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Ergop
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07 Feb 2011, 2:33 pm

So... I have this friend that I have nothing in common with and all we do is small talk. Now, I hate small talk and don't enjoy hanging out with her anymore. Every time I try to slowly stop talking to her she has a melt down and panics because she is a dependent person. She just broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years, so I don't want to leave her just yet. I texted her and offered to see her for lunch. I figured that would give us something to do while we talk and wouldn't take more than 2 hours. She texted back asking if I wanted to come over to her house after (to small talk for hours+).

So my question is... would I hurt her feelings if I told her that I just wanted to get lunch because I've been feeling overwhelmed with social interaction recently? And really, is it proper to later just tell her that we have nothing in common? Aside from being honest, I really don't know how to let people down gently... especially if they're emotionally unstable like this girl. Thanks for any advice.



Chronos
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07 Feb 2011, 3:04 pm

I don't know that one really needs much in common with a friend as long as the two people get along together and don't have any major conflicts that can't be overlooked.

If you don't like making small talk, don't make small talk. Talk about things that interest you. If she gets fed up with your interests and doesn't want to engage with you about them, then she'll probably leave. Perhaps though, she is actually interested, or will become interested in your interests. People are dynamic.

My sister didn't like a particular sport she is into until she met her husband and he introduced her to it, and she's actually quite good at it.



Mindslave
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07 Feb 2011, 5:29 pm

Well, I would say that no matter what you do, she is setting herself up to get her feelings hurt. So don't stress yourself out because it's not your fault. People like that want to get their feelings hurt because it validates their thoughts. Sounds weird and counterintuitive, but that's how emotionally broken people work. At this point, worry about what you want, because she will get what she wants one way or another. If you want to just have lunch, do that, because at least one of you will be satisfied.