Why am I anti-social?

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I am male and 17 with ASD and I don't know why but I never want to hang out with people but yet sometimes I do. When I am at school I never hang out with anyone. When it is lunch time I would go upstairs where none is and eat it there and play my DS while I am up there. When I am doing a class assignment none picks me in their group and I am mostly alone. I also act like this at home. I mostly stay in my room most of the time and my parents keep telling me to be social and I am always saying no. I don't know why I am so anti social but sometimes I want to have friends. I have none to talk to and when I talk to someone I slightly know they would rather talk to someone who is better than me. I don't want to join any clubs because I am to lazy to do so. And I never get invited anywhere so my weekends are extremely boring. I don't have much to do and I hate talking to people that much and I never like to go anywhere. AMm I the only one who feels like this?

Hey user1001,

When I was in high school I would eat my lunch and then go upstairs to the library and sit at one of the desks until it was time to go back to class. I would just sit there and think, I didn't usually read anything. The library overlooked the yard outside and I could always hear other kids playing or socializing. I didn't really know how to socialize, and I didn't really have anything interesting to say. Sometimes I wished I had friends but I also have depression so it was a combination of being shy, not liking myself, being extremely introverted and not wanting to be around people.

At home, I rarely ever went out. I usually just stayed upstairs in my room, playing on my computer. I always had at least one friend and would occasionally go outside and do something, but for the most part I stayed at home always. My mom once said she should take a picture of me so she remembers what I look like... that's how much I used to stay in my room.

So yeah, I definitely know how you feel

I made this account just to respond to this. I am going through this right now, at lunch i go to the library and surf the web until lunch is over. People ask me why i don't talk and i simply say "because theres nothing to talk about". i stay mostly in my room all day playing online games, watching videos and movies. i have but one friend in high school and find it extremely hard to make friends or keep a conversation going. i don't talk unless talked to.

In high school I would also eat lunch alone and I would eat outside away from the noise of everyone else. I pretty much stayed outside and I would try to be more social but this didn't go so well. When I was in grade school I would go to the library all the time. I simply wanted to avoid talking to people. I was also very shy. I'm not like this any more. I joined some groups that had some of my interests. I usually wouldn't go to them unless someone else I knew was there. I had no friends in high school. So, my Mom suggested I join a group at our church and I did. This helped and in fact I joined 2 groups there because I discovered someone I knew was in the other group. Then after this I joined some groups with a subject interest of mine which helped me get to the point I am today. I would feel lonely a lot too while I was in school.

I did exactly the same thing in high school.

Also, this behavior would be better called asocial. Antisocial behavior causes damage to society with a disregard for others.

Your problem is that you have a need to socialise but the only people you have the option to socialise with don't appeal to you. Most people are too full on, it's nice to talk sometimes but then you have to maintain the friendship and that's draining.

You basically need someone like yourself, that will sit there with you but have things of their own to do for 95% of the time, but then also occasionally like to talk.

You are definitely not alone, I too have sat alone while at school for as long as I can remember, I would usually just sit and watch the other kids play. If i wasnt being bullied (which was pretty much all the time) a couple of kids would come to me and include me in their games, but it didn't happen very often. I've always felt like the outcast kid, especially when I got to high school, it was still the same thing, I would sit in the hallway close to the cafeteria and watch all the students walk by me as if I were a ghost. The bullying never stopped either until I started to defend myself, I found that once I started to defend myself against the bullying that people started to respect me a bit more. I had a couple close friends in high school, moreso than what I have had at one given time throughout my life. After a while I found myself hanging out with a few more people and by the end of my four years of highschool I had a nice little circle of friends, but only hung out with 2 or 3 after school every once in a while.

My home life was pretty much the same growing up, I would always be alone in my room playing with my toys or playing my video games. My mom would tell me to go outside to play and get some fresh air, she also told me to go out and play with other kids and make some friends. She still tells me that I should get out and socialize. Today I live with my gf and we go out a fair bit, she has helped me out and will continue to help more, I feel she is the only person in my life that understands me the most. If it wasnt for her I would still be stuck in my room doing nothing. I still find it very difficult to communicate and socialize, but with her help i think it will get easier.

Why am I anti-social?

Self Preservation is why I think I'm like this at present. If I talk or mix with people I usually end up later on in the day replaying those conversations in my mind. Once I reconcile all the information I'm ready for more socialisation. But if I can't resolve of figure out things I get stuck, which gets me down as I don't know what to do. Thus self preservation.

Once I realised this for myself, I am getting on better.

I use some clubs\activities also to get through it all as it's task based and not person based.

I was never anti-social, society was anti-me, but i took care of that.

You are introverted.