People thinking less of you

Post Reply New Topic

being that were on the autistic spectrum so we dont have as much social fluency as other people. Do you ever feel like people look down on you in some sorta pity way. Like they wanna help you because they feel sorry for you and/or you need to be taken care of?

For me, I dont really get that too much but when I do it bugs me. On the surface, its gotten to the point where Im pretty normal, I can walk around making all the surface superficial interactions like the nts. When things get deeper, thats when my aspieness starts to show.

I got irked out because I started to figure out what one of my friend thinks of me. She feels like she need to care for me, mother me, nurture me: its not like shes even an older peer, shes like 6 months younger then me. Being that she doesnt view me as her equal. I understand how some friends are just caring people in general: thats cool. But it seems she places herself above me, she needs to take care of me more then her other friends. I know Im aspie, I still wanna be equal to my peers, respected. Im not her little sister gosh.

One thing that those things that discuss female aspies, they say how other girls will feel like they need to mother the aspie girl. Thats they way its been for me alotta of the times. Recently Ive havent had that nearly as much. Ive grown up so much, I dont need that, I have my own mother thank you very much.
I hate it when NTs think less of me in general no matter how it is.

No, I get people who are simply irritated with me for not being like they are and not doing things the way they think I should. I often feel judged and bullied, but never pitied. Nobody has ever cut me that much slack. They just insist that I change, which of course, I can't.

I dont tell a majority of people I have Aspergers because whether or not they consciously acknowledge it or not, they do pass judgement on you about it. Even worse, most people dont really know much about it other than that its a mental deficiency so most people associate it and then you with being a little ret*d.

However, I personally dont feel that people want to take care of me because of it. Maybe its because I dont tell people and they just think I'm eccentric.

I feel that all the time. Although, I get it from guy friends and older men, mostly. Women usually don't like being around me. I've had to work hard to repair some self-esteem from living with these situations all my life. Hey, if people wanna pity me and look down on me or pray for my soul :p hehehe, let em! I'll appreciate the acts of kindness, their prayers, and compassionate nods from the neighbors, friends, and family. Don't let it hurt you, hon. Focus on building your self-esteem by doing things that make you feel good about yourself.

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

ditto

Yeah, more this. If you're much higher functioning you just get the occasional jerk that just doesn't like you and makes it obvious.

K, I'm still on this weird kick where I sense envy on the part of the non-spect.

There's totally nothing wrong with your way of thinking. Pity is annoying, and often misplaced.

Sometimes a person wants to "help" someone else as a way of occupying themselves or distancing themselves from the things they know they need to pay more attention to. I've read more than a few of your posts and you seem smart and you seem to be able to figure things out, i.e., that you know there's some "wrong thinking" on the part of your friend. You say you think she places herself above you, and it's either the truth that does, or not far from the truth. She needs to take care of you more than her other friends - not because YOU need her to, but because SHE needs to - whether you need the help or not is not in the equation. In hindsight to my reply, she's not thinking this in her head, it is subconscious.

If it's getting out of control, maybe try gently asking her what's going on in her life that she feels she needs to adopt a woman older than her, rather than working on her own problems or getting a pet. That sounds like a jerk thing to do, but...There seems to be a un-balance in power here. Friends are supposed to view one another as equals. Yeah, maybe the power in this relationship needs a shift and get balanced. I wonder what she did, in particular, that sparked your post? Was there a situation where she went too far with something?

It's the kind of thing that if you've never experienced it before, being shown any degree of kindness like that is awesome at first... Then as you start to realize that the other person doesn't really see you as... well as a real person it gets real old real fast. Like the more they treat you as a child the more it sets you off. I'm pushy and bitchy, I don't have a problem putting people who do that on an annoying level in their place. If they want a puppy to take care of the animal shelter is down that way, I just want a bit of consideration and enough comfort between us that I can ask you questions should I feel I am unclear on something.

I've noticed people who do this the most tend to have a very strong need to be needed. Not like, I enjoy helping because it feels good, more like, I need to take care of you because you need me so much. The more extreme their protective instincts, well they can get really really emotional about how it's a total rejection of them if you just want to be friends rather than have them as a caregiver. In this Aspie's humble theory-of-mind-limited opinion when it goes that far it's because the person is so insecure and of scared getting abandoned and being alone that that they latch on to being the person who always takes care of other people, even to a point of smothering their pet.

@ Ai_Ling:
My sponsor is sorta' like that; he has the gift of gab and tries to school me as to how to be more social...often to little or no avail . But it gets balanced out by the fact that in some areas of life, HE'S a big baby and needs help in some areas that I have covered pretty well. I guess we ALL need a little WOO WOO WOO at some time in our lives.

My cousin had a friend who kept on trying to figure why I didn't SMILE and TALK A LOT and GO OUT TO CLUBS TO DANCE and HAVE A GIRLFRIEND THAT I'M IN A LTR WITH, etc., etc., etc.... To get her offa' my BACK, I started talking about how she looked like MAX from Living Single (that MIND-NUMBING LITTLE SUCCUBUS)! It annoyed her SO BAD that she LEFT ME ALONE! After that, she CHILLED!

@ Avengilante:
The type of people YOU have a problem with are the same kinds of people I have trouble with at work - like they can't figure out what's "wrong" with me because I won't change to meet their expectations no matter what and don't value the things THEY think I ought to value!

Yes, yes very much agree. I am not sure I would want someone's pity though, just understanding.

I so laughed when you said that. Well, not when you said it, but when I read it. Living Single was one of my all-time favorite shows. Max was my favorite character. Aside from the character of Max herself (mind numbing little succubus), your cousin could have taken it as a compliment, since i thought Max was the prettiest one on the show.

OH that girl looked JUST LIKE her at the time...BRAIDS and ALL!! !! I think my cousin thought my comeback on her was clever It was LOTS of FUN seeing and hearing, "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" It gave her a taste of how I felt!

And in one episode Kyle really DID call Maxine a MIND NUMBING SUCCUBUS! DRAT...what episode was that?!

It may constitute a relief to receive some pity; that way people acknowledge that one has emotions and there is not an assumption that one cannot be insulted, afraid or perturbed.

Fourthing this.

Looks like we are all on the same bus.

Yep. I'm 6thing (if that's the right term) that.