec 2010, 4:56 am

Best way is to find someone who shares your interest. Joining a club is the best way to get to talk to them.

You can also make friends outside of school. If you don't have any friends I mean. There's no shame in making friends with younger or older people too.


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XBZ4AX
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23 Dec 2010, 8:39 am

For me it's hard to make friends. I can't tell how it works but I have two friends from primary school. then the first year og high school I had no friends there, the second year we made groups of 4 in my class. I got in a good one with people with similary interest. I was in the same group for almost one semester. Now in third year we fight about who to sit next to. We all want to sit next to each other. But I don't know if I'll keep in touch with them next year.

One of them said to me: You are hard to get to know, I have to fight for it. But when I got to know you I think you are a good person.

I think I takes me more than 3 month to find someone to talk with and then it takes me half a year for me to become friends with them. I know when I have found a potential friend: either I argue with them like I have know them for years or I cry inside when we split. Either way I feel I can't let go of my friends. I call this friendly love.

It happend once a friend left me. We have known eachother for one year and I cried for days. So painful.



bobbysands
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23 Dec 2010, 8:48 pm

XBZ4AX wrote:
For me it's hard to make friends. I can't tell how it works but I have two friends from primary school. then the first year og high school I had no friends there, the second year we made groups of 4 in my class. I got in a good one with people with similary interest. I was in the same group for almost one semester. Now in third year we fight about who to sit next to. We all want to sit next to each other. But I don't know if I'll keep in touch with them next year.

One of them said to me: You are hard to get to know, I have to fight for it. But when I got to know you I think you are a good person.

I think I takes me more than 3 month to find someone to talk with and then it takes me half a year for me to become friends with them. I know when I have found a potential friend: either I argue with them like I have know them for years or I cry inside when we split. Either way I feel I can't let go of my friends. I call this friendly love.

It happend once a friend left me. We have known eachother for one year and I cried for days. So painful.


I'm sorry to hear a former friend of nearly a year, left you very recently. I have gone through the same thing with a good lady friend of mine at work. But now I just have to move on and cut her out of my system.

Did you choose to be an Aspie? No you didn't. You are not at fault for being the way you are, that's someone else's problem, especially if they are neurotypical.

I only made one school friend in nearly 12-years and we are still friends 27 years later. I have managed to make friends from distant places online, who have now replaced my ex-friend. But the drawback of this is only by text and not by proper means of communication.

My suggestion to you, is to make friends on a different website, who share your interests and values. They may be closer or worst case scenario, further away from you. That's a risk you might have to take and trust that person. You might feel fine about it, you might not, only when you feel the time is right to do so.