Birthday at Restaurant Problem

Post Reply New Topic

It's my older brother's birthday soon. He's married with 3 kids, all spoiled, the youngest a real brat (3 years old). My Mum and I asked him if he'd like to go for a meal to celebrate. We expected to pay for him and his wife. However, he was unable to find a babysitter so he told us that he would be bringing all 3 kids. Fair enough.

Not knowing what restaurant was suitable for kids during the evening, we said that we'd leave the choice up to him. He picked an upmarket fine dining restaurant. It's a black tie sort of place with cut glass on the tables. Utterly unsuitable for kids of any kind, much less on a weekend evening. Certainly not a screaming 3 year old who runs in the aisles, pees on the seats, makes an incredible mess, and is not disciplined at all by her parents.

Further, the courses average $36+ each, the kids have come with us before and have all 3 adult courses, and the adults go through 2+ bottles of wine.

Since we asked my brother to go and to chose the venue, my Mum says that we can't retract the invitation or tell him that the restaurant is too expensive. What will happen is that she will insist on paying for it all so that I don't have to (which ruins my birthday treat for him and makes me look mean), then he will insist on paying because it's too expensive (which ruins her birthday treat and makes her argumentative), then my brother and my Mum will have a massive argument about who pays.

Aside from wearing a comprehensive disguise so that the wait staff don't recognize me if I ever have to go there again (and I would HATE to have this group as customers if I was waiting, especially on a weekend rush), how do I deal with this?

Even putting aspergers aside, his behavior seems presumptuous and rude. Further, since I'm basically socially inept, I have no idea how to tell him 'no' without being rude and my Mum says that pretty much every suggestion that I come up with is rude.

Help?

Can you or your Mom find a babysitter as an "extra gift" to "make his birthday special" ? Perhaps there are resources at the local college that teaches child development where you could get a college student?

Well during Easter we had a family reunion and everyone decided we should go to this fancy steakhouse. Now it's a given that I wasn't working so my parents were going to pay for my meal.

It didn't seem right to order a $25 steak dinner on my parents bill so I had an appetizer for my dinner that was still about $8.

If I was put into this position I would order the cheapest thing on the menu. Or......... eat a meal before hand and not even eat at this place. I would stop at McDonalds on the way and at the restaurant just order Coffee refills.

As for the kids good luck. Hopefully if they act inappropriately in a fine dining establishment they will be asked to leave.

I agree with Franma. Maybe instead of paying for a meal you can pay for the sitter for the evening.

I suggested this to my Mum. She says that it's rude because it suggests that we would not enjoy the company of his children.

[Note: I don't get this....I DON'T enjoy their company in a fine dining restaurant (adore them in the playground, in the park, in kid friendly enviornments)...that's the point, apparently I'm not allowed to say it BECAUSE it's the point...] ??

Edit: I followed up with this and my Mum says that: 1) he has a live in au pair, and 2) a cousin is staying with them so if they wanted a babysitter, they'd have one. So, he wants to bring the kids. To me, this says 'Arrogant, thoughtless twat', to her this seems to say 'grin and get over it'.

Edit to Edit: It's tonight. I think that what I will do is let my Mum or brother pay as they are going to fight about it anyhow, and give the money that I would have given to pay for it to the poor waiter who has to put up with us. Leaving for dinner now, wish me luck.

Last edited by Wuffles on 03 Jul 2011, 10:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yup, great advice.

Frankly I would have no problem telling my brother to leave his kids at home or choose a less expensive restaurant; you offered to treat him and his wife, not the entire brood!

Damn right he should pay for them, and don't feel bad; you guys suggested the meal and offered to pay and in this case think it is the thought that counts.

Though maybe next year just buy him a watch or something that doesn't involve negociations!



Sounds like a better use for it! Good luck!

I have younger siblings myself and sometimes I want to shake my parents (and them) but it's a lot less of a headache to just stay out of things and roll your eyes from afar

If your brother's kids are that ill-mannered, it is plain WRONG to take them anyplace upscale...or anyplace at all.

If I was dining and your group came in, I would give the manager 2 options, either you go or I do. Good restaurants will refuse to serve you if your kids can't behave.

Get a babysitter for the kids or go someplace geared for such kids to eat...certainly something with a kid's menu.

Ended up giving the waiter a tip that made him want to hump his register. The situation was unavoidable if I didn't want to alienate the few people still talking to me. Letting one of them pay then giving my money to the staff seemed best option.

The fault was mine for allowing myself to be manipulated into it in the first place. It's just that my social skills aren't good enough to avoid being roped in.

Well I commend you for being generous to the staff. I used to work in a restaurant kitchen when I was still in high school and since then I've always sympathized with people doing food service work.