Friends & Social Skills: For Sam Hills Sake I Need Answe

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In elementary school, socializing was easy enough.

The following would be an example of a typical social conversation amongst kids. The kid with AS finds it very easy to find a shared interest.

AS kid - Hello.
NT kid: Hewo.
AS: do you like Batman and Robin?
NT kid: no.
AS: do you like Ninja Turtles?
NT kid: yes.
AS: lets play Ninja Turtles,
NT kid: ok.

It was somewhere between 8th and 9th grade when I began to realize a dramatic decline in shared interests. Now I'm in college and having a hard time finding shared interests with anyone. Its been relatively 6 years or so since I made a single friend. I just don't know how to come across a shared interest. I love cartoons, and martial arts and climbing stuff but I don't know anyone that I would want to hang out with for a relatively long period of time. Have people matured or gotten boring while i have stayed interesting? If that's the case, then their the ones at fault.

It seems to me that everywhere I look I see androids that copy each others interests regardless of their own interests. Weed and Liquor have transformed them into brainless androids without any hint of human uniqueness. They wear baggy clothing and listen to music that encourages ret*d behavior but they never stop and question themselves as to why they enjoy these interests. They are going with the system, and I can't fit in with that system.

Social skills are more important than an actual college degree in finding a job. This is why only 25% of aspies go to college, and only 6 to 14% of all aspies ever find a descent full time job. If i had this one ability at my fingertips, i could take on the world.

I wish i had a safe environment in which i could practice social skills on random people that didn't know me. And I wish i had help finding shared interests with these NTs. Even if I could learn how to fake it, i would be satisfied.

Anyone please help me with my social disorder if you can.

Apparently this is "natural", you could join a club or find an outlet for such interests, have you ever considered maybe looking online. I myself am very Asocial i'm just good at making myself seem social through small talk and how I choose to talk, Tell me whats a good ability of yours?

The University I went to had hundreds of clubs and organizations--we actually had to pay a student fee that paid for the running of the clubs. I learned some valuable social interaction skills by volunteering to be the student representative for a club, showing up at the big meetings, and voting as necessary.

To a considerable extent, you are correct. Read Paul Graham's essay "Why Nerds Are Unpopular." He paints a case that nerds are a step ahead.

Straight up, have you considered medical school and becoming a doctor? To some extent, you will be around other serious-minded people and where having the right answer is important not merely being popular. If I was a younger man, I might specialize in infectious disease. It's important to get it right, and some of these things are eminently curable. And you can make societal improvements, like with influenza or like with MDRT (multiple drug-resistent tuberculosis). Think about it.

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college groups, not so much. People go there and just kind of go through the motions.

Instead of learning the lousy skills of followership, which you might not be particularly interested in anyway. Why not the really good skills of low-key leadership?

And maybe sports, music, politics as ways of meeting people (potentially a climbing club), as well as entrepreneurship?

In my college experience (1982-84), it was the dorm as a way to meet people, it did have a lot of that unstructured "hanging around," which for me, a little of it goes a long way, and some of the "joking" can too easily blur into mean-spirited. Although I did enjoy watching some of Monday Night Football with the guys. So, maybe some more of the low-key leadership, from time to time suggesting activities to people who really want to be out doing things. And also if you develop some of the skills of with matter-of-fact confidence defending others, such as 'he seems like an alright guy to me,' it makes it a lot easier to defend yourself.

Good luck. Keep talking with us here.

If you can afford it, another option might be to hire other college students to tutor you in social skills--there are plenty of folks that need the money. There might even be students who would like to work with folks on the spectrum--to give them an advantage in meeting their career objectives.

But, finding shared interests is hard--because there are so many interesting things to do--and a limited time to do them! It really comes down to meeting a lot of people, something difficult for many Aspies. Actually for a lot of NTs, if they are looking for a non-mainstream interest. I'd suggest breaking it down into smaller steps--you first need to be able to meet people without too much discomfort. Once you can handle that, then you can start looking for folks with common interests.

That term for that situation you are describing is "herd mentality". There is some very interesting stuff on this on Wikipedia if you haven't read it already.

"but they never stop and question themselves as to why they enjoy these interests"
why is it that people don't question things I truly don't understand that?

It is a good thing that you don't "fit in with the system" because this will allow you to see the world without being blinded by conformity.
You said you like martial arts. Are you currently in a martial arts program? Wouldn't that be a good way to interact socially.
Don't feel bad about yourself. There is nothing wrong with you.

I'm applying to a college with a program designed for those on the Autistic Spectrum, one that supports me throughout college (as opposed to a gap-year type of program). Have you looked at one of those yet? Oh, and in case anyone's curious, here're 2 links to the program: http://www.marshall.edu/atc/ http://www.marshall.edu/atc/content/college-program.php There are many others out there; I'd suggest looking at various ones if you haven't already. It would probably be a good idea to talk to others who went through the programs you look at, and also visit the colleges the programs are in and talk to the administrators. If you choose a program, make sure that it's a good fit for you; that it meets your needs and you fit its requirements. Good luck The_Green_Ego!