Therapist says my social skills "aren't all that bad&am

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Have any of you come across this, where somebody such as a therapist says your social skills "aren't all that bad"? I been told this a couple times now, and it is very frusterating for me to be told this, because if they "aren't all that bad," then why am I so isolated?

Granted, it is true that I do make eye contact (although it took years of childhood drilling before I finally caught on), I know how to read someone's emotional expression (although I have difficulty actually engaging with them emotionally - it's more that I can read their emotions "from a distance"), and I can sense the emotional climate of a conversation (but again, even if I can observe and assess the emotional tone of a conversation, I have difficulty actually engaging and participating emotionally).

Thus far, I have trouble convincing a therapist that my social skills are truly off beat. We live in an extremely complex social culture, which requires a great deal of subtle social skills in order to survive. Being able to do basic things, such as making eye contact and observing emotional cues, is not enough to survive. Yet in my experience with therapists, once the therapist assesses that I have these "basic" skills, they don't seem to be interested in taking my training any further. They'll even go as far as to say it's not an Asperger issue, but rather an issue of low self-esteem. This just burns me up, because I know, I can sense, that my inability to master these advanced, subtle social skills is just as biological and cognitive based as anything else, and have absolutely nothing to do with "low self esteem."

Have any of you come across a similar situation? How do you cope? How do you convince a therapist?

Keep telling them about your issues.

I got that crap all the time. I was told that I wasn't giving myself enough credit. I told them they were missing the point. Credit or no credit, why am I having such a difficulty if I'm "not all that bad?" WHAT THE HELL AM I PAYING YOU FOR, YOU DOPE??! ! Tell him to go into a little more detail than "you aren't that bad" What does that mean? What is the context in which he means it?

Well, your social skills may be just fine when you're talking to a therapist in a session. You know what's expected. You explain your problems, they give insight.

Say you have trouble with the chaos of unscripted social interaction.

^^^ This x100.

It might well be because a therapy session is a very controlled environment. Outside, in the real world, it's very different.

In my opinion, aspies will always do better with one-on-one discussion in a quiet and focused environment. It makes me wonder if your therapist expects you to be curled up shivering behind your chair, covering your face with your eyes. I mean, how did you get to the office if you didn't have a marginal amount of skill? Again, I like what deadeyexx said. I think that's what you should do.

I gotta disagree with what you said about self esteem. Sure, some of your social problems are probably AS related, but low self esteem can impair anybody socially. People are attracted to confidence, they're typically put off by a lack thereof, and high self esteem helps you be constructive and happy in general. It's wrong that the therapists won't acknowledge the troubles of your AS, but you have to consider that some of your problems are a result of your experience. In fact, it naturally follows that growing up knowing you have a pervasive developmental disorder, you might have self esteem issues.

At least consider the possibility.

GreatRelief, I belive that you have good social skills. The problem is MEETING NEW PEOPLE. You have to put yourself into new situations, start a conversation with a complete stranger, join clubs, and stuff like that. If these zany choices pay off, then you have a new friend; if they dont pay off and people think that you are weird, then you can blame it on your Autism.

For example, I started a conversation with a total stranger, and now I have a Fiance!

I agree with Midnight judge that having confidence and positive emotions is a big piece of the pie. Growing up, I could never understand why I couldn't be on the same wavelength as those i interacted with emotionally, know how to respond to simple greetings / take a joke properly, etc.

what I did learn was that by keeping my chin up, speaking out in the sporadic moments I did have something to say, and just by keeping a straight posture and smile on my face, people's engagement with me would transform into wanting to try and talk with me, they were much more likely to disregard my many social blunders, and were more open to me. I still had and have all of the problems with a monotone voice, fearing socializing because I don't get the rules, and many more, but the negative responses are vastly mitigated.

Tell them that there is an enormous difference between a very controlled, sterile environment like a therapy session the sheer unpredictability of out there in real life.