Trouble Hearing

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I have been married for 20 years. One of the many things of annoyance for my wife is that I have a difficult time hearing her (or anyone else). I don't have any actual hearing problems but sometimes when people speak to me, I lose comprehension. The words they speak become blurred or muffled sounding. Sort of like the teacher in Charlie Brown cartoons. I drive my wife insane because I need her to repeat everything constantly. Sometimes she will say something and, at first, I think I didn't hear her but then all of a sudden it all registers and I know what she said. When that happens, she thinks that I was just ignoring her.

Even more difficult hearing situations for me are when surrounded by other noises or concentrating on something.

Other things that make her angry are:

I'm not "huggy" enough.

I don't express my feelings for her.

My social anxiety makes it difficult to perform normal adult activities like speaking on the telephone, dealing with people and business matters.

Getting things done in her time frame.

She thinks I show more affection to my cat than I do to her. She can't understand the soothing effect petting my cat and listening to him purr has on me. She believes I should be as attentive with her. I can't explain the difference to her.

There are plenty more issues and she does understand (theoretically) that this is because of my condition but still has a hard time living with me. Luckily, even though we've had some rough periods, we've managed to stay married this long.

I am just wondering if anyone else has the same "hearing" type problem?

Very much so. I have difficulty hearing all of the words. It's like someone switching a radio on and off a station really fast, causing "drop outs". I think this is probably a function of sensory processing speed. While I am listening to THIS word and processing it, they've said two other words. If I don't take time to process each word, then I hear everything but retain none of it. I frequently have to ask people to repeat what they've said, and the second time I can piece it together. I also think my brain fills in the gaps sometimes with what people ought to have said.

I notice this with recorded audio also - sermons, lectures, talks, etc - some speakers talk so fast that after about 20 minutes I realize I have no idea what they've said. (You might want to experiment with listening to different speakers who speak at different speeds.) I think it's because I never get a chance to actually process what they're saying.

Of course, a lot of people mumble and speak indistinctly, too. So it's isn't always processing difficulties.

Oh yeah. I am the self anointed queen of "What?" I usually say my "what" and then while the person is repeating, the first set of words sinks in. I have to repeatedly "what?" if the television is on because I cannot really pull voices out of that stuff. Put me in a crowd and i will just smile and nod because I cannot hear a damn thing anyone is saying to me unless the yell in my face. I also get sucked into what I am doing and will not hear people... or the ringing phone for that matter. My hearing is fine, I just have trouble with outside noise interference, and I am slow to process. I am sure I frustrate people with that. I wish people would just write things down for me, to avoid the hassle entirely.

Really, I can relate to a lot of what you have said. I am not an overly huggy being. I am not so vocal about my feelings for people I am involved with (I kind of wonder why I need to be... if I did not care for them, I would not be with them)... I know they might like it, I just forget to constantly reassure them and make them feel good with those words. I am awful with phones (oh do the stress me out), I have a hard time dealing with people and doing day to day adult things that others do with ease. I do not have a cat, but I have snakes, so I get the calming effect of critters... people just do not soothe in that way. Nothing against the people, but you can ohm out on animals... they ground and center... is good for the 'soul' so to speak.

Also, like you, I have a spouse who has stuck it out with me. Mine has been with me ten years. I know I cause him upset now and then. I know I frustrate him and I imagine there are plenty of times he wishes I was more normal. He is a wonderful, kind, clever, and patient man. I am very thankful for him.

I read an article in some psychology magazine awhile back about marriage. Some quote went something like, "If I would have asked my grandma if her husband was her best friend she would have laughed in my face." I think sometimes people expect too much out of marriage... or more specifically, out of their partners. Some people expect some ideal... a best friend, an amazing lover, someone they can place on a pedestal and adore. I think that is ridiculous. No one is perfect. I have flaws, so does my husband. At the end of the day he and I can both look at each other, flaws, things we love, and all in between. He is not going anywhere and neither am I. He is better than his flaws, and apparently I am better than mine. I think it says a lot that you and your wife have stayed together through rough times. A lot of people run when things get tough. She loves you. Some women get annoyed by men leaving bits of beard in the sink when they shave... everyone has something to gripe about. With people like us, the gripes are just different.

Eh. I am typing too much... my silly hand hurts... I should shut up now.

Oh thank you so much, dossa. I am rather isolated where I live and don't have any support group type things available. You described exactly what I wrote about. Not that I would wish these things on anyone, but it is good to know it isn't something that I have conjured up to make excuses for my faults.

I also get in "trouble" when my wife (who for her own reasons) needs a lot of reassurance, questions me about my feelings for her. When asked why I love her, all I can say is, "because I do". If I didn't, I wouldn't. I seem incapable of flowery, enhanced words and phrases. I am rather black and white. I'm sure expressing sentiment is in me somewhere but I've never been able to use it. My wife talks using a lot of words which I find maddening sometimes. I feel like my head is going to explode. I have to say, "please, not so many words!" Strangely, I am able to express myself better and more fully in writing. Why I don't just write my thoughts about her and let her "read" my internal being is beyond me.

Other than loving my wife, I believe we've both hung in there with each other is because "normal" people would not tolerate us for very long. Having a son, who is now 24, kept us focused on the important things through the years. He also, is in the spectrum and has had a difficult time of it.

Thanks for responding so quickly!

same problem.
i hear the words, they just stop making logical sense.

most of its because they actually do in fact stop making logical sense, so i have to ask them to clarify what they just said _all the time_ to the point that people think i'm slow or something.

Exactly. I think most people think I'm just not paying attention or slow. I cannot retain numbers in my head at all. I learned a long time ago to always have a small notepad in my pocket. Even easier now, I use the memo function on my phone.

Sounds like an auditory processing disorder, when your ears hear fine but your brain doesn't always process language sounds as meaningful.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auditory_p ... g_disorder

This.

My hearing is fine, it's my ability to sort meaningful speech from background noise that is the problem.

This.

My hearing is fine, it's my ability to sort meaningful speech from background noise that is the problem.

The worst for me is 1. noisy places 2. very reverberant places

I used to be interested in audio DSP, and reverb is one of the most CPU intensive signal processes... reverb is incredibly complex, and I think that's why I find it harder to 'hear' people in echoey places.

I'm ok with conversation one on one, but put me into any place where there's a lot of other sounds going on, my comprehension falls off dramatically. It's also very frustrating for me because my hearing is above average for my age...I just can't process sound if it's overwhelming. I think of it as the opposite of selective hearing as I can hear everything going on around me, I just can't tune out enough of the background sound to process what I need to focus on.

I've read about the auditory processing disorder before and came to the conclusion that it was most likely a part of my problem.

Moog? Is that "your" photo?! You look like a French actor.

I also have difficulties understanding what people are saying to me. I work in a restaurant type place and I know I can't understand people there because of the noise of the music, lots of people and the oven. I can't understand people over the phone, don't know if it's on my end, their end, or if it's the phone itself. One on one conversations I can understand for the most part. If I have to constantly say "what" more than three times, than I just nod in agreement or something, because I'm either getting frustrated and because I think it's rude of me to keep on asking because it's my fault that I can't understand what they're saying to me.

Zat is Serge Gainsbourg.